Texting after first date troubles / failures.

smoochie100 · 2015-01-30T07:48:55+00:00

if she is not interested, the best text message game in the world can't save you.

In my opinion, you did nothing wrong. If you text about the evening ("I really had a great time"), then do it at the same night, following with something like "sleep well!". Between dates, I would signal that I think of her by 1-2 text and then ask again for a new date 2 days before you wanna date. In the end, if she is interested and you don't act like a psych, e.g. sending 20 texts a day, you can do nothing wrong. if she is not interested, the best texts won't change that.

joshsway · 2015-01-30T17:28:16+00:00

Don't text right after a date, that's needy. You should only consider this if you had sex with the girl. Most likely, she just wasn't interested: making out doesn't necessarily mean interest. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.

2015-01-31T02:05:07+00:00

Then a few days later I send a text about a second date and I've gotten the "You're a nice guy I had a nice time etc. etc. but not interested."

Cool. Be thankful for her honesty and openness and move on. She told you she's not interested - no need to waste any more time.

What is the best way to handle texting between dates? Should I text the next day or wait longer than I have been? Also, should I make any banter at all on texts or just set up a date and go silent? I've searched /r/seduction and didn't really find a good matching post.

Don't handle it at all. What's there to handle? You must get out of the mindset of someone who needs to somehow "work" to keep things going. If you FEEL like texting her then do so, if not, then don't. I don't text at all.

Don't even think about it, and treat it as if she was your buddy. If you feel like texting, you do so, if you don't - then you don't.

Is there something else I might be messing up on somehow during the date? The fact that it's flowing naturally, goes on a long time, and end up with us kissing throughout the date seems like a second date shouldn't be an issue. But, I'm new and really dumb about this.

Well who knows. By your description, I'd say it's typical newbie mistakes, thinking that the date is going well because the two of you chat, and because it goes on for a long time.

Kiss at the end of the date also says this - newb. But it's fine, we've all been there. It's like a level 1, and then you get better at better at game. So congrats for playing in the first place.

Some simplified newbie pointers:

You should be trying to get physical from the start. Touching and gradually testing how much she's comfortable with. The moment you meet you should be kissing her on the cheek, maybe a hug...sense how comfortable is she with that, and then work from there...set that frame from the start...don't be the boring guy who talks all night and then tries to "go for the kiss"....
It's not about the date length, and it's even less about talking. It's all about attraction. So if you're chatting about whatever that does not mean the date is going well. You want to focus on enjoyable and fun topics which spark her imagination, and which work towards the two of you getting together... Follow how she FEELS, and spark her feelings with your talk.....also if she asks questions about you, it's a sign of interest...
Good luck and have fun

SupALupRT · 2015-01-30T14:32:23+00:00

You have to realize most girls are seeing multiple guys with all the dating apps, tinder its SO EASY for them. She probably was seeing someone else too, its not a big deal, don't hate the player, hate the game.

Chrono803 · 2015-01-30T19:22:59+00:00

At least they say they aren't interested so you don't have to spend any more time with it. Most of the time I get no reply at all.

Dalianz · 2015-01-30T11:04:14+00:00

Good job on creating attraction and making out on the first date - that's a huge sticking point for most guys.

J_Ferrara07 is right on the fact that you already said "goodnight, I had a great time" in person, so you shouldn't text it as well the same evening - it can come off as needy. Radio silence would be best for that evening, as this will keep her wondering where she has you.

Instead follow up the next day. My trick is; During the date probe for a popular topic the girl isn't aware about. I.e. you casually mention Dan Bilzerian in some context and she has no idea who it is. You enthusiastically but shortly explain about the topic (this case Dan) and then leave it. The next day after the date you find some interesting/funny information/picture and use that as a conversation starter, perhaps in a funny-cocky way if that's your style. The effect here is, that you transition from the date to a conversation the next day - This sparks the memory of the date (and makeout) and the feelings she had about you. From there you can transition to asking her out casually without making it seem like a big deal. For a higher success rate I'd recommend to causally figure out what she is up to in the upcoming days before asking her out (either during the first date or in a casual text message convo afterwards)

J_Ferrara07 · 2015-01-30T07:42:05+00:00

The only way to know if you do something wrong is if you go into very intimate detail or if someone is observing you.

The only thing I could possibly think of is that you should have gone past making out, taken her home and gone for the lay.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to assume if you are making out with her on a first date you can easily get more out of it. This in itself might be your mistake, you failed to read the cues and didn't explore your full options with the woman

As for texting, I'd personally not even say anything afterwards. That is what "goodnight, I had a great time" is for, when you're actually in person.

wifestealer19 · 2015-01-31T02:13:25+00:00

Making out with you may not mean a big thing for her. I think it was just a hook up. And thats all. You shouldnt be pushing it too hard.

Believe me, i made out with a couple of girls that just appear uninterested on taking it further after the first date. Yea, girls sometimes just want to have fun too and not taking things too serious.

Just move on until you find a girl that is really interested in you. And of course, a girl that you find interesting too :P

2015-01-31T23:25:02+00:00

I have that same problem where I meet a girl on tinder or okcupid, made out with her and then she was just not interested in me. I'm not looking to seriously date anyone at the moment anyway so I don't get upset but I do get confused. I even slept with a girl and never heard from her again haha.

There's really not much you can do. If you're getting makeouts, you're doing something right, even if the girl doesn't want a second date. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll find a girl interested in a second date.

Throwaway_d · 2015-02-01T02:06:33+00:00

My gut feeling is that you are a bit of a 'nice guy'. I say this because of the text you sent, and her response. Being nice, caring, etc in the early stages of dating does nothing for you - it's a turn-off. That is why you sent the text you did, and that is why she isn't into you.

If you have the attitude that you have to win this girl over by being nice, sensitive etc, it will poison your whole game. So you have to unlearn this mindset.

So my advice:

1) Don't text straight after a date, unless you sense that she is super into you

2) Read 'No more Mr. Nice Guy' by Robert Glover

stylelife1234 · 2015-01-30T14:32:57+00:00

My suggestion would be to get out of "I messed up" mindset. There is a saying " You lose only when you accept defeat". There have been many girls who would give me "Not interested", "Lets just be friends" blah blah blah. All this could be a part of shit testing. Do you chicken out and behave like a wuss? were you interested in her just so you could get some? No seduction technique will help you win the dating game at this stage. It is not about "This techniques or that one?" It is about internally being a high value man who would go after anything he wants. Her: "You're a nice guy I had a nice time etc. etc. but not interested." Me: "Interested ? what are you talking about? (Shook her frame real hard.) Her:" Ummm. Dating you? I don't know" Me: "Hey hold on please! who said anything about dating? I am not that fast to get into relations with new people. Yeah we had nice time a little fun together but it takes more than just that for me to form relations" (Note:- you do not want to get too alpha here as you might end up being a beta male). And now my friend you have broken her image of you. She needs to think again and question her own "Image of you". Allow me to get all scientific. People do not reject you because of you. People reject you because of "their image of you" because of what they think you are. Make them question their own thinking and you are out of trouble. I'd try to to get a detailed article on this.

Title	Texting after first date troubles / failures.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	21
Comments	21
Date	January 30, 2015 5:49 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2u65nj/texting_after_first_date_troubles_failures/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/texting-after-first-date-troubles-failures.1383145 https://theredarchive.com/post/1383145

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