Her vs. Your Idea of Her

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-01-12T23:10:45+00:00

Well that's not quite what satori is about. It's a moment of self-realization, which in itself is merely the highest of the "lower worlds" that still leads you into hell. But then, my buddhist sect has lots of criticisms of zen. What you encountered is not satori, but it is a moment of insight into what you are: a goddam idiot. That realization alone won't lead you to enlightenment.

But to get back on the topic of seduction, if your date ended with a hug, then you screwed up hours earlier. It's your responsibility as a man to lead the seduction in the right direction. You lead it right down a dead end.

Sure you built up an image of the woman, which inhibited you. But also consider, a woman like this, is probably well aware she is intimidating, and rarely even gets to a second date with a guy. You are not in such a bad position, unless you make the only fatal, unrecoverable error: give up. Try again. Except this time, do it like a PUA would. Let me give you some specific suggestions.

First off, read this document called The Triad. It's a new model I'm studying lately. Where you screwed up here is partly Logistical Escalation, and partly the usual PUA physical and emotional escalation.

Then arrange another date. But this time, make sure your date has a potential ending that doesn't involve a point that the two of you "have to part ways." Make an effort to get the logistics set in your favor, you're never going to close the deal if you can't get her alone.

But you're never going to get her alone if you can't get closer to her emotionally. You know what to do here. Do it. But remember, she's only going to make herself available to you for so long, before she decides you can't make a move. She will forgive you for being too aggressive, but she won't forgive you for never making a move. You already sense this. So she's probably expecting you to make that big awkward move. So who gives a fuck? Do it. You could make it easier, and build up to it in smaller steps. But just fucking do it.

Gr8WhiteGrammarNazi · 2013-01-13T08:14:38+00:00

Well written, but you come off as a bit shallow to be honest.

VMikeL · 2013-01-12T22:00:06+00:00

While reading this, all I could think is; "Are you an aspiring writer?"

cshslypc · 2013-01-14T01:29:59+00:00

So there's some good stuff and then some misleading stuff here. Sorry to here your date didn't end as you'd wished. Don't go beating yourself up about it either though. Where you went wrong, is putting her up on a pedestal so soon, which resulted in a choke. Understand, I'm sure she's a great girl, and with a resume like that I'm pretty sure she knows it, but I'm sure she's aware that it's pretty intimidating too. She's worried with trying to tell you about herself without scaring you off.

Don't go thinking you're not good enough, obviously she's interested given that she's out with you. Keep that in mind. You were her choice tonight, she made the conscious decision to go out with you, so you're already ahead.

Now as for that walk afterwards, you have to know that all that was going through your head, was going on a thousand different ways in hers. She's analyzing the whole date in her head and hoping to God that it went well, for you, and if it will end the same way. But one thing you have to do, is be confident. A girl likes a guy who respects her successes, but also respects himself enough to know that he is well worth her time. So be confident in yourself and just go for it.

Think about it, if you choke every time you meet a someone that matches the description of your ideal girl, you're going to be going on a lot of first dates, or settling. You'll never know if you could've hit it out of the park if you never bothered to step up to the plate. That being said, not every first date has to end with a kiss. I'm sure if you had at least initiated the hug, it'd still be kind of a sour ending, but definitely worth another shot. You make that move when it's right, not because custom says it's your obligation.

In the end, it all boils down to whether or not you call her back afterwards that determines whether you get yourself another shot at bat to bring it on home. Best of luck to you.

r0k0v · 2013-01-13T03:50:39+00:00

I like your idea about pre-concieved notions of people, I was actually thinking about this last night. The qualities we actually want in people are much deeper than a simple checklist and you cant approach that logically. Its not a checklist or a set of criteria. Granted there are somethings about people that absolutely are obvious and either make or break the deal.

But the bottom line is, attraction is a feeling, to be felt, in my mind its only destructive to think about it logically.

yegoblitz · 2013-01-13T07:46:14+00:00

Good food for thought man. Thanks.

kungfutitties · 2013-01-13T01:38:17+00:00

Shouldnt be waiting to kiss until the end of the date anyway. End of the first hour at the latest.

cma6250 · 2013-01-13T17:36:32+00:00

But I didn't realize that until it was too late.

I disagree, I believe you realized right on time. Satori, or as I understand them, epiphani's can occur in the moment, or even years after the fact, but they occur when they're supposed to. Point is, don't beat yourself up about it, just wasting energy, learn to enjoy the moment.

Fujionacone · 2013-01-13T19:51:22+00:00

No regrets

2013-01-14T01:51:34+00:00

she shits

that really sunk in for me

foomfoomfoom · 2013-01-13T01:16:41+00:00

Say more about who you think she really is.

leveledupPUA · 2013-01-13T14:40:56+00:00

Had the same thing happen to me too. Super awesome girl, everything was cool. Just couldn't kiss her, simply because I couldn't get over the fact how awesomely wicked she was (smart too, fucking engineer). It's fine though, after that date, came to the same conclusion your did.

The main issue I think with you is kissing girls (as with me). So I think working on inner game is the way to go; so you don't have the same mindset when you're on another date with a really awesome girl. Instead it should be, "Dating is super fun, I wonder if you're good enough for me. I suppose you'll know, when I kiss you tonight ;)"

sambojangles · 2013-01-14T05:54:30+00:00

The opening quote, that's from Gatsby, right?

technohubz · 2013-01-14T10:26:31+00:00

I feel your pain!

GreyWolf107 · 2013-01-13T06:54:48+00:00

Woah, powerful indeed.

Title	Her vs. Your Idea of Her
Author	J_pold
Upvotes	123
Comments	23
Date	January 12, 2013 9:23 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/16ge70/her_vs_your_idea_of_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/her-vs-your-idea-of-her.1345697 https://theredarchive.com/post/1345697

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