When it comes to dating, people are so quick to judge. Everyone has their idea of the best way to do things. Everyone is so ready to give advice. And even more so, people seem to be ready to tell you what NOT to do, which paths not to take.

Here on /r/seduction, we’ve been accused of treating women like objects, of filling our lives with emptiness, and, of course, going about things the wrong way. It would seem a chorus of society is telling you to just live your life. Do what you’re passionate about, and the women will come to you. Don’t focus on getting better with women because it will only frustrate you in the end.

As introverts, we soak up that advice. We measure every angle. We listen intently to every side of the story. We weigh and balance each word of advice like a miser dropping coins on two sides of an emotional scale. And then we take the best path we know how.

Since ending a relationship three months ago, I’ve been out pounding the streets. I’ve been dating like a maniac, both online and off. I’ve been improving my ‘game’ like never before. The last few weeks I’ve done so much that I've gotten sick with it. I sit here a little burned out. That hole inside started gnawing through again. This is what emptiness feels like.

I’m 39 years old. I just finished writing a book. For 3 years, I woke up at 5 AM and wrote for two hours. It was my passion. It was my dream. This book was not my first passion. Before that it was music. Before that, political activism. Before that it was something else. I live for that struggle. I’ve always lived for that struggle. Having a passion is great. Whether or not it makes you the next rock star of whatever field you’re in, it doesn’t matter. It feels good to devote your life to that. Now that I’m finished with my book, it’s on to the next passion, my brain tells me. That’s where I’m happy.

But I hesitate to find a new passion. The time I spent enthralled with my passion I also spent in less-than-ideal relationships with women. How do I know it was less than ideal? I’m not married.

I want to have a wife and kids. It’s a goal of mine. It’s something I openly talk about and openly admit to. As we get distracted in life with this and with that, years can pass. Whether it be a new career, a getting healthy, or a getting out of debt, I know certain things in life don’t happen unless you make up your mind for them to happen. Call me misguided. Say I’m putting my effort in the wrong place. But I think it’s okay to spend some time in my life right now looking for that person who actually means something to me. It’s okay for this to be my passion for a while.

How serious am I about this? I’ve been celibate on and off in an effort to avoid those meaningless relationships that emotionally entangle me, to wait for that one that does mean something.

When I was 14 years old, and looking for a summer job, my mother told me that I needed to become an expert at finding jobs in order to get a good job. She was right. And that holds true with dating. I decided to become an expert at dating, at finding what works for me. The plan for me now is to keep going out. Keep having a life. Use as many avenues as I have available to me. Make as many connections as possible. And keep my standards set as high as possible. Damn the torpedoes.

45 years ago, my parents met in New York City. They both love classical music. My mother went to hear my father play at a string quartet. I guess he liked her, because he invited her over to his place for dinner the next week. He’s an excellent cook. He made her an amazing dinner. And for dessert… he baked her a cake shaped like the bust of Bach. They’re still happily married 42 years later. They still kiss every morning and smile and laugh together in their old age.

That’s what I want. A relationship as happy and inspiring as my parents. The woman I want is out there. I’m going to find her. And I’ll be damned if I let anyone tell me otherwise.