I’m a 25year old male and I’ve never attracted a single woman in my life. How do I stop myself from feeling so bitter and salty about this?

2022-01-11T19:02:22+00:00

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TherealPadrae · 2022-01-11T17:46:52+00:00

You got two choices, give up and lose or double down and improve. Do you have a job? Do you have any female friends? How often are you social?

I would firstly make sure you have a job and income, then start working out. I don’t know how well dressed and groomed you are but make sure you have a nice haircut and good hygiene. Always take pride in your appearance this will make you more confident. Once you got the foundation use all you’re opportunities to be social and have fun conversations. Make a few more friends and take everything at a slow and steady pace. Then go on the offensive, go to speed dating, events with high ratios of women and make conversation whenever you see a nice woman who looks up for being social as well.

Hang around with guys who know what they are doing and it will help a lot. Sounds like you have some confidence issues that you can fix. I don’t know why you mentioned your dark skinned that’s not a issue, plenty of women are more into dark skinned guys you just have to know where to look…

Come out of you’re shell and relax, then have fun conversations with as many women as you can. Out of 100 women at least 20 will be semi interested then 10 more so, then 5 will go on a date and 2 will want to keep seeing you. Do you’re thing and don’t worry about failing we’re all already dead we just don’t know it live you’re fucking life.

Gobonono · 2022-01-11T20:48:34+00:00

All of you mentioning the dude needs a haircut and new cloths really have no clue what this guy is going through.

ComprehensiveCunt · 2022-01-11T18:01:41+00:00

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Lonely_Man22 · 2022-01-11T20:52:35+00:00

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2022-01-11T20:11:33+00:00

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OrzhovPalatine · 2022-01-11T19:10:31+00:00

Presently I suggest you find guys that seem to have the results you want and talk to/watch them. You need some hope presently to counter that defeatist mindset you have before anything else.

When I was in your shoes I literally went hat in hand to anyone who seemed to be getting what I wanted and just shadowed them and took notes.

When I found guys that looked like me or in similar situation as me actually succeeding it gave my hope to actually try and overtime that got me into self improvement and the rest was history.

Kieldro · 2022-01-11T23:01:13+00:00

Do you even lift?

jjboy91 · 2022-01-11T23:18:23+00:00

I now it's stupid to think that but it's what I'm noticing everyday. Social proof is the issue, where I live my ethnicity is not deemed attractive (Indian) and on dating apps it's even worse cause they say it out loud without problem.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-01-12T02:29:27+00:00

1

Therapy is something that anyone can benefit from. Even Style, the guy who wrote the Game, has said that he massively benefited from going to therapy.

I say this because everything in your post indicates a huge inner game issue with your self-confidence which cannot be solved by going to a forum populated with a lot of people who also have similar inner game issues.

Coming here it's not a substitute for therapy. If you want to start working on this issue and make some real progress, PM me and we can figure out how you can start looking for therapy options in your area.

Something like group therapy can be a really great place to start because it's a lot less pressure and you get to listen to other people have similar problems which helps quite a lot.

2

To others on the thread, please remember to read the rules before commenting and posting.

So many of the responses here have disregarded Rule 7: physical limitations. A lot of nonsense in the comments about how you need to get swole in order to be attractive, etc. Utterly false.

And a lot of other comments which are outside the scope of this sub. Basically if your comments have been removed, you can consider it an early warning, preemptive to temporary or permanent bans.

gh0stgirl1 · 2022-01-11T23:13:55+00:00

A lot of these answers feel a little shallow to me so I’m going to build off of them. Yes, your physical appearance does have an effect on things but its more than that in any relationship, even physical relationships need some sort of comfortability and ability to talk to each-other.

Some main points,

Build your confidence! Build yourself up!

Work on yourself as a person, your personality is what backs you up not your physical build. (physical build is a plus, but if you’re lean and keep yourself hygienic that’s normally more than enough)

If you’re too focused on your physical appearance, when you finally do get to talk to a girl you’ll have no idea how to do it or what to talk about.

I highly recommend finding things you enjoy, that can be enjoyed with others. Sure it could be the gym or a sport but it could also be a club, if you’re in college I’d recommend checking out the clubs and finding people with common interests. (If you’re not in college, look for local things, or see if there are any open-campus colleges near you. Open campus means that they let anyone walk around & into the cafeterias. [If you meet someone you could always just say that you’re checking out the campus, or you have a friend that you were waiting for] )

**Taking a class on something could be a great way to find someone with common interests too. I’ve met plenty of people through classes, just make sure they’re around your age though, dont accidentally make a reputation for yourself.

