I probably should have filed for divorce years ago after a 10+ year dead bedroom, but I wanted to try to keep the family together. She filed, (more than likely due to me checking out due to the dead bedroom), but I still feel horrible about it. I tried what I thought was possible to fix the relationship, but obviously I failed. I keep trying to rationalize the fact that it takes two to make a relationship work, but I keep putting the blame all on me.

I know I am not asking for advice, but I guess I needed a place to vent. I have been reading this subreddit for a couple of years, and it has helped me not feel alone in this situation.

At 53 years old, it's hard to come up terms that I need to start over. I don't have many friends and it seems hard to create new friendships at this age.

I appreciate everyone sharing their life and it has helped me get through this.