I (M20) am afraid of making a move(go in for kiss) at dates

rambo2326 · 2018-07-22T10:24:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2018-07-22T15:24:57+00:00

The best way is like Bruce Lee said. Be like water. Feel the flow and do it as it feels right.

If you're doing your kino and flirting right (aka touching) then it naturally happens. Lately I have been doing this sort of mindset and sex seems to happen in a way that sometimes I don't even realize how it happened. I'm lying in bed wondering what did I do that lead me there.

It's so effortless. Before I used to overthink it, plan it, think about the best time and the best way.

It's like Neil Strauss said. You should walk from unconscious incompetence, through conscious incompetence, to conscious competence and finally reach the state of unconscious competence. Like driving, you do what it feels right without thinking about