When you become more confident in yourself, talking to other people gets easier because you dont feel as much pressure.

2.Be more social in general, yes with girls but with guys too.

Do you talk to girls often? If you dont talk to many girls you probably wont find one that’s both single and into you.

You need to be social to find them, even if you are attractive. (Many people wont approach someone they find attractive because they find it daunting) (this also brings be back to the joining clubs thing, if you find common interests you’ll be able to establish a connection better. But you have to know yourself, know your interests, to even see if there’s common ground.)

Talking to and befriending more guys will help you get second-hand experience, seeing what works for them and also gives them the ability to introduce you to more people. A friend will want to help you out, but also just being around them and observing what works for other people will help a ton.

—

Girls may initially talk to you because of your look but in the end it’s about how comfortable they feel around you and the way you engage with each-other. If you seem like you’re only talking to them for a chance to date them or get in their pants, that could make them uncomfortable and push away. Lots of people can smell desperation and it’s enough to scare people off. Just a warning, not saying you’re desperate or anything just thinking of my personal experience with people.

Edit: Also: you’ve probably had girls be attracted to you before, but just didn’t know the signs. Girls can be very sub-contextual at times(this only applies to flirting, no one get the wrong idea) Recommend reading up on body language too or watching some basic YouTube videos on it.

Also become familiar with the body language that you give off. If you seem unapproachable, people will pick up on it and stay away.

2022-01-11T17:39:53+00:00

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SgtSplacker · 2022-01-11T20:37:15+00:00

I would work out, maybe work out a bit, oh you can workout too!

jayjonas1996 · 2022-01-11T23:08:38+00:00

I’m in same boat and I’ve started cutting off people who are of no use to me and do not care about me (you can call me recovering nice guy),

I’m constantly reading books slower to keep gaining knowledge gradually in self improvement, confidence, discipline, social interaction etc. I’m planning to hit the gym daily once I return to university next week.

Imagine yourself on a 1st floor of tall building and see your life as you have so much left to achieve and start working on it one by one. I saw you post history, by now you must’ve realised that money and looks are only a small catalyst in attraction the real chemical you need to have for seduction is game (charisma), how to talk to people, reading peoples intentions and body language, physique (gym fit body) regardless of your age and the age difference (you’re anyway very young considering the amount of improvement you can do in just a year)

But we both know this, we’ll have to work our asses off to get to some real game numbers, Reading books constantly , hitting gym almost every day, work on our social skills (what to say, how to drive conversation) etc etc. and once we get there, how to escalate sexually, ask for date, maximise dating profile outcome.

Human brain can easily get addicted to self pity and self loathing and hope for someone to hand us a magic pill which will enlighten us and make us great in a day to start attracting people. But like I said, let’s start working on ourselves without being in any urgency, become confident in approaching and leave the shame and fear of rejection to thrash.

I read in someone’s post in this sub that women are way more afraid of rejection that is why women almost never approach or confess and they’ll rather friendzone you (if you don’t escalate) rather than them escalating the situation. So it’s proven since years now it’s us men who will have to do all the work and leave all the expectations at bay.

Lonely_Man22 · 2022-01-12T00:47:32+00:00

"I don’t know why I’m so unattractive to all women"

Because you think that. Confidence is key. Don't give a crap about them. I know it sounds rude but ignoring girls works.

ProductIntergortion · 2022-01-12T01:30:45+00:00

Your post history is wild. You have made pretty much the same advice-seeking post 7x over the past year and continually minimize or reject the same advice given to you over and over again. Isn’t there some adage about making the same mistake in the same way? My favorite comment of yours was on a post of a woman lamenting 4 of her past horrible relationships, two of which the men cheated on her, one that couldn’t and didn’t care to make her orgasm, and one who would literally only give her one hour of visiting a week. You said “I find it fascinating you have so many options, but yet you still feel so alone.” Your posts continue to offer little detail so no one can offer you truly useful critique. I’ve never come across a real life troll but I’m happy to say Today I’ve found they truly exist!

bmead0ws · 2022-01-12T02:10:55+00:00

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you're quiet or very reserved and don't have many friends.

