Last year at school I met a girl while working on a project for school. We spent a lot of time together, built up a rapport, accumulated in jokes, and did some flirting. She’s incredibly quick witted and has an alpha personality of her own. I love that. I love the teasing and the competitions we have, but I also love the teamwork we built up (that project was really REALLY hard).

Here’s the thing: I care too much. I can’t make a move. I know what I want. I wanna match wits with her under my covers, basking in our after sex glow. I wanna be close enough to her to be able to call her up without anything in particular to say. I wanna intensify that feeling I get around her: that we’re both competitors and on the same team. But I can’t stop over analyzing things. I feel like a chick, going over every conversation we’ve had, looking for hidden messages. I’m afraid of looking like I’m taking myself too seriously (I probably am), of making her uncomfortable, and generally of looking like a nervous dweeb. I shouldn’t care, and I usually don’t, but now I feel like everything has to be the funniest and smartest thing you’ve ever heard or I’m an idiot. I feel like if everything I do doesn’t ooze confidence, I’m a pussy. I can’t make fun of myself anymore.

I’m the kind of guy who likes being in charge of stuff. I don’t usually take it personally when things don’t go my way, either with girls or in the rest of my life. I can walk into a job interview and not get too nervous, even if I have my doubts about landing it. I’m not a great public speaker, but public speaking doesn’t make me nervous. I’m not ashamed to say I have a generally high opinion of myself, and that’s usually where my humor comes from- making fun of my own arrogance. I’m also that guy who’s not afraid to tell a joke that might cross some boundaries with the people I’m around (a holdover of my high school days as a punk rocker). I think in terms of options and opportunities, as opposed to getting locked into one narrow goal. What I’m trying to say is I don’t usually get hung up on what one person thinks of me. And now that I have, I feel like a sap. What terrifies me right now is the chance that she sees my attraction to her the same way I do.

So I’ve been doing something weird. The past couple weeks I’ve kept her at arms length, playing up how busy I’ve been. Granted, I’ve been really busy, so I have an excuse. But when we talk I’m usually the one to end the conversation right after the main reason for her or I to be calling has been settled. In doing this, however, I’ve realized the one move I CAN do is to just walk away. My reasoning is that if I can’t move forward, I should be directing my energy somewhere else. I’m definitely not close enough to her to warrant this much attachment, and since I can’t really cool it off I should try again somewhere else.

Tldr: if you can’t get rid of your AA for one girl, is it better to just walk away and direct your energy elsewhere?