You’ll often see advice that advocates for having an abundance mentality, or viewing yourself as prize. While this is a correct line of thinking and should be encouraged, it can be superficial to a degree.

Having an abundance mindset in dating doesn’t come easily if you historically don’t have a lot of success with women, or your most recent interactions with women have been negative.

Confidence with women is like a snowball effect. Once you date or have sex with a few attractive women, they become demystified, and you’ll gain more confidence as time goes on. Getting over that initial mental hurdle can difficult, but there are some small actions you can take to view yourself as a prize and not get needy around an attractive woman, when you don’t necessarily have a lot of dating success.

  1. Realize that beauty is common. Yes, coming into contact with a highly desirable woman can be intimating when you don’t have experience, but you must have the mindset that you need to see if you like her as well, not just that you hope she likes you. Focus on your passions, what you feel your purpose is, what makes you unique. If you don’t feel like you have a purpose or passion, you will need primarily focus on developing yourself and become an interesting person.

  2. Get into shape. This might seem like basic advice, but having a masculine, dominant physical presence is key. This doesn’t mean you have to be huge or have a six pack, but maintaining your health and physical appearance will give you an innate sense of confidence.

  3. Do things that make you uncomfortable. We all don’t like to do things that make us nervous or put us outside of our comfort zone, but this is what will yield the highest sense of confidence. Whether it’s pushing your physical limits or engaging in activities that make you confront your fears, social interactions will seem less intimidating.

  4. Focus on your existing positive relationships. Whether it’s with friends, family, colleagues, teammates, etc. Visualize your support network; whether it’s a large group or one person. This will help you realize you will be fine without the approval of someone from the opposite sex.

  5. You will get more no’s than yes’s, but the yes’s will give you the confidence. If you got rejected by 100 women, but got a yes from the most beautiful, magnetic woman you have ever met, would the no’s ultimately matter? You have to accept than in order to meet beautiful women, you will encounter rejection along the way, and probably a lot of it. This isn’t to say that you should expect rejection, but it is just a simple fact that the majority of women you encounter will be ambivalent towards you, no matter how attractive you are. That’s why you need to figure out what type of woman appeals to you the most, and put yourself in situations where you are likely to meet them.

A few spectacular yes’s can negate hundreds of no’s. You have to put yourself out there.