How to not feel depressed after an unsuccessful night out?

intensely_human · 2022-07-08T18:12:44+00:00

You have to keep trying. Nothing worth doing is easy.

The depression comes from the false belief that you’re getting nowhere. As long as you keep moving you’ll get somewhere. But you have to keep trying.

Also, redefine success to the continued effort and self improvement. That’s the win or loss here: whether you keep trying and improving or give up.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-07-08T18:31:07+00:00

You are tying your self esteem and confidence to your success with women, instead of who you are as a person.

Ask yourself these three questions:

Why I really tie my self esteem to success with women?
What do I get out of doing this?
Do I really need to keep doing this?

Provide your answers here and let's dissect.

2022-07-08T18:07:24+00:00

Got to reframe what success is. Success is approaching.

nachetb · 2022-07-08T21:37:42+00:00

This is why I started doing daygame, I was tired of payong money to go to clubs and not being able to approach, Id rather get the social skills during the day, at least I dont have to pay if approach anxiety kicks in.

MyFriendAdrian · 2022-07-08T17:20:36+00:00

I know a guy that bar hops every Saturday and asks wemon if they would sleep with him and if they say yes he talks about they're preferences what they're into, for how long, in detail kinda stuff. Then he leaves his number with them and tells em to get a hold of him before 12 so he can either fuck that night or keep on bar hopping. He's not a good looking guy, he just keeps on asking till something sticks. I forgot what I was writing about what did you say again?

viralchappie · 2022-07-08T17:47:02+00:00

Hey man, To be honest doing this alone is very difficult it is important to look for a wing you guys can motivate each other!
I have had this struggle for a long time that I would go out for a whole night and not talk to anyone and hate my self afterwards.
To cut it short currently I can go out in any country any nightclub and feel good and have a great night with good results.
What I learned.
1. No expectations of myself it is because of these expectations that I don't know what to say. The moment I go out and speak to someone I won
2. Don't set the bar high for myself but build up. I start by saying hello to the waiter, then I ask a group a question, then I get to know someone, then I speak to a cute girl,...
3. No alcohol
4. Every interaction I engage in I end with positivity: "It was really fun to meet you" , "I wish you a nice evening", In this way I have no bad experiences.
5. If I really get into my head I am going to be 100% honest and tell this to the girls . "Hey I find you attractive but I don't know what to say. I'm Elias". Impossible to receive negative reaction when you are vulnerable in this way.
6. Accepting that I am not in state but still taking the right action and talk to people.
The combination of these rules make my night life really fun and memorable and usually I know super many people by the end of the night and can choose the woman I want to escalate further with.
Good luck on your path. If you want me to go into more detail on this you may always send me!

SnooPets1514 · 2022-07-08T18:36:43+00:00

Yo man I’m UK based too.

Few things I’d say:

You going out alone is most likely contributing the most to this depressed feeling because you’re putting huge pressure on yourself to get results. Therefore you’re probably not relaxed and it’s coming through with your approach. See if you can get some mates involved and maybe scale back on night game and do day game instead.
The pace of night game is super fast and most people are drunk as fuck, let’s be honest. If you try have a normal sensible conversation it’s likely they’re just not gonna be in that energy and find it a bit boring. Because they don’t know you also it’s easy for them to move away and not oblige a boring chat if they’re out with their pals. Try not take it personally. It’s probably less to do with you and more the fact they want a good time (if that makes sense) and you’re currently not offering that to them.

Tbh I’m shit with night game because I’m very similar in the sense that I like to chat and I’ve scaled back on drinking BUT I’ve had ONS before from night game, and lots of pulls back in my time and then subsequent dates from numbers I got.

The common denom was that I was being a stupid idiot (if you can call that game). Dancing, shouting mr brightside at the top of my lungs (when that song came on) etc etc.

BE the good energy and girls will want to join in on your bubble.

Also another pro tip, if you see some girls taking selfies, etc. say yo yo lemme take that for you and get the whole group in, then you can have a bit of a chat. It’s all high energy.

The reason why it’s so hard is that I think you have to legitimately be in that GREAT mood and buzzing, you can’t really fake it (which is hard to pull off alone for obvious reasons)

2022-07-08T19:09:47+00:00

Drink at the bar

yyuyuyu2012 · 2022-07-08T22:05:33+00:00

Rightthere with ya buddy. Seperated, late 20's and I keep on approaching. You've got this. Remember when you're going through hell keeping on moving.

ZachMoore88 · 2022-07-08T17:53:57+00:00

Are you doing analysis after each night.....replaying the events in your head to figure out what works and what doesn't?

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-07-08T19:44:22+00:00

What your describing is a common sticking point. For many people the hardest part of game is the abuse their ego takes.

Have you tried to change your focus? Go out with the intention that you are going to talk to lots of people. Just one interaction after another. The purpose is to prove to yourself there is no downside to talking to people and you can frame all of it as a fun social experiment. Once you stop caring about the outcome it becomes easier. Especially if you can frame it as a fun form of self amusement and a way of learning social skills. Your focus should be no self judgement after each approach and after a night of going out, again no self judgement. Catch yourself doing it and put a stop to it. Its all an exersize in not caring about the result and focusing on the process instead. It takes time to learn.

You want to get good interactions going, but its possible your not at that level yet. You may have to drill on just opening and not getting in your head about any of it. Prove to yourself there is no downside to approaching. Turn down the importance of the results. Try to have a smile on your face after every interaction, embrace the chaos of it all. Its just a fun social experiment where you are learning how to calibrate a communication style that works for you.

I learned about this from RSD tyler, and he showed examples of walking up to girls and saying the stupidest shit ever lol. Like "Tomatos...Peppers..." and he'd just keep saying stupid crap like that and even if he got a bad reaction, he was totally desensitized to it. Just nothing, who cares. Another set he walks up to 3 girls, and sticks his head in the group and just stares. They tell him to get lost and he walks back to the students not caring at all. Funny thing is, the girls responded well to the "tomatos" opener. They started listing off vegetables to join the conversation.

Not saying to do that, but if you prove to yourself you can say just about anything and it doesn't matter, then you can focus on improvising opens, attraction bits, etc... Its all about having fun really. Its just a social experiment. Look at the world as one big social experiment where you are trying things out, experimenting. One interaction after another, etc... Just be sure to analyze your game the next day so you can improve. And always have fun, laugh at yourself.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2022-07-09T04:59:26+00:00

You're probably just not actually escalating and actually going for the pull. I escalate and try to pull pretty much every girl I have an interaction with. If you're going out to sleep with girls, you have to actually try to sleep with them. The ability to escalate and actually ask the girl back to your place is the single most important thing you can do at night. So if you are not actually escalating and actively trying to sleep with her, then that's probably your problem.

Title	How to not feel depressed after an unsuccessful night out?
Author	Parking-Dependent-93
Upvotes	13
Comments	21
Date	July 8, 2022 4:59 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vufea8/how_to_not_feel_depressed_after_an_unsuccessful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-not-feel-depressed-after-an-unsuccessful.1254988 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254988

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