Telling a girl that you are sleeping with other girls. Pros vs Cons?

intjpua · 2010-11-16T02:12:56+00:00

Somewhere along the way, this almost completely stopped being an issue for me. Somehow, something about my behavior, attitude, whatever, makes it apparent that I'm not being exclusive. Further, something about that attitude makes it OK with the girls I'm pursuing, and they don't expect exclusivity. I even find that a lot of girls now try to qualify themselves to me as being "not looking for a relationship", and make it clear they don't expect me to call them every day, before I ever bring it up. They seem to want to make it clear they're down for whatever shape of relationship I want, including just a one night stand (though I don't do one night stands...if a girl is worth fucking once, she's almost certainly worth fucking many times).

But, I would like to recommend never lying, for any reason...even if it means you don't get laid that night, or ever, with that girl. The fallout from lying is pretty much never worth it, assuming you're not a sociopath and completely uncaring of what anyone else feels or experiences. There are millions of girls. Most of whom you won't have to lie to to get into bed.

The flip side is I wouldn't advise being specific about who you're sleeping with or what you're doing with them. "Don't kiss and tell" is an old bit of wisdom passed down through the ages. There's a really good reason it has survived for so long. I know a girl who was fine with the guy she was dating having a fuck buddy, until she learned her name and saw her picture on his phone. Once the girl was a specific person with a name, her jealousy became overwhelming. She told him to choose, and he gave her an "I love you" spiel and agreed to stop seeing the other girl...she dumped him, anyway. She also made fun of his small penis to her friends. Jealousy is an ugly beast. Don't feed it.

r337ard · 2010-11-16T00:56:03+00:00

Don't lie, don't give up information blatantly. Going out with other girls is DHV. Being discrete and not blabbing like a teenager is also DHV. Phrases like, "Last week I had drink with a girl I know" do everything you need without spilling too much information.

MrRisky · 2010-11-16T01:56:14+00:00

"I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now" works pretty well for me.

philosarapter · 2010-11-16T17:06:59+00:00

She doesn't need to know what doesn't concern her.

throwaway42 · 2010-11-16T00:34:19+00:00

Pro: She might be cool with it.

Con: She might not and you wouldn't get any.

The last fwb girl I told about that other girl I was sleeping with was not cool with it, even though we made it clear from the outset that there would be 'no obligations, no disappointment'. Took a whole night of sweet-talking until she would let me again.

2010-11-16T02:32:13+00:00

A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.

cheddarchexmix · 2010-11-16T00:36:32+00:00

Umm yeah! Unless she has heavily implied that she expects exclusivity, I don't find anything wrong with not talking about exclusivity/whether you/her is seeing other people until such a point that you have the "relationship talk" and at that point you have to make a decision on what you want with her.

I'm always totally honest with the women I see, but I don't think seeing multiple people at the same time, including sleeping with them, is dishonest or immoral. Sex isn't that big of a deal. Obviously once you make a commitment to someone to be exclusive you need to adhere to that, but before that, they should assume that you are seeing other people. The ball is in her court to ask, if she really wants to know.

yokhai · 2010-11-16T03:55:51+00:00

You don't have to offer information if you don't want. I do, but thats just me and my game.

However please, please, don't lie. If she out right asks, just say yes, and then politely explain that's your life style, that you are safe (you best be safe) and would understand if that is a problem for her.

Do not be afraid to loose this chick because she can't handle it, be prepared to shake hands and walk away. I would say from my experience, more than half with will be just say they are just fine with it. (Even if they aren't, they just lied to you, so its their problem now)

2010-11-16T03:26:36+00:00

I sure as hell wouldn't tell a con. They may have a shank, and wouldn't be afraid of time in solitary to get even with you.

Tell the pro, absolutely. They probably have a bunch of other Johns that they service and really won't much care. That is, unless it's another pro. She might just shank you for that as well.

Title	Telling a girl that you are sleeping with other girls. Pros vs Cons?
Author	lumberingrobot
Upvotes	4
Comments	15
Date	November 16, 2010 12:29 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e6oab/telling_a_girl_that_you_are_sleeping_with_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/telling-a-girl-that-you-are-sleeping-with-other.1313001 https://theredarchive.com/post/1313001

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