In a previous post of mine ( see https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17co5ll/the_hero_instinct_is_not_an_instinct/) , I mentioned the "Hero Instinct", a term used by relationship specialist James Bauer. According to him and a lot of dating coaches/gurus, the Hero Instinct is an innate, biological or God-given drive for a man to feel needed by the women in his life; to feel like a provider, protector, and generally, to feel useful and appreciated. That's one reason why small and delicate women are popular with men.

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In my post, I said that either it's not an instinct at all, or it isn't one that all men have, and I pointed to myself as an example. Despite growing up with a feminine mom and a masculine dad, helping said dad mow lawns, and doing what could be called "men's work" for my grandmother and grandaunt, I never felt this way. My family always tells me how much they appreciate my help, but no matter what I did for them, I never got satisfaction out of it. I was never proud of myself for doing it, I never felt proud, and I never felt manly. I felt nothing positive or negative whatsoever.

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Admittedly, I'm nowhere near as masculine as my father is, and my testosterone is probably on the low end. So I never had the Hero Instinct. Which probably is why my dating preferences are THIS.

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My type of woman was always tomboys, tall girls, heroic women, women who could fight, hunt, and kill stuff, & generally women who were strong and athletic. Funnily enough, it was the Greek tale of Atalanta, of all things, that helped me realize this.

So basically, my type was women who were strong, competent, and wouldn't need me very much, if at all. And honestly, it makes sense. If I don't have any need to feel like a needed, reliable protector, dating a woman who would need me is a terrible idea.

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And while the fact that I could be low-T is a strike against me, a commenter on my previous post said this.

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Most people do not have this hero instinct which should be obvious due to phenomena such as the bystander effect.

Personally I'm someone others might consider a "strong man" as I'm not passive or avoidant, but I'm more of a dick than what anyone would consider a hero. That being said, weak, timid women are usually a source of frustration than anything, as are weak timid male friends.

Part of my appreciation for my wife is her competence; I'm more likely to have to help her bury a body than jump in to save her. I don't feel needed; I feel like I have a partner.

Obviously not arguing against you; I agree with you wholly. Likely more a hero fantasy, whereas to people who are decisive it's just an uninteresting part of daily life.

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So a masculine man actually has a wife who is probably my type, and he's attracted to her because she's competent enough to not need him. So I kind of want to ask the Redditors of PPD what they think: If a man does NOT have the Hero Instinct--the need to be needed and like a protector by the woman in his life--what does that mean? Is there anything that can or should be done about it? What do you think?