How not to approach women at the grocery store (x-post from r/cringe)

StoleYoChick · 2014-04-10T14:03:46+00:00

Found this gem on r/cringe and thought I would share with you fellas. Here is the bluepill pickup approach while grocery shopping. I think this is what women...

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Point taken. I do think being Indian/certain other ethnicities is a major drawback regarding the cold approach, though. I'm not trying to throw a pity party just being realistic. I don't let it bother me, just accept it and move on.

for example on Tinder - I mostly get matched only with Indian girls, or maybe some of the more porky asian/white girls. My white friend who might be better looking than I but not overwhelmingly so gets dozens and dozens of matches.

In real life, I don't have a problem talking to women of any race. But for "cold approaches" whether it's a grocery store or online dating, being ethnic is definitely a disadvantage.

note: you can "cold open" at bars but the women can see I'm with my friends and generally a fun person, which is why I consider it a seperate category

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I don't think it's like that. Those general stereotypes are roughly true, but you're conflating cause and effect.

For however many reasons (see Guns, Germs, and Steel for an example) Western civilization gained military strength at the right time and went about colonizing most of the world. Hence, western traditions, behaviors, and ideals/morals/aesthetics were instilled as the "Default" or "correct/right" way of things. It's not that white people are more creative and creativity is valued. It's that White people conquered the world (which ultimately, as an ethnic person, you do have to give white people props for) and therefore in white/western societies (which are almost all societies due to colonization) creativity is highly valued.

As an example - if history played out differently and China developed muskets and a strong navy first, and conquered the world, then Chinese people would be considered the most beautiful today. White people would be mocked for their tree-like height, huge bodies, and women worldwide would prefer sexy black/brown chinese eyes to blue western eyes. If Africa conquered the world, black people would be considered the best and most attractive, etc.

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Maybe I am missing something here.

If you're running day game, you don't have time to say that many words. Also, you don't "make jokes" - you have one quick comment to get her attention, then you have to immediately get to the point. Because after that, the interaction is over. People have shit to do. They're not in the grocery store to chat.

When you are doing cold calling for sales, you never want to talk to people when they are doing something, they get pissed. So if you are selling stuff to resturants/bars you know there will be slow times from 10am till lunch, and 3pm till supper. The bartender, waitress or manager is usually bored and happy to talk to you then.

So blabbing some stuff about icecream while the chick is trying to decide what type she wants to buy will piss her off. Maybe it would be better to talk her while you are waiting in line, waiting for a bus or train, since she will be bored and want something to break the monotony.

[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave 7 points8 points9 points 12 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree with you that you don't bother or interrupt people. You don't just randomly go "hey" to any woman you see. That's basically cat-calling. It's not a winning strategy.

However, there are times when you momentarily interact with someone, (for example, when you have to get past someone or wait for them or whatever). Those are times when, in polite society, we smile, make eye contact, and often exchange a pleasantry. What I characterize as "day game" is making the most of those opportunities.

For example, if you're staring at the ice cream and someone walks up behind you, they're obviously awaiting their turn to reach into the freezer, that's a situation when you might ordinarily say something like, "oh sorry, excuse me, here you go."

That's the kind of situation where you need to make an attempt to flirt. Your goal is simply to give the girl the opportunity to demonstrate that she finds you attractive. ...because they will do that - they will flirt back, or signal in some way. And this is where the portion of my post that you quoted fits - you have to be fast, fast, fast.

If she's not into you, don't bother pushing it, obviously.

Maybe it would be better to talk her while you are waiting in line

Yes, that'd be a good guideline. I've recommended exactly that in previous posts, offering this example: "I went to the bank this morning before work and got there before it opened. There were several people waiting, silently of course, and they all turned to watch me walk up. "This is where we sign up to donate a kidney, right?" Got a few chuckles."

[–]sir_wankalot_here -2 points-1 points0 points 12 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

We are actually talking two games here. The its in the bag game and the seduction game. Somehow seduction got turned into its in the bag game.

That's the kind of situation where you need to make an attempt to flirt. Your goal is simply to give the girl the opportunity to demonstrate that she finds you attractive. ...because they will do that - they will flirt back, or signal in some way. And this is where the portion of my post that you quoted fits - you have to be fast, fast, fast.

This ones pretty much in the bag.

Yes, that'd be a good guideline. I've recommended exactly that in previous posts, offering this example: "I went to the bank this morning before work and got there before it opened. There were several people waiting, silently of course, and they all turned to watch me walk up. "This is where we sign up to donate a kidney, right?" Got a few chuckles."

This one could be in the bag, or real seduction. So I go talk to a chick, first thing that goes into her head is a stupid old guy. If she is a smart woman she might actually try and knock me down with an intellectual argument. I hold frame and debate her properly. So now she is all confused/curious. Potentially you can use this as a foothold to try and go further. So lets say get her number even though she really isn't that into you.

You then continue this long term game, and see where it goes. Granted a lot of the time it goes no where, but it is like tracking something when you are hunting. That in my opinion is real seduction.

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You just take your shot and move on if she doesn't bite.

There's a difference between TRP and PUA. A lot of people who watch videos like the one linked seem to believe there's some trick involved. They think that if only they could say exactly the right words, they'd get a girl.

The TRP view, as I understand it, is that you have to be attractive before you even approach. You do what you can in terms of appearance and presence. After that, she'll either find you attractive or not, and it matters very little what you say (so long as you're not downright rude).

What would probably help people a lot more than videos purporting to show The Right Way (tm) would just be recognition that it's okay to fail. It's normal for an average guy to get shot down. Don't take it personally. Don't let it bother you.

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I linked to a post here that had a couple of examples.

I would suggest that for most of your day game, you don't "approach" - as in, you don't cross the room and say "hi" - it's more about taking advantage of opportunities when they present themselves.

Note that most of the examples I give are of me failing. That's just the way it works. If one of these women had been attracted to me, I think I could have made something happen. The point is, I didn't let the opportunity slip by.

With that understanding (to not get your hopes up too much), I'll give you an example of where everything went right and I got laid. I'm particularly fond of this story because it was the first girl I picked up after getting divorced. If she hadn't moved for her job, who knows what would have become of this.

I'd heard on the radio that they were giving away free oak tree saplings at this art fair thing downtown. So I went there, found the tent with the guy, and asked for one. "You're lucky," he said, "this is my last one." Behind me, I hear a woman's voice say, "aw" and I turn around to see her looking at the tree, obviously disappointed; obviously having hoped to get one for herself.

I stepped closer to her and held the tree up over my head and pretended to be holding her back. I said, "no! stop! It's mine! You can't have it!!" After a moment of this, she began playing along like she was really trying to steal if from me.

Once she started playing along, and we'd had a good laugh, I told her that she could have it. "I'd probably just kill it anyway" I said. She said no, that she wouldn't feel right taking it. So I said that she could buy it from me instead, by buying me lunch.

So we had lunch there at the fair, then ended up spending the rest of the day and night together.

Some of the takeaways from this story are:

You don't have to be perfect. I usually try to open with a joke, but you don't have to be Chris Rock. The point of the joke is just to break through the barrier of unfamiliarity.
If she likes you, she'll play along. Of course, it's possible she doesn't like you and is just playing along because she's cool. Either way, you have to take a shot.

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