Mental health. :(

BrinksNY · 2014-10-28T22:52:47+00:00

I think you're overstating the issues with your mental health. Everyone has moments where they feel insecure, introverted, extroverted, and every emotion under the sun.

You're 17 - I think you should stop worrying about such things and instead focusing on having a very open perspective of the world, and welcome any experiences that come your way (and also actively seek out new ones). It's these experiences at a young age that will set the foundation for being a confident man as you continue to get older.

With that said, since you've asked...

How can I permanently keep that mental state of awesomeness?

You can't, really. "State" (the general PUA term to describe being in that mental state of awesomeness) is an elusive thing, and it takes years of successes and failures to get to the point where you can simply snap into it. Everyone does it differently, and it will take experience to figure out what works for you. For example, for me, I try to get blown out as HARD as possible early on in the night so I can start giggling about it, and then I'm good to go. My best wingman prefers to slowly start with "easy" social approaches and ramp up from there. Another guy in our crew prefers to have a beer or two with friends and fuck around until he's feeling good. Another guy uses ten minutes of meditation and then is on.

cewbren · 2014-10-29T20:50:37+00:00

Spoke about this a lot before on here but I'll chip in again because I feel as though it's necessary in this case.

Personally I suffer from a cocktail of mental illnesses (autism/depression/social anxiety) and I'm still a virgin who has bumbled through a few dates, so just as a disclaimer I'm not some Casanova coming to provide you with the cheat codes to being the supremely confident guy who makes girls panties fly off when they even sense your presence, what I can offer though is my observations and perspective coming from a place of mental illness.

For me the first thing you have to learn as a guy with these kind of issues is that this journey is going to be more emotionally and mentally tough than it would be for the average guy but in the end it is more rewarding and you will learn more about yourself for it.

Now about that "journey" I was talking about, I'm still on it and I'm so far from any conceivable "end" that even to me the whole process of self improvement seems at times futile, however I know fine well that I'm much more well equipped to start taking steps forward than I was when I started the journey and I know the process to take those steps forward. Instead of thinking of the situation as so black and white you should recognize that your goal should be to connect as a human and build confidence that way, taking the highs and lows that come with that and not trying to find some switch that makes you Mr Smooth and confident 100% of the time because that isn't achievable straight away. I do totally agree with you on the point that "be yourself" isn't great advice, what they should be telling you is "go work on yourself until you feel that yourself is someone who would be comfortable in these kind of situations".

For me you need to start being disciplined, the only times I can really maintain a flow state for an extended period of time (in all aspects of life) is when I'm getting a combination of good sleep, good diet, not excessively masturbating X times a day to porn and finding time to sit and shut my mind off from the problems in my life for 10 minutes a day (aka meditation). When I have this in place I'm not suddenly making women weak at the knees but I do feel more connected to people, less avoidant and ultimately more comfortable socializing which makes rejection and adversity seem like less of a problem. In addition I see women less as sex prizes that I have to go out and get for some kind of ego boost and instant gratification and more as humans that I can connect with and enjoy their company and if they want to have fun then that's a bonus to the connection.

Good luck man but just remember there are people out there who are in your shoes and you've just got to keep fighting! It's not going to be easy but why should it be when the rewards are so great?!

ibuprofiend · 2014-10-29T01:44:13+00:00

Echoing the other guy, I also have mood swings from "invincible god" to "want to crawl into a hole and die", and it might be some mild form of bipolar, or, by the more descriptive name, manic depression. I'm not a psychiatrist and I've never been to one, but from what I've read that matches pretty well bipolar's pattern of alternating mania and depression.

ithearrow · 2014-10-29T04:21:39+00:00

You are not your emotions my friend! I understand completely how you feel, I honestly have been that guy in many situations and it really hurts when these demons paralyze you. The truth is, we all suffer from them and the only way to tackle emotions, is to face them head on. That confident guy you see who's able to fluently talk to women wasn't born that way, he had to face the same obstacles you're facing now. Realize that no guy who is good with women from birth. You are still young so you definitely can improve yourself. My suggestions are to develop the habit of talking to everyone, and saying no to these emotions and pushing through. Although it will be hard at first ( pain period), don't give up. I believe in you, you can do it man. :)

redpossum · 2014-10-29T06:01:12+00:00

Not the place. The people here are unlikely to be well versed in the issues and have a tendency to practice macho bullshit in any and all advice given, which is rarely best for sufferers of mental health issues.

phillipsap · 2014-10-29T10:11:43+00:00

I was the same for 3 years straight - I ended up waking up one morning and had an epiphany that went along the lines of "fuck everyone else I need to have some fun, its time I had some actual fun in life" and i haven't broken out of it since. Best thing to remember is that there is always a finish line ahead of you, you will get there, it may take time but you will get there. Everything is temporary.

Sushi-san · 2014-10-29T00:06:16+00:00

I am like you. I'm not necessarily saying this is your case but I have bipolar disorder. 90% of the time, I'm not very social and I feel like shit, and the other 10% I feel like if I was on coke like ridiculously confident and so on.

n1mar · 2014-10-29T13:20:49+00:00

The next time you feel confident stop and look around, try to take note of what's happening, who are the people surrounding you, what you're wearing, what did you drink. Write that down and you will know what's going on. To keep a good mental state you have to take care of yourself. Get a haircut, dress well and all that stuff.

Title	Mental health. :(
Author	Gibly
Upvotes	5
Comments	11
Date	October 28, 2014 10:00 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2km2xz/mental_health/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/mental-health.1294997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1294997

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