I can't approach for the life of me..tips/suggestions please!

night · 2013-06-26T03:52:08+00:00

As a fellow introvert, I have to say there's no easy shortcut here. You just have to do it over and over again until it feels natural. Look into progressive desensitization and CBT techniques. Start by just practicing making eye contact and holding it. Once you can do that, smile at the girl. Once you can do that comfortably, practice walking towards her. Don't worry about opening, just make eye contact, smile, and walk towards her. Once you can do that, practice simple, non sexual openers like asking what time it is or when the next bus is coming. And so on, one step at a time.

rmbarnes · 2013-06-26T21:29:15+00:00

I ~~can't~~ won't approach for the life of me

FTFY

SDM19 · 2013-06-26T06:53:11+00:00

I would say stop thinking of it as "gaming" or "approaching". Just think of it as "living". Do things you enjoy. Go places you want to go. See things you want to see. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If you spend a lot of time out of the house in busy environments, you're bound to meet a lot of new people in the process. And the good news?! Well... half the people in this world are women.

SirByron · 2013-06-26T16:48:22+00:00

Focus on Taking Action, Not Learning Theory. There's very little to "learn" about approaching women. You've been walking your whole life. You've been talking your whole life. So there's nothing preventing you from walking up to a woman you don't know and talking to her... except yourself. The little theory that we do cover in the program revolves around recognizing your own anxieties and how you respond to them, and then changing those responses.

Fear is conquered through action, therefore the entire program is made up of exercises and missions designed to get you to take action consistently. Learning hundreds of pages of lines, openers, stories, techniques, and other nonsense will only promote further inaction, and will actually increase your anxiety around women, as it causes you to raise your expectations around them.

Progressive Desensitization. Using the principles of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), the Approach Women Program gradually desensitizes you to what causes your anxiety to the point where by the end of the program you will feel confident and competent walking up to any woman in any situation and speaking to her. And not only that, but you'll be excited to do it.

The way it works is by gradually exposing you to small chunks of your fear, and then repeatedly giving you positive reference experiences in the face of that fear. This causes you to gain confidence and also builds strong social habits which can last you a lifetime.

Accountability and Feedback. The hardest part about conquering any fear is keeping oneself accountable. Making yourself accountable to a small, safe group of similar-minded men increases your likelihood of success massively.

From the Approach Women Program

coolfahad76 · 2013-06-26T19:15:38+00:00

You literally just have to say 'fuck it, i don't care what my logical brain is thinking and just approach'. Once you actually do it and get used to it a couple of times, it's really no big deal. You can even go super direct and get really good outcome. Just do it for yourself and be happy and in the moment! Everything else will come with practice!

MartMillz · 2013-06-26T09:24:12+00:00

Be outcome independent. Stop caring.

As a heavy introvert, the best decision of my life was the day I decided "If any situation is going to be awkward, it's going to be awkward on my terms. And I don't think any situation is awkward."

itsmevichet · 2013-06-26T18:11:45+00:00

Stop putting your goals before the actual approach.

Hear me out.

You're looking at a girl and thinking "man, she's hot, I wanna go talk to her."

If that's where you stopped your brain, you'd have already walked up.

That's not what happens, though. What happens to you is that you're thinking "what if she doesn't like me, what if this or that goes wrong, what if this is all a big mistake, what if...?"

You turned walking up to a person and introducing yourself - something you've probably done thousands of times before - into something completely impossible.

We've put men on the moon, dude. You can go talk to a girl.

If you're putting yourself in high pressure day game situations, scale it back a bit. Meet people through activities. Then when you're comfortable with that, move it to the streets.

Gelnn · 2013-06-26T18:23:33+00:00

Start smaller like just talking to people you run across in everyday life, store clerks & what not but keep up your persistence and progress. Push the comfort zone just a little more each time.

DrLifeChanger · 2013-06-26T22:02:43+00:00

Alright so I am in the same boat as you. I have done two approaches this week because I decided that I need to take control of my life and seek what I want. I started with the technique of just keeping eye contact longer with EVERYONE guys and girls. I turned it into a game of who would look away first. Basically this helps you slowly build your confidence with looking into someones eyes which I believe to be very important when talking to girls. My first approach actually went really well. I opened with "You are extremely pretty and I would be shooting myself in the foot if I didn't introduce myself." As soon as I said this my heart started RACING like crazy. I managed to get her FB so it wasn't all that bad. The thing you need to know is that the approach is the HARDEST part. What I do is I tell myself "Ok, go approach now and NO turning back or else your a dickless pussy". Good Luck!

multilingualgamer · 2013-06-27T01:03:55+00:00

Going to the mall to practice day game for the first time is throwing yourself in at the deep end. If you can bring yourself to do it you'll probably reap the most benefit in terms of experience, but you really have to be on top of your game and ready to go for it.

If you want an easier way to go get experience, I suggest finding daytime situations where it is more 'normal' to go up and talk to strangers. Classes of any kind (cooking, dance, art etc), sports, talks, heck even waiting rooms are all much easier places to start conversations with women. Take a friend or go solo, doesn't really matter, you're there to gain experience and have fun.

Travis_The_Cow · 2013-06-27T01:04:30+00:00

You can't think of yourself as an introvert, you must know that you are a confident social man.

readonlyuser · 2013-07-04T16:56:47+00:00

What helped me was not masturbating so much and putting forth a challenge with a cash penalty if I fail. I ended up talking to a hundred girls to avoid losing a hundred dollars. Also, go out with a wing who will push you.

Title	I can't approach for the life of me..tips/suggestions please!
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	16
Date	June 26, 2013 3:20 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1h31y2/i_cant_approach_for_the_life_of_metipssuggestions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-cant-approach-for-the-life-of-metipssuggestions.1354518 https://theredarchive.com/post/1354518

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