She told me "there's no chemistry" after 4 awesome dates

caesarfecit · 2021-02-03T18:03:45+00:00

It's not that complicated.

She was into you, but then you got tunnel-vision, got trapped in your head, she started doubting the vibe (likely on the third date when your anxiety peaked), and then she pulled back.

She likely went over to your place seriously considering sleeping with you, but you were giving off the wrong vibe, so she hit the eject button.

To me, the key thing to pick up from OP's post was when she came back saying she wasn't feeling the chemistry, she asked what he thought of her. That translated means "gimme a dose of authenticity so I can make up my mind about whether I psyched myself out or this guy just wants to get laid."

And OP screwed that up by trying too hard to play it cool. That told her "don't bother, this interaction isn't worth pursuing."

I've had this happen to me several times. The worst was one of my best female friends (who later admitted that she had dreams and fantasies about me). I nearly got with her, but I got tunnel-vision, got trapped in my head, started acting more and more inauthentically, and her interest in me dried up faster than tears in the desert.

And I remember it being confusing to the point of traumatizing in the moment. She'd say she just wasn't feeling the chemistry and I'd be thinking "are you on crack!? You've dropped enough hints for even a blind man to notice!" But in hindsight, it's clear that it couldn't have played out any other way considering the way I was behaving, and I have to live with that knowledge.

The lesson to take away from this is that a guy worthy of a beautiful girl doesn't get phased by her beauty. He remembers that she's just a girl, with hopes and fears, insecurities and an ego and agenda of her own. That's what matters, not how she looks and what it would be like to get with her.

Your focus determines your destiny.

Now as for what to do with her? You're on the right track. You correctly see that you got over-invested, and to stop chasing her. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. That's not important.

What is important is that you learn the lesson and remember to be authentic, don't get anxious, and look at the full picture of her, not just her sexuality. It's important that you learn this now, before the next girl who's even hotter comes along and you screw it up with her too.

fudgeredpill · 2021-02-03T17:04:51+00:00

From my experience, it's likely the 3rd date you fucked up. A girl invites herself to YOUR place to play CHESS is looking for sex. Getting cold feet or nerves isn't the same thing as not wanting to do it. She didn't want to feel like a slut or what not, she wanted you to be a man and lead her and seduce her to sex organically. There is what a woman says and what a woman is actually saying.

hunterpua · 2021-02-03T16:29:30+00:00

I'm not really getting the picture of the awesomeness of these dates but this might have more to do with how little you described them than what actually happened.

The thing is, if you're really into someone or you're new to someone as pretty as her being into you then there is a tendency for you to think the dates were more awesome than they actually are.

Go into more detail on these dates you went on so I can better help you understand why things went the way they did.

what should I do next?

As far as this is concerned, what you should do next is what you should have done during the time you were still seeing her and that is, meet other girls, go on dates with other girls, have sex with other girls.

Its weird coz its like guys go through a mini breakup when the girl they're seeing suddenly decides to stop seeing them.

She wasn't your girlfriend throughout all that time you were seeing her. Why weren't you seeing other girls?

I'll tell you this, there is a pretty good chance that there's another guy involved in this whole situation and she's probably leaning more towards him.

And its not wrong for her to have done that, she was still being single while you were prematurely committing to her.

...

This part is for everyone reading this comment

If you find this advice helpful and want to be part of a Facebook group that believes in finesse over brute force, technique over strength, smart work over hard work, Seduction over pursuit then send me a direct message letting me know you want to join.

If you are serious about improving your dating life then I'll be happy to welcome you in.

Biz_Rito · 2021-02-03T16:07:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

STD_Tyler · 2021-02-03T18:13:10+00:00

Maybe you suck at chess or she is not into guys who start with 1.E4. She is more in 1.D4 guys...

AlenSplico · 2021-02-03T17:44:12+00:00

No chemistry = she doesnt find you attractive.. dont worry girls are good at manipulation.

She used your free attention. Never mind you learn from everything new.

I assume you are a young guy.

If she liked you it would be much easy and you wouldnt get mixed signals. Best of luck in finding the right girl.

jcakes79 · 2021-02-03T15:37:09+00:00

Well I would say your first problem is putting her on a fucking number scale, so that pretty says you are shallow, second she asked you how you felt about her and you went to some “dating coach” that told you act disinterested, what you should have done was answered her question instead of playing games which you lost and told her a bullshit lie. Lieing and beating around the bush never work out well neither does playing games

iron_ee · 2021-02-03T18:37:05+00:00

live and learn, don't dwell too much on this one. on to the next one bro

Title	She told me "there's no chemistry" after 4 awesome dates
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	26
Date	February 3, 2021 3:27 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lbpz5y/she_told_me_theres_no_chemistry_after_4_awesome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/she-told-me-theres-no-chemistry-after-4-awesome.1307890 https://theredarchive.com/post/1307890

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