I will try to put as much detail as possible to give as much context. I’m not sure my relationship is repairable but I want to do whatever I can to fix it.

My partner (34M) and I (29F) have been together for between 5/6 years now. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. He is smarter than anyone I’ve ever known, he’s an incredible lover and has really educated me sexually, he’s handsome, a wonderful father and such a kind and hard working person.

We have had some serious issues for around 1 year however things have really intensified recently, it all stems from me telling pointless lies so therefore he doesn’t trust not only what I say about my sexual past but also my feelings sexually towards him. He says I have never made him feel good enough in this way because j havent expressed positive things to him even though have said I do feel them.

At the beginning of our relationship I was immature and disrespected him by staying with a female friend and another friend (M) house. Nothing had ever happened between me and this person however I did not tell him I stayed there and now he thinks there was more to it. Another thing is that before we got together I went on a date with someone else. This makes him feel like he was only an option and thinks sexual things may have happened with this person. There was a kiss and nothing more, I never went on any further dates etc with that person.

In addition to these things he has repeatedly told me that I don’t make him feel good enough sexually because I have never told him positive things or said things about his sexual ability at the right times in what he considers natural ways. I have tried more recently to show how I feel towards him in these ways however they haven’t been consistent.

The lies I have told range from pointless lies about insignificant sexual experiences in the past to changing stories. This has happened several times and over a period of time. Quite rightly he does not know what is true and what is false anymore as he says he cannot believe anything I say.

I know I have made a lot of errors which we easily avoided by me being more open and honest even at difficult times. The lies were never because I thought bad things of him sexually, he’s the best sexually partner I’ve ever had in so many ways. It mostly came from a place of shame around my sexual past and wanting to make him feel good. I realise now that this was the wrong thing to do. I have issues with communication, addressing conflict and being able to effectively take ownership for mistakes. This much is clear.

I know that I have messed my relationship up possibly beyond repair but I want to do everything in my power to help us. I do not want to lose the greatest man I know and live with all my heart.

I guess I am just looking for any advice or a glimmer of hope that things may work out.