Zombie3185960 · 2022-01-11T17:45:52+00:00

You're way of thinking is as though you are a woman, like you're just waiting to attract a woman with your looks and charm and have her pursue you. That is traditionally and instinctively the woman's role, not yours. If you act that way you'll give off gay best friend vibes. You need to actually flirt with and court women, you do the pursuing, the woman's end of it if she's interested is to give you increasing green lights ie encouragement, returned flirting, making openings for you for example like "I have nothing to do this weekend ugh" (that means ask her out on date!). It's normal to need practice to learn social skills as far as how to flirt and pursue without accidentally spooking her as well as learning to identify green lights, so remember it's normal to practice your way through trial and error and think of it as learning (literally just practicing) at first without caring about the outcome.

THER0v3r · 2022-01-11T19:27:04+00:00

First work on yourself, get new clothes, a new haircut, hit the gym, anything but DO SOMETHING, the important thing is that you start feeling better about yourself, then go to a whohouse or see a prostitute, and practice talking to an attractive woman, ask her for her opinion, or tips, trust me, that always helps at first

Lonely_Man22 · 2022-01-11T18:11:13+00:00

I have a job that pays 70k a year, I have about 2 female friends and I mentioned I’m dark skinned because I’ve had girls call me a burnt crisp so this obviously puts me at a disadvantage with girls as stated from the horses mouth. As for hygiene, I’m good with that and dress decent. I’m social at work which I go to 5days a week.

2022-01-11T21:24:31+00:00

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2022-01-11T21:31:01+00:00

Easy. Diet and exercise.

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-01-11T22:14:06+00:00

The way you turn this around is to work on yourself. Work on how you communicate with women in a seduction context. Learn about what makes you attractive through practice. You have to socialize with women, find out what is and isn't working for you, stretch yourself by trying out some new things, and learn what is the most attractive version of you.

There is alot more I can say on this topic as I'm a middle aged guy now and went through the same thing when I was 25. It was very tough. But its a fixable problem if you address it. Just don't dwell on the negatives and be sure you are working on the solution. Once you are on track and know you are, your beliefs will change and your outlook will be much better. Not to mention your dating life will improve.

Question is, where will you go to meet women so you can work on this?

Remarkable_Let_1658 · 2022-01-11T22:37:06+00:00

Work on your mindset, you mentioned that you worked out already and did not noticed any changes. You have to stop doing things for other aka women acceptance. You might have to seek therapy, I did and it only improved my life. You can get a nice job, good body, and still have a shitty life due to your mindset. I’ll start on that, everything will fall in place after.

ChristianDee · 2022-01-11T23:08:55+00:00

Have good Hygiene
Fitness/Exercise
Confidence in your speech
Be Fun/Interesting and have hobbies
Try to get a job (if you dont already have one)

Focus on improving in all these areas. They will come.

funwitclass · 2022-01-12T00:45:06+00:00

Wear a perfume. Dark skin or not, doesn't matter. Smile ( if you have nice teeth), dress in clean clothes, practice your talk. Believe me, there is a person for everyone.

ggpolizzi · 2022-01-12T00:47:03+00:00

I really think that the way you feel about yourself really reflects in your interactions with others, and I mean this generally and not aimed at you OP specifically. As a woman, height and skin color don not matter to me whatsoever, but personality has to be engaging. One thing is lack of confidence, and we all go through that, even ones of us who do feel confident, but if a man is giving off vibes that they’re blaming all their romantic misfortunes on “I’m too short” or “I’m too dark”, that is a major turn off. For reference, I have been very chubby and somewhat thin, and on neither end of the spectrum have I had an issue with getting hit on or men wanting relationships with me, and I really think it’s because of my personality. Honestly, looks don’t matter to a lot of girls, definitely not most of the women I know. Some have dated only handsome men and ended up marrying not-as-handsome ones, or vise versa, and any combination there of. Trend? The guys who they ended up marrying were the ones that treated them with respect and honesty, and made their intentions know, whether that was long-term commitment, marriage, or just casual dating in the non-married instances. Good luck to you, I know some of this is easier said than applied to day to day life, and not to sound cliché, but just be yourself and respect women, and you will meet the right one for you.

Edit to add: if possible, stay off online dating because, and I don’t mean to offend those who have been successful there, it is a very toxic thing and not reflective of what true organic interest, connections and chemistry is like. I don’t have an alternative other than just try to meet people irl.

