I’m sure my story is the same as many already here, but I need to vent to help me process, and to be honest, there’s no one in my life who can offer positive help, other than offering prayer or telling me to “get right with God”. So thank you to all here that indulge me on this word venture.

My tale started over 15 years ago. My wife and I were friends for years, with her constantly telling me she loved me, only for her to end up with someone else. This cycle lasted for years until she took my virginity at the age of 24 (I know, late bloomer). She ghosted me for a week after, but eventually we started to hook up more. However, she didn’t want to put a label on us and didn’t want us to be bf/gf yet. However, things changed when she got pregnant a little over a month after we started sleeping together. I knew that something was up because she was short with me, yelling at me and being unnecessarily aggressive.

I finally approached her about the possibility and she admitted that she was. We had a short engagement, where many of my then-friends asked if I was moving too quickly, but respected my decision when I told them of the child. We were married two months after I found out and we began our life together. We bought a house, had two kids, had some cats and dogs, blah blah blah. The usual.

Right before Covid, she told me she wanted to separate for a while and move in with her parents. She told me she wasn’t planning on divorcing, only allowing us time to work on ourselves. She filed a month later. In May of that year, she decided she had made a mistake and wanted me back. I still loved her, so I immediately said yes. We reconciled, and I thought all things were good. We continued life for the next couple of years until a big family issue came into play. My wife has an elderly relative who was in an accident and it was determined that she needed permanent support. Since no one else in the family stepped up, my wife asked if we would be willing to take care of her.

I agreed to help her out, and we slowly moved into her house, taking a while due to the amount of clutter, renovation work, and downsizing that we had to undertake. We finally were able to list our house a few months ago, and signed all the paperwork at the beginning of this month. We no longer own our home, and my only debt is CC, auto, and student loans. As far as the auto loan goes, I had a nice sedan that worked for me, and was manageable on my salary. However, with two growing kids and now an elderly family member, I knew we’d have to upgrade to ensure safe transportation for everyone. We got a van that costs way more and is currently being split down the middle between us, but my half is still more than I was paying on the other vehicle. Still, a sacrifice I was willing to make to support my wife and family.

Over the past several months, we have had more changes in our life, the biggest my wife quitting her job about six months ago because she couldn’t handle it anymore. She was remote, made more than I did, but she let every little thing get to her. That has been a recurring theme for her, where she gets angry, vindictive, and unforgiving. I say that because she also claims to be a Christian, posting constantly online all these memes and “sermons” that Facebook preachers are writing out. She even attacked the local church pastor online for saying that he was calling her out for doing so, before deleting it (not before I got a screenshot though). She also is very vulgar, cursing and saying nasty things about people she doesn’t like. I’m not saying this faultless, as I have said mean things and swear on occasion, but for her to represent herself as such sickens me as a Christian. I feel I should add that I don’t generally tell people about my faith, as I prefer to let my actions show more than my words.

A few weeks ago, I called her out on her bitterness, anger, and general nastiness, asking if everyone is wrong and is there anyone that she doesn’t hate. She got very rude and hostile, accusing me of gaslighting her, calling me a narcissist (a recurring theme). You know, the usual buzzwords. She says that I need therapy and that is the only chance I have of saving this marriage, but she considers us separated at this time. She has also ordered me out of the house multiple times over the past few months. I have refused (thanks to reading all the BS here), stating that I have a legal right to reside here, that I have established residency. She says that as her family member’s POA, she has the ability to kick me out. I calmly told her that I have legal rights.

I have also used some detective work to find internet searches of her looking for ways to deal with narcissists, how to deal with a dangerous partner (never laid a hand on her), and marital sexual abuse (we haven’t had sex in over a month, and I always am respectful of consent). Seeing her turn into this person is sickening. She claims that she can see demons in other people, but I wonder if it’s simply because she can recognize her own kind.

Currently, I’m looking at options as far as living situations. I don’t have a lot of money set aside right now, and I know she’ll come after me for child support, since she did last time. Did I mention that she stand to inherit over half a million dollars from her family member we’re taking care of? Amazing that since we have sold our home and she stands to inherit so much money (she already got $70k last year from a different late family member, which she didn’t share at all), she is fine with getting rid of me. So now my options are living in the van full-time, getting a super cheap apartment, or running away, none of which I particularly like.

I also just found out tonight that she thinks I have a secret phone and am having an affair. I’ve never cheated on her, don’t have a second number, and to top it off, I don’t have the time nor privacy to do so! We even have iPhones and can track each other’s location. I don’t know what kind of mental gymnastics she’s doing. I also confirmed that she’s planning on lawyering up and filing an EPO soon, for which I feel there is no reason to be able to do so.

And for someone who is supposed to be a narcissist and controlling, it’s amazing how much I’ve given her over the past couple years, including her phone, watch, earbuds, a couch, and countless other small gifts over the years. I know that if/when we finalize everything, I am done with marriage. My trust is gone, and I cannot go through anything like this again. My goal is to survive for the next few years while my kids finish school, and then I shall leave the state. I will get far away from her wickedness, her narcissism, and her manipulation and controlling ego. Thanks for reading this and I hope everyone has a blessed day.

EDIT

Apparently the reason she thinks I’m cheating is that there is a number attached to me that is not one that neither she nor I recognize. I am thinking about calling or texting it later today.