Crazy amount of flaking in a big city? Anyone else deal with this problem?

IronManSeduction · 2016-09-05T04:51:06+00:00

Hey sedditpost,

I think 5 is a pretty small sample size. Maybe you're correct that bigger cities = bigger flakes. But I don't think one can arrive at that conclusion just yet.

I think the bigger issue to address is your concern that "someone better comes along." I feel like you think that girls will only date you as a last resort or something.

Now, I bet this is because they met a different guy before our date.

Please don't think this way. You're coming up with these scenarios because of underlying insecurities. You don't know that she met another guy. You're just projecting.

Flakes will happen. I'd wait and see first before jumping to conclusions.

ambiguous_juice · 2016-09-05T04:41:30+00:00

Were all these rejections back to back? To avoid flakes try to schedule them ASAP. A lot of people on here recommend not texting your date after you guys pick a date/time. However I've discovered if I text them a bit up until the date it helps them want to follow through. For example if your date is like 5 days away if you ignore her throughout that entire time period by the time the day rolls around she may have lost interest.

On the flip side I've texted girls for 5+ consecutive days and had them flake. I believe those were more abnormalities. Right now I'm texting a girl for a Thursday date but I just reply super late in order to leave room for us to talk during the date. This is optional but adding them to snapchat helps too. If you are active on there it shows them that you have a life and are just a normal cool dude.

Source: 8 dates and 2 flakes (one was 20 so guessing she was just intimidated)

Clyde_Frag · 2016-09-05T11:30:07+00:00

NYC here. Yes, it's true that flake rates are much higher in the city, and yes the reason is the vastness of choice.

What would a woman's situation have to be for her to have no downside to flaking? She would have to have an endless supply of men looking to meet her, and enough anonymity that she wouldn't risk getting a reputation as a flake.

This is the reality for an attractive woman on Tinder in NYC.

You need to understand that even if you're more attractive and eligible than 90% of single men, there are still 74,000 who beat you out.

Luckily, if you're looking for a woman among the 20% most attractive single women in NYC (pretty good, generally speaking), you have 146,000 choices.

It's a pure numbers game. Very rarely does anyone on /r/seddit connect on Tinder and think "This is the one!" More likely, you have a moment of passing attraction, and you keep swiping, you keep chatting. Women do the same thing.

It's entirely possible she met a guy she thought was cooler, and she ditched you for him. It's also possible that her passing attraction died after a few days and she went out with her girlfriends. Maybe she got stuck at work, and the act of flaking on you made her attraction wane.

Maybe she just wanted to stay in and eat ice cream because that top-10% attractive guy she was supposed to meet last night flaked on HER.

It sucks being flaked on, but that's the reality of dating in NYC. The bar has been set for quality of behavior, and it's low. You have some ability to influence this behavior, but not to change it. Most of what you can do is change how you respond.

I push away girls who flake, and I don't ghost anyone that I've actually met. Those are the standards I hold myself to.

Source: In 10 years of dating in NYC, I've seen this shift personally.

SpaceNerd · 2016-09-05T04:44:18+00:00

Where are you meeting? Is it somewhere that is not a huge time investment?

Traditionally I like to have "meet and greets" over coffee, tea, beer for 20-30 minutes then go from there.

Not feeling it, break things off and go separate ways. Things are going well, then move to somewhere different together, have a few places close by in mind.

StewedJesus · 2016-09-05T06:55:27+00:00

The city I live in is famous thorough my country for how flakey the girls are... I can confirm to some extent so it could be possible that some locations can lead to a higher rate of flakes. This said it could be possible that, because of the dry spell, you developed some neediness that is showing up and skyrocketing your flake rate. To be true your eagerness to blame someone better coming along leads me to believe this neediness theory more than the geographic location increased flakiness rate.

RexDane · 2016-09-05T13:11:22+00:00

Like with sales, time kills deals, make sure to shedule the dates asap. When asking say something like "what day are you free next week?" I never plan it more than 3 days in advance, that way if you don't go back to them in that time it's not offputting. I have had girls in the past cancel as a way to test me and see if I'm serious, my general policy is 1 is OK, it happens, 2 I'll make them reschedule with me and 3 is game over.

DaygameCoach · 2016-09-05T22:00:36+00:00

The fact that it was 5 women means it's you and not them. They weren't that into you or that comfortable with you. Work on getting your game solid. It doesn't have to do with NYC since it didn't happen to me when I was there. DC isn't like that either for me.

Cuisine, daygamer.net

Title	Crazy amount of flaking in a big city? Anyone else deal with this problem?
Author	sedditpost
Upvotes	19
Comments	12
Date	September 5, 2016 3:39 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/517l6k/crazy_amount_of_flaking_in_a_big_city_anyone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/crazy-amount-of-flaking-in-a-big-city-anyone-else.1411951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1411951

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