I learned some shit from here, read models, and did fairly well for myself for about a year.

Then something happened where I lost a few girls I really liked, and I became a try hard.

My try hardness became off putting, and I noticed. I then became kind of afraid of socializing out of fear of being try hard or awkward. I started bottoming out in self extreme INCREDIBLY HARD (like I fucking hate myself now).

I can't have a normal conversation anymore without being concerned about what people think of me and if I was cool or attractive or not. I get anxious around people, and really beat myself up when I'm alone.

I know a shit ton of pick up theory too and all about mind sets and confidence and shit. You think that would help, but when you hate yourself this much it's just hard to actually buy into those mindsets about being the shit.

I'm starting to pursue more self improvement type stuff like lifting, dieting, consistently cleaning, and jiu jitsu. I'm going to try and volunteer because I hear that helps make a lot of people happy.

While that sounds great and all, the truth behind it is kind of fucked up. I feel like I'm only doing it so I can feel better so I can get back to getting girls and not being a social wreck.

I'd really like any help you guys could offer