How do you stay out of your head during conversation?

uberafc · 2012-11-16T07:02:09+00:00

You have to understand what is happening first.

That voice in your head is more than likely your EGO talking. It's useful most of the time. In pick-up it becomes a swift kick in the nuts.

Why?

The ego acts according to the reality principle; i.e. it seeks to please the id’s drive in realistic ways that will benefit in the long term rather than bring grief. Your brain is essentially fucking you out of what you earned because it didn't think you had it in you (based on past experiences). It's a common problem when guys just start getting good with girls; their brains literally can't believe they could pull that HB9.

Here's the interesting part. The Ego, in so many words, comes from all of our previous experiences. Since you may have failed in landing a very attractive woman, your brain is now on the defensive so you don't get hurt. Better to put yourself out of your misery instead of her blowing you out of the water.

So, that voice might be your EGO trying to protect you from emotional harm. Now, how do you beat it?

Sadly, there is no quick fix. It takes effort and a lot of introspection but there is a process.

First thing is you have to understand why your EGO is reacting that way. Why can't I have sex with this gorgeous blonde that is CLEARLY enjoying my company? There isn't a reason but your EGO will come up with one. That's it's job. You'll have to dig deep and possibly uncover some of your own demons. This is the hardest part because everyone is different. Personally, I feared hooking up with women because I had hang-ups about my body. It wasn't until I started bedding some VERY attractive women that the hang-up gradually faded. I had to overcome my own issues and accept myself. Once I did that, the ladies started to take interest.

Second, you have to mentally push the ego aside. That takes focus. That means that you have to develop the mental fortitude to be able to quiet your inner-voice whenever it rises up. That takes practice. A lot of practice. Start with regular, everyday small stuff and work your way up. Trust me, mental focus takes practice but eventually it will become automatic. For instance, I hate doing dishes. HATE IT. At one point, it was so bad that I'd leave dishes in the sink for weeks; mold and all. I needed a change so I started small. I'd do a few dishes each night instead of ALL of them in one go. Then I got into the habit of washing dishes every day. Then I started getting sick of just doing a handful and started doing the whole thing. Now there isn't a night that goes by that the sink isn't free of dishes. I still hate doing the dishes, I just do them regardless of what my EGO wants (for me to sit on my ass and not do the dishes, because it's boring and I hated it ever since I was a kid).

Third, you have to prove your EGO WRONG. Can't stress that enough. It's not just a matter of "staying out of your head" you have to give it a reason to not even bother trying in the first place. This means going out on a limb and escalating quicker, being more forward, more sensual, more cheeky, etc. Never stop this. There is no "game change". The only way to get women is to be in the present, be aggressive, and most importantly have fun. In so many words, take risks and don't give up. Once you start to succeed, the EGO has less information to use against you. It's kind of hard to think that you'll blow it with this brunette if you had sex with three girls that were just as attractive last week. Especially if you totally pulled something out of your ass and it worked very well.

Eventually, your EGO will back off and let your ID (That's the real you) do it's thing...That's why even beginning PUAs can hardly believe that their tactics worked! Everything was like on autopilot! That's because the ID isn't a conscious voice. It's not actively talking to you in your head...The best state of mind to be in during pick-up, conversation, or whatever, is one that is natural. That's what people talk about when they speak of "presence". It's why a guy can come up with a smooth line on the spot and be like "Where did THAT come from? I need to write that down!"

No routine, method, or style can ever trump a man's natural ID because it's as genuine as he can be in public, period. This is what people mean when they say just be yourself! Let your ID take over and put your EGO to bed for a while.

hegetsthegirl · 2012-11-16T04:50:09+00:00

In my experience I contact forces you to stay present. Focusing on your fun first also works. A body of mine embraces the enter monologue and just keeps repeating to himself "I'm going to fuck you"

PUAollie · 2012-11-16T06:43:54+00:00

Can I suggest meditation? I began doing it recently, and it's really taught me a lot about being in tune and present to just one idea. This will help greatly in-field. It allows you to not get caught up in the what-if's of the interaction, and just focus on putting actions into motion. Tyler Durden of Real Social Dynamics is a very large advocate of daily meditation for this reason.

Not to mention that meditation relieves stress, which is a HUGE factor in maintaining a good frame.

2012-11-16T10:31:18+00:00

try to treat women like people you're actually interested in as people

if all you're doing is talking to women because they're hot and you're so pre-occupied with having game that you don't bother to care about who they are, you need to fix your priorities or you are going to keep having problems If you consistently have more interest in what's going on in your own head than what is going on in the conversation, you need to remember that you're just a dude and she's just a girl. there's 3.5 billion others of both of you.

Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. Don't put expectations on yourself or on her to do, say, or be anything more than whatever it already is at that moment. Obviously you're working toward a goal, but if you just expect that because a conversation is going well, you're "in," you're leaning toward the desperate side. Desperation stinks.

sexypirates · 2012-11-16T19:58:06+00:00

The fact that you feel like you've "failed" means that you've become dependent on the outcome of the situation. Don't go into the interaction expecting a # or K-close. Most newbs make the mistake of telegraphing their intentions (getting her #, interested only in getting in her pants). Expect only that she'll leave happier than if you hadn't spoken to her at all. It'd be wise to come off as someone "normal" (read: not creepy) and "insert positive adjective here" (cool, funny, smart, etc., personality dependent).

If there is a "voice" in your head saying something, and you can hear what it's saying, that means you're not actually listening to what the girl is saying. Don't go on autopilot and listen to what she's actually saying. Hearing yourself tell yourself "oh no!" means you missed hearing something she said that you could have used to reply with something funny, interesting, or relevant.
Have fun with it. Someone who can use misinterpretation, role play, and humor at all the right times is rare. Don't overdo it or you'll just be a clown.

Eventually you won't even hear that voice anymore, and be infinitely more interesting. Not sure if this advice was too high level for you, hoped it helped.

puaCurveBall · 2012-11-16T16:40:29+00:00

Try meditation.

2012-11-19T23:19:11+00:00

I cannot really explain it, but I just do not think that much when I'm into it. Not saying I'm not saying the right things or being intelligent.

It's like trying to read or do math without vocalizing it in your head.

Title	How do you stay out of your head during conversation?
Author	ManiacApple
Upvotes	10
Comments	13
Date	November 16, 2012 2:38 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/139zf5/how_do_you_stay_out_of_your_head_during/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-stay-out-of-your-head-during.1342893 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342893

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