Does abundance mentality cause cognitive dissonance?

JamKieferson · 2012-07-27T09:51:00+00:00

Think of "abundance of women" as "abundance of opportunities". There's an abundance of opportunities to have fun with another person and find out if they're awesome enough to earn your time and affection.

Even if the girl isn't the interesting, fun, available, smart sexy woman you're looking for, you're still going to have a good time by going on a fun date with her and getting to know her. And even though it didn't work out, there's still an abundance of other women to experience.

Sure there's not an infinite number of great women out there (not even enough for every guy out there), but there are a lot of women out there. More women than you could possibly hope to get to know and find out if they're really what you want. Hence the abundance mentality. You are the prize to be won. Women want to be your girlfriend. There will always be more women who want to "try out" so to speak.

Even if a great girl turns you down, you enjoy holding the tryouts, so you still didn't fail because you had fun (and hopefully learned something).

themoor · 2012-07-27T10:51:02+00:00

Only if you think about it wrong does the abundance mentality cause cognitive dissonance. Let me explain (using my own experience).

As we age, the number of women that are available in our age group declines (long-term relations, marriage, etc.). So, what you get is a pyramid. The height of the pyramid is age and the width is the number of available women. The higher you go, the fewer there are (though it does expand once you get up into the senior citizen range, which is not a topic of this discussion).

Now, the pyramid works different for men than it does for women. Men age better. They retain their looks longer. There's more women who'll date an older man than there are men who'll date older women. Younger women are more attractive.

So, if you are in, say, your 40s (like myself), if you look horizontally across the pyramid, you'll see scarcity. Available women become fewer and hot, attractive available women even fewer than that.

But look for your position downward you'll find the number of available women you'd like to date grows. Of course, the further down you go the less likely a high percentage will want to date you (e.g., how many 20 year olds want to date a 40 year old guy?). Still, the model holds.

So, once you realize the expanse of women available to you, the apparent scarcity turns into abundance.

SambalMinion · 2012-07-27T11:56:16+00:00

It is not about the factual abundance, it is merely a means of steeling yourself against rejection. It is self-elected self-deception. We do this all the time.

Depressive realism* is the notion that a severely depressed person appraises his or her self as a whole; more realistically than a non-depressed person in an identical situation would. They may have a very rational view of their person and feel that they have little to offer to the world.

Self-esteem is key to confidence. In order to regard ourselves positively we cherry-pick a few positive aspects of our self and value these highly, while we devalue everything we are mediocre or bad at. This is essentially a means to minimize cognitive dissonance. You suck at math, but couldn't give a damn. Why? Because you tell yourself Math doesn't matter to you and that you therefor should not have to worry about it.

The same happens here. In order to justify our search for the right available girl(s) we have to justify a lot of rejection. If we cannot justify that risk we are less sure in our approach. Abundance mentality is a critical factor in outcome independence.

The reduction of cognitive dissonance through self-deception is a healthy coping mechanism that we consciously employ to succeed at pick-up.

*I couldn't find the original read, but here's a related wiki entry.

puaCurveBall · 2012-07-27T16:57:33+00:00

Speaking as a guy with more women than he can handle, no, it doesn't.

Truthfully there isn't an abundance of interesting, fun, available, smart sexy, women at our disposal.

I completely disagree. I'm in a relatively small city and I know this isn't true.

Now, this is totally true for girls I would consider for a relationship, because sure they are rare (and thus why I value them so much), but abundance mentality is about having women in your sexual life, not necessarily ones you would consider for a relationship.

The abundance of sexual partners will help when you find the rare type of girl that you would want for a LTR.

Frisky_Flamingo · 2012-07-27T20:30:23+00:00

Abundance mentality doesn't just come from an abundance of women, my friend. An abundance of happiness is how i would define abundance mentality. When you're content with you're life the way it's going and, as a result, have outcome independence, women will flock to you; no self deception needed.

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-07-27T13:38:31+00:00

You don't have to have hundreds of girls you can pick up at a moment's notice. Even if you were alone on a deserted island with one girl, you could still maintain an abundance mentality. Abundance is a state of mind where you sincerely believe that you can be happy regardless of what some girl thinks about you. It's the strength to change that which you can, the serenity to accept that which you cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference. You can't control what a girl thinks about you, but you can control who you are. If you BE the man you want to be, and she still doesn't like you, that won't bother you, because your happiness doesn't depend on her opinion of you, it depends on your opinion of yourself.

asad16 · 2012-07-27T15:45:06+00:00

I don't think a lot of people here understand cognitive dissonance. If anything cognitive dissonance would be present regardless if you have oneitis or abundance mentality

smokintreesinatree · 2012-07-27T16:10:07+00:00

they really are everywhere, dude. go on okcupid and just browse. all those women are real average women that you see everyday and don't bother talking to. and they all fantasize about meeting a guy randomly because they've seen it 1000 times in movies. check out juggler/charisma arts and start approaching women during the day. you don't need to impress them, just convincing them that you're genuine and not creepy is usually all you need to do.

PUAdept · 2012-07-27T23:33:56+00:00

I picture a huge wealth of gold or ore buried beneath the earth. If you have the right tools and knowledge, there is an abundance. But if you don't, you can't get to it.

Title	Does abundance mentality cause cognitive dissonance?
Author	justthrowmeout
Upvotes	15
Comments	11
Date	July 27, 2012 9:23 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/x8nu3/does_abundance_mentality_cause_cognitive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-abundance-mentality-cause-cognitive.1336322 https://theredarchive.com/post/1336322

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