I'm being told I talk too much and am annoying. But that's where I'm at when I feel like I "own" a room. Any tips on fine tuning your energy level?

6PoolPwnage · 2012-10-13T23:49:56+00:00

Depends how you add into conversation. Quality over quality. If you're just spewing out random statements, comments, and questions then it gets annoying, FAST. Sometimes me and my friends can have one really solid conversation, and thread into another one. Don't always gotta be talking..

Napoleon_Blownaparte · 2012-10-14T04:29:36+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Tomuchan · 2012-10-14T14:54:45+00:00

It's really hard to tell based on the minimal information you've given us.

However, judging from what you've written I can point out a few of my concerns.

First off, your objective should not be 'owning' the room. I'm not quite sure what you mean by this but this is not the African savannah. You don't need to be 'the Alpha male' and you don't need to be asserting your presence or dominance in this context. Try to change your mindset from 'owning a room' to 'have a good time with friends'.

Secondly, talking a lot doesn't really help. If it's gotten to a point where people will tell you this to your face, it means this is a serious problem. The cure to too much talking is to listen. It's crucial that you listen well; people appreciate a good listener more than a bad talker. In terms of social power-play it's in your advantage to be the person who asks questions and lets people do the talking. Given the context of what you've said I think the problem is that you're trying to out-compete everyone by talking a lot of crap. The only thing this achieves is making you out to be an annoying attention whore.

I have a couple friends who have serious ADHD. In many cases they just don't know when to stop; they miss the social cues. I find that they're always the first to open their mouth when they want to correct someone or they may argue endlessly. The point is; take it easy. If someone makes a mistake, just let it slide. You don't need to be a dick and point it out immediately. If it really means so much to you, talk to them afterwards about it. If an argument or debate starts, ask yourself if it's really worth it to get involved. No body wants to listen to people seriously debating about politics, ethics, religion etc when all they want to do is drink a couple beers and chill out.

To sum up;

Change your mindset from 'owning a room' to 'have fun'.
Talk with people, don't talk at them. Listen to them; people love talking about themselves.
Think before you talk. Ask yourself "is this relevant? are the people here interested in this topic? does it need to be said now? how can I be the bigger man?"

Hope this helps a little.

sureilikedags · 2012-10-15T04:45:05+00:00

I'm a talker. I can own a room, and I can speak in front of groups of people. (I think 2,000 is the biggest group I've done. Not trying to brag to you. Just giving a little background for the advice I'm gonna give.)

That said, I can also talk too much. I don't think I've ever specifically been called out on it, but you can usually just tell by body language if nothing else.

Something I've focused on lately has been enjoying the moment. Appreciate where you are and who you're with. Really interact with where you are mentally. People can tell when you're living in and enjoying the moment with them. It's not just a PUA thing.

Don't feel like you always have to try to be the middle of attention. Everyone's there to have fun and be social; not just you. If you give value and help other people have a good time, you'll have a better time yourself and EASILY earn the respect of others.

SJKLogic · 2012-10-14T14:19:25+00:00

See the "48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene, Law #4, Always Say Less Than Necessary.

I also trend toward over-talking, and keeping this law in the back of my mind helps compensate. You want people to be eager to hear what you have to say, not be eager for you to finish saying it so that it's their turn to talk.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2012-10-15T01:17:31+00:00

I can give you an example based on my roommate of what NOT to do:

My mate is a really nice guy. He's witty and kind and conversational and has money and manners, but he's always trying too hard in conversation. I'll set us up on a double and instead of enjoying himself and playing off the energy of the group he seems to always try to force his anecdotes, his jokes, and his interests into the conversation, rather than going with the flow and letting the current situation be the focus. If it isn't a side effect of him being nervous it's certainly coming off that way...if not just insecurity and a need for attention.

He basically just talks too much. It's dorky. It shows that there is nothing on his mind other impressing people. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying my night, building off what's happening at the dinner table, and giving my date time and space to wonder what I'm thinking (and, of course, enjoy herself and add her personality into the mix). Matter of fact, it's also clear that my mate's thinking on a "me, right now, me, right now" kind of level when he wings because he never picks up on who I'm working in the room.

Maybe people won't agree with me, but I think there's a huge advantage to being a part of what's happening rather than being what's happening.

hexag1 · 2012-10-15T03:49:58+00:00

I met Quentin Tarantino once. That guy does not shut up.

Title	I'm being told I talk too much and am annoying. But that's where I'm at when I feel like I "own" a room. Any tips on fine tuning your energy level?
Author	Napoleon_Blownaparte
Upvotes	13
Comments	13
Date	October 13, 2012 9:41 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/11fjvx/im_being_told_i_talk_too_much_and_am_annoying_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-being-told-i-talk-too-much-and-am-annoying-but.1341070 https://theredarchive.com/post/1341070

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