SnooDucks66 · 2022-01-12T00:53:33+00:00

it doesn’t matter about how you look it doesn’t matter about how tall you are or anything like that bro don’t listen to the ppl talking about show me a picture. you are yourself and you can’t change that so just be the best you and be confident in yourself. women love confident and smart men just continue to be you and the one will come along. live your best life no matter who is in it and who isn’t

BigBootyBrandi23 · 2022-01-12T00:59:08+00:00

Confidence- it’s everything!

2022-01-12T01:03:00+00:00

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andyhura · 2022-01-12T01:06:25+00:00

You speak down on yourself and I’m sure that shows in how you carry yourself. Work on yourself physically ofcorse, but also improve your self esteem. If you are confident in yourself it will show and that is a major part of attraction. I suggest watching this guy https://youtu.be/z0pZ_iUiXzc

walkaroundconf · 2022-01-12T01:16:13+00:00

For one being dark skin has nothing to do with you not getting girls, skin color rarely has an effect unless you go down south in the US even then most people in their 20s 30s aren't racist as much as older people.

Second you need confidence in yourself, you sound like someone that has zero confidence in yourself

I don’t know why I’m so unattractive to all women

You're probably not, but the thing is you yourself puts a barrier upon yourself limiting any kind of chance you have. You basically decided the outcome before anything even got off the ground. It's kinda like shooting yourself in the foot then trying to walk.

One way to turn this around is socialize more. There's an app called Meetup, that lets you find events and clubs near you. Stuff like board games, trivia night, even just general hangout. Try that go out and talk to people, doesn't necessarily have to be women. Once you get comfortable being around people, and or make new friends at events like that, ask those people if there's other events happening and if you can be invited etc.

Then do cold approaches if you feel comfortable. There's def more posts on this sub about those so read to learn more.

Main point to get out of this is you can't change your outcome if you don't change what you do. You can't do the same thing and expect different results.

2022-01-12T01:50:38+00:00

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cormacru999 · 2022-01-12T02:12:44+00:00

First, I want to say that its normal to feel bad about this & you shouldn't feel any shame about it, or like you're not allowed to feel that way. You are not allowed to blame everyone else for it, or women in general, but it doesn't sound like you are, I just mention it because some men do.

There are several ways to go about changing this, one is just try dating, use a dating site, go on dates, don't have any expectations & understand that it will be a learning experience. And I think if you're honest & upfront that you're inexperienced, you're less likely to have problems that way. If you have trouble just having regular friendships with anyone as well, which is where many people actually meet dates, either coworkers or friends, friends of friends, you should try joining some social activities, just focus on the friendships & allow any romance to grow organically. You could join a bowling or pool league, a local sports activity, there are endless possibilities.

But another important aspect is to seek out some therapy, so you can learn how to have a better self worth, so that you can see that you do have things to offer, & how to deal with the normal mental health issues you're having, like depression, low self worth, etc. There is truth that some confidence can go a long way in social relationships & a great way to build that up is by working with a professional who's entire job is to help YOU.

I'm not sure what you mean by being dark. You might be experiencing racism, or even colorism from fellow people of color, but its also true that its never been a better time to be a person of color. There is still obvious racism but there is also a lot of celebration of ethnicity, cultures, & maybe if you leaned into that, it might work better. If you can cook a cultural meal for someone, sharing food is an ancient human ritual that brings people together.

Another thing, I'm not sure is a great idea, but expose yourself to some criticism, by which I mean, ask people what they see when they look at you. My concern though is that even well meaning strangers online can be cruel, many people still think tough love or brutal honesty is a virtue, when really it should be combined with empathy. But if you know any women, that you know well enough to just talk to, you could tell them that you're struggling with this & could really use some advice or tips. make it clear that you're not suggesting they date you right now, just that you'd like to hear their perspective in a kind way.

Avoid seduction experts, avoid self help gurus, do try therapy & maybe even something like a men's group if they offer that where you find therapy, or perhaps they exist online by now, given the changes with Covid.

Title	I’m a 25year old male and I’ve never attracted a single woman in my life. How do I stop myself from feeling so bitter and salty about this?
Author	Lonely_Man22
Upvotes	69
Comments	80
Date	January 11, 2022 5:31 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/s1ifde/im_a_25year_old_male_and_ive_never_attracted_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-a-25year-old-male-and-ive-never-attracted-a.1269259 https://theredarchive.com/post/1269259

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