I was that fat kid growing up. The class clown. The dorky teacher's pet who lifts his hand to answer every question and always knows the answer. I had a troubled home life and no self-esteem for 18 some odd years; how could I? My sole accomplishments of note were being the funny fat kid and scoring well on tests. And, sure, academic success is nice, but when you're fat, really fat, it overwhelms everything. I wasn't the smart kid: I was the smart fat kid. I wasn't the funny guy; I was the fat funny guy. Quick aside, guys, get in shape -- I'm improving but not really there yet, but I can tell you, the single easiest confidence boost is feeling healthy.

So there I am, growing up a ham beast. I have friends; lots of friends, in school, because fat kids are funny. They have to be; it's the only form of social validation they're going to get, so you bet your ass we're all a riot. Plus, children's humor is nigh exclusively cruel: it's always at someone's expense. When you hate yourself, that's awesome, making someone else feel bad. You briefly don't feel like the shittiest thing in the room. Anyway, I pork my way through middle school, funny and smart and friendly, but I never have any success with girls. I have crushes then, but I never have a Valentine, or tell a girl I like her.

Why would I? If I kept it to myself, I could never be shot down. I'd never get anywhere, but I could fantasize and imagine, and a warm fantasy is a lot nicer than being rejected. And of course I'd be rejected: unhappy and unattractive teenagers don't get chicks. I was a coward. I lived the life of a big fat pussy before I ever saw one. However, around 14, I lucked out: I had an internet girlfriend! I met her on a game, and it was perfect. Online, it wasn't about how I looked, or how I felt nervous around girls. Online, I could be as funny and charming as I was, without my nervousness, low self-esteem, and lack of confidence wrecking it. I was dirty and smart and fun to talk to. For two years I 'dated' a girl I never met. I look back on it and acknowledge it was very stupid, but I appreciate it, because it set up a change.

I had horrible jealousy issues stemming from my own insecurities and being emotionally invested in someone I never fluid bonded with who lived many miles away. These issues led to my being an enormous asshole, and she rightly dumped my ass. If you ever read this, Stacey, sorry; unhappy and angry adolescents are enormous cockbags.

I was devastated. My one relationship ended in flames. I was doomed. I was fat, alone, dumped. Even when everything was in my favor -- online -- I fucked it up. I spent months moping, feeling sorry for myself. I hated my life. I've never had the balls to commit suicide, but I pondered it a lot, what it'd be like. I didn't like living. I didn't like having no one to really talk to, no support network. I didn't like feeling like the only person who cared if I was around was me, because I felt like my own opinions were worthless.

Then, it changed. One day, I was just... tired of it. I was sick of being miserable. I felt awful, but I decided to do something, anything. I hit Myspace and did a search for people around me. I found the first profile with A) a cute picture and B) contact details.

I met that girl a week later and we spent two and a half years together. I dumped her when I stopped feeling anything for her, but we've remained on good terms. That was nearly 4 years ago, at 18; I'm 21 now. I was single for most of the intervening years. At first I was OK with it, but then I felt crushingly alone. I realized I didn't make any progress at all. I lucked into a relationship with a moment of desperation, flailed around blindly in it, then ended it without truly improving myself. I despaired and came very close to moping again.

Instead, I found /r/Seduction. I've always been interested in people and how they work; sociology and psychology were my majors in the brief time I've attended college, I've always liked playing social characters in games. I love people, always have. Everything about them fascinates me. Maybe it's because I always felt isolated growing up, being that fat kid on the sidelines; people are my hobby because I spent years watching them and wanting to be with them.

Whatever though, that's armchair psychology and irrelevant. I found /r/Seduction and the PUA community in general, and I loved it. It was exactly what I wanted: tested methods of interacting with people, step-by-step guides, mindset changes, etc., etc. Now, I'm by no means a master; I've only been reading this stuff for a few months. But it works. It seriously works.