Any real advice on getting out of my head when seeing a very attractive woman?

Smitty-TBR2430 · 2024-03-13T04:24:36+00:00

The root of the problem is that you see an “attractive woman” as something other than just another living breathing eating pooping human being sharing the world with you and the other 8-billion people.

She’s another person, like you are. She was born, and she will die. She is no fucking different from you.

I presume your brain doesn’t go into this stupid anxiety attack when you encounter the rest of society. You don’t panic dealing with men. You don’t panic when you deal with ugly women; Just the pretty ones. Am I correct?

You’ve conditioned yourself into this anxiety response.

Quit focusing on “she’s beautiful” and tell yourself she’s “another customer” that sweats in the gym, pops her zits in the mirror, scratches her butt, and has smelly farts. (Worse than yours.)

CaliMan006 · 2024-03-13T03:10:04+00:00

Stop watching porn and you won’t feel as intimated by attractive women.

Lostmypants69 · 2024-03-13T03:57:12+00:00

I just lost a relationship due to this. Just think of her as a friend. Don't put her on a pedestals ever.

mkkpt · 2024-03-13T05:44:37+00:00

You need to problem solve a process for calming yourself when you're feeling under stress.

I find it helpful to pull your focus back to your senses, self-expression and enjoying the moment. Presuming you can see her in a queue, taking a second or two to enjoy a nice deep breath. Find something in your environment you really enjoy/appreciate, maybe it's a bird flying past the window, the feeling of wind on your face, the sun reflecting off a surface. Remember back to a time recently when you were feeling peaceful, joyful or thankful (I like thinking of walking along the beach, I can smell the salt, hear the waves, feel the wind sand and water, etc). When you're talking, focus on talking in a manner that you really enjoy. You're bringing out positive emotions and things that you like, that you want to convey / share and are focusing on your delivery.

It's great you're in customer service, you have many opportunity's to build your social skills. Each interaction you can practice expressing yourself and being a great listener. By prioritizing the process, she's just another person in that day that you're practicing you're social skills on.

You could also put up some barriers internally that no matter what, you'll never date a customer. In effect nullifying any of her attractiveness.

Spobobich · 2024-03-13T15:25:25+00:00

Might I suggest joining improv classes? I joined one and it teaches you to get out of your head and think fast (especially when you have to perform in front of an audience).

Plus, it helps you become funny on the fly, and women like funny guys.

Spirited_Cheetah6748 · 2024-03-13T11:01:45+00:00

Mindfulness

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-03-13T19:00:18+00:00

There is a really simple fix. express gratitude for the opportunity to engage with this girl. Gratitude and anxiety cannot coexist because they trigger precisely the same area of the brain.

Fun-Comparison-2634 · 2024-03-15T14:02:41+00:00

. It is definitely the fear of judgement and perhaps lack of confidence that creeps up on us which makes us to act that way in front of ‘attractive’ people. Just see them level to yourself.

Easier said than done but can be mastered with practice! Mind over matter.

I used to freeze up when I saw attractive men or when they interacted with me. It was just something about their aura but after working on myself, I’ve been able to just treat them like a normal human being and be more myself.

Customer service is intense sometimes so I get it. I used to work in hospitality and would always get a dry mouth from talking. It would make it stutter and look like an idiot.

IMO, just breathe , slow down and talk yourself through it.

Ado_Waaat · 2024-03-13T08:36:09+00:00

Practice meditation and mindfulness, you'll train the ability to be fully present and things like intrusive thoughts, insecurity, past experience, etc. will be much easier to handle

Lakedrip · 2024-03-13T04:01:02+00:00

Anytime I did this is cause I was thinking how badly I needed to Phuck her. So it came through I guess as nervous or pushy?

fathathead · 2024-03-13T04:09:34+00:00

I was sorta in the same boat working retail and all and attractive people my age coming in. I just don’t think about it and act normal, try not to attach yourself to the situation and keep everything superficial so you don’t clench your feelings onto these people. Works for me

Jolly-Jaguar8664 · 2024-03-13T05:58:16+00:00

radical self-acceptance: Don't fight the way you react. Realize that it's okay to react that way, nothing to be ashamed about. Being a relaxed guy means being relaxed about sometimes not being relaxed. Part of your current state probably has it's roots in the way you judge yourself. Judge less.
exposure therapy. Interact more with attractive women. This can be as simple as shopping for new cloth and getting advice from staff.

Dandys3107 · 2024-03-13T08:26:14+00:00

Realise that she is just another human being, with her own flaws and fears that she may just not show off. Don't treat her exclusively, look her confidently in the eyes, control your breath and don't talk too much, smile, see her as an equal. Instead of staying in your head, pay attention to your body.

Rebel_hooligan · 2024-03-13T14:27:39+00:00

Try to mentally reframe that feeling, since it’s adrenaline. Instead of registering it as flight (anxiety, eye contact, sweating etc), view it as “fight.”

In other words, tell yourself that you are excited. Your body is letting you know “that’s the person to talk to!”

You’re excited as you should very well be. Lean into that feeling cause it will actually help you focus. It’s a gift

Previous_Active6189 · 2024-03-13T16:22:29+00:00

If you have full blown panic like fight or flight maybe look into propanolol or beta blockers.

I use it not only to control my BP but I take a little extra when I know I have public speaking or a lot of interaction.

IMO the most effective pill alone along with not slowing you down mentally or getting up fucked up like Benzos

MrPound4Pound · 2024-03-13T17:27:20+00:00

Talk to more attractive women that make you nervous until it goes away. Ever since I started cold approaching hot women even those way out of my league, my nerves have dissappeared... well they are still there but it's so miniscule and you can't see it through my body language unlike before where I would be stuttering or just freezing up.

Not sure if you're up for cold approaching but only other way is to expose yourself to more situations where you have to interact with hot women and get used to interacting with them while at the same time learning how to control your emotions and desire to want to bang her lmao

No amount of inner talk, telling yourself she's just another human being is going to help in my opinion cause your going to even try harder to treat her like any "other" human being and it's just going to come off even more weird cause your so focused on that while denying your attraction for her.

Only way is through more exposure and practice. You want to learn how to be around an attractive women and not appear nervous or flustered? Talk to them more. Then you will learn that they are actually like any other human being.. cept you have attraction for them but you won't be as nervous anymore.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-03-13T18:57:53+00:00

I don't see women as amazingly attractive the result is that when attractive girls approach me they are nervous.

Mr_Lymphatix · 2024-03-14T05:03:47+00:00

talk to more very attractive women, you will get better at it, its like any sport or art. Its not some secret method or idea that will help you, just action.

ExcellentPlace4608 · 2024-03-13T14:52:29+00:00

Do you watch porn? If so, do your best to quit. Using porn conditions your brain to associated an attractive woman with sex to follow. That’s why your heart starts racing. Your brain sees her as more of a sex object than a person and is gearing you up to have sex.

TurbulentAardvark345 · 2024-03-13T12:35:35+00:00

Just don’t care

Title	Any real advice on getting out of my head when seeing a very attractive woman?
Author	ThrowRALFAdvice
Upvotes	47
Comments	36
Date	March 13, 2024 2:49 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bdgmry/any_real_advice_on_getting_out_of_my_head_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/any-real-advice-on-getting-out-of-my-head-when.1427138 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427138

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