Wife filed for divorce. Settlement advice?

Snowbirdy · 2024-01-07T07:17:12+00:00

u/whiskey_piker has good advice, so let me just add, and it’s just occurred to me now, as I’m looking at College payments, and before you calculate the 50/50 split on assets, propose setting up a 529 for the kid out of the marital assets. You can put a fair chunk in there. Up to $17,000 per year per spouse before you run into the gift tax (so you each can set one up), and you can prefund five years of gift. In other words, $170,000 can get set aside. Assuming you have that much of the marital estate, it is well worth it. By the time your 3 year old kid is in college, you should be able to cover the cost of college and potentially part of grad school.

You do need to calculate premarital assets.

You didn’t say which state, but there should be a child support calculator on the state website.

“She” has more assets or …?

Basic calculation is 50/50 division of assets accumulated during the marriage plus whatever the CS calculator says. You otherwise are not required to give her 50% of your salary. So not sure when you’re getting the 50-50 number from. There are different methods of calculating alimony and a depends on a lot of factors, including your state and your personal circumstance. Your lawyer should be advising you on this.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that she is in a friendly negotiation. Be prepared for some thing unreasonable to come back.

whiskey_piker · 2024-01-07T01:40:56+00:00

Separated for 10mos and you don’t know what to ask for?! And you have no olan for what to do with your kid?! Christ man, get in the game. A judge would take one look at your feeble engagement and agree w/ your Ex that you aren’t very responsible or engaged in your child’s upbringing.

Look up the difference between primary custody and shared parenting time. I did shared parenting time and primary custody so I don’t have to deal with my batshit crazy ex.

For this age through HS, I highly recommend a simple week on, week off schedule WITH AS FEW MODIFICATIONS as possible. Skip that “right of first refusal” bullshit. The choppy schedules where you transition multiple times per week are terrible. Hard to adjust to and hard to remember and too chaotic. Do not do that to your kid or yourself.

Minimize transitions at each other’s homes. We always transitioned at school during the school year and at a neutral public place during the summer. My Ex was a volatile screamer so she was forbidden from my property after showing up to rant at my front door during Thanksgiving.

Try to think of what the schedule would look like in High School and when your child has extracurricular activities and either add those provisions or put in a “when child enters 6th grade, we will review the current plan and work together on an update or with a court appointed mediator”. Too many court systems churn out decrees when children are Kindergarten that end up being brutal in later years.

If your Ex has assets, those are on the chopping block so use them as negotiating chips. Your attorney should be advising you on how to negotiate after he knows what you want.

Don’t fall for the “Father agrees to pay 100% of college tuition no matter which college child chooses” type language with cars, college, housing, etc. don’t agree to future things that you cant purchase outright today.

For school extracurricular stuff like sports, have something about sharing costs or at least discussing activities based upon affordability. When you think “Sports” it’s probably like Swimming and the costs are a swimsuit and some goggles, but there are shitty Ex’s that are encouraging their kids to get into Equestrian because they know it will break Dad’s bank account.

Who pays for health insurance? Who pays for cell phone? What religion will the child be raised? Public school or private and who pays? How is after school care decided (a shared facility for 100% of time or a place for the Ex’s week and a place for yours)?

captainchippsixx · 2024-01-06T21:08:33+00:00

You pay support and try to do every other weekend (I don’t know your work schedule). Maybe a Wed night dinner? She wants support so she has to pay for everything.
You need a holiday/bdays schedule parenting plan.

Initially ask for 50/50 split in current assets. Do not give her anything for free. Save stuff to negotiate. Example she will ask for alimony if you make more. You can say you Keep your assets and no alimony. She is keeping the furniture so therefore you can say you have a claim of the 50% of the value. Negotiate that you will the take your hobby stuff? And she can have furniture.

hillbillypsychonaut · 2024-01-06T20:43:44+00:00

You can probably check your local clerk of courts web site for a form. Some US counties also have a preferred default, so it is important to check, know what it is, and what you want that's different than their "norm."

Title	Wife filed for divorce. Settlement advice?
Author	Pharmanomic
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	January 6, 2024 8:09 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1908tys/wife_filed_for_divorce_settlement_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-filed-for-divorce-settlement-advice.1242382 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242382

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