Women, dating, sex and love are hobbies. Stop treating them like chores.

In PurplePillDebate an interesting question was posited (for once).

That question being, if someone, regardless of gender, has a fulfilling and good life without a relationship and is completely okay and comfortable in solitude, does that person even need a relationship?

The answer is no, they don't, but I think it starts to explain why a lot of men and women are fucking up this whole dating and relationship thing: They look at the desire to have a partner as a need, not a want. It is a requirement to them, not a 'nice-to-have'.

I'll leave my response unchanged, I've tried to rewrite it, but there's no point:

Look, I think it comes down to the fact that relationships and love are a hobby more than they are a requirement, and that adjustment is causing a lot of people to freak the fuck out. Realistically, relationships between men and women had valid, rational, utilitarian purposes. Your man protected you from danger and brought in the goods, and in return the woman helped keep the home and the children safe and comfortable. We’re now in a post industrialised society where those major concerns (food, fuel, safety) are not concerns for the average human. The lowest of low live like absolute kings in comparison to the lowest of low in societies and cultures past. A woman no longer needs a man to protect her, clothe her and feed her. That social contract died a long time ago. Still, women seem to think that even though they can fend for themselves and are ‘independent’, they still long for a man who can do that, even if it is completely superfluous and unnecessary. Men also long for that too, even though what they can provide is not dependent on them being a man, anyone can protect, feed, shelter and clothe themselves regardless of if they have a protector or not. So you have the disconnect you see today. Women want strong, independent and caring men but they also don’t want to be restricted by the social contract that provides those luxuries, and men want women to accept that social contract despite not providing anything they can’t already get themselves easily. So, what purpose do dating and relationships serve now? Aside from providing a framework for child rearing, nothing. We date, fuck, love and break up for fun. To engage our mental and evolutionary desire to have those things, even though we don’t need to. As we are in a post scarcity society when it comes to the utility of relationships, a lot of women only want the best source of fun and positive feelings (top 10%) and men only want the good parts of dating women without wanting to put the work into becoming that top 10% (the 10% thing is bullshit, you just need to be good enough to be her best option and outgoing and confident enough to make yourself be known to her as that). People are picky because settling isn’t required to be safe. That’s it. You don’t need no man, you don’t need a woman, you want those things, and wants and emotional desire is a drastically different animal to needing someone to keep the fire going or to ward off predators. So yeah, we are in a way too independent to need relationships as a source of improving our chances of survival, but that is simply because those threats have been removed. If you want a partner, if you want to have sex and a relationship, you have to be a general improvement to that person’s current safe and secure life, and a lot, I read, a LOT of people on both sides are definitely not improvements. Women have known this for awhile, either overtly or unconsciously, and men are starting to catch up to that idea, and a lot of men are coming to the conclusion of ‘most women make my life worse and harder, they aren’t worth it in general’ which is valid, but feels like you’re taking yourself out of the race purely because you think you’ll lose. I personally love the fact I am a past time and women are a past time for me too, I like that I don’t ‘need’ a woman, but I want them, I like them, they are fun, they can be enjoyable to be around and dating them and sleeping with them is enjoyable, that’s what I focus on and anyone who doesn’t see that as a priority isn’t for me.

If I were to elaborate on it and add a message to it, it would be that both men and women no longer need relationships to survive. That concept died with the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s.

Relationships, dating, attraction, sex, they are all now pastimes, hobbies, things you do for fun and with the intention of making your life more enjoyable. Your value as a man, as defined by ol' Briffault, is what you can provide, but the fundamental value you can provide has changed. It used to be how well you could bring home meat and food, how well you could bring home money, how good of a life you could give your partner and your family, but times have changed. Those things are all things women, realistically, can get for themselves. So, if your only redeeming qualities are that you won't abuse her or you can put a roof over her head, those things seem pretty meaningless and valueless when she can not abuse herself and put a roof over her own head quite easily herself, and frankly I don't think many of you men want the women who cannot do that, they are marked as 'red flag minefields' and 'gold diggers', right?

So, what DO men provide in relationships? Well, the answer is fun. Capital-F-Fun. It is important to note however that when I say 'fun', I am referring to the concept of continually adding value and enjoyment to her life that she otherwise wouldn't have without you. That means sex, companionship, desire, legitimate actual fun, good feelings and positive interactions. If those drop off, even if you're bringing in the bread and keeping a roof over her head, she will leave. Simple as that. If you aren't a net positive in her life, you're a liability, a net negative, another mental and emotional mouth to feed. She will cut you.

And realistically, if she doesn't provide YOU with that, you should cut her too! The issue is, men are still stuck in the scarcity mindset that this one woman is the woman you love and if you lose her you'll lose the thing you love. No. It is simply your turn. You can make that turn as long or as short as you want, but if you fail to uphold the new social contract, that being one of creating a net positive in her life, you will be dropped, and the same should go for her too, if she fails to uphold that social contract, if she becomes a net negative in your life, you should drop her too. You aren't saving anyone or upholding the 'values and virtues of true men' by sticking around. You are allowing yourself to be used. Men with true game, outcome independence and options know this, they can replace women as easily and as quickly as a woman can replace a man, but the difference, the power that having that affords, is that the vast majority of men do not recognise this new contract and refuse to accept it, the issue is that pretty much every woman HAS accepted it and is thriving under it, so they will not throw it away because you don't like it, they'll simply find someone else who does.

Like it or not, the Automobile has killed the Horse. The new contract is the way of the future and we aren't going back. So, learn to embrace it or perish. Women don't NEED you anymore, they simply want you. You should feel the same way and embrace the new, post scarcity economy, no one is sitting there waiting for you do to it, you either adapt or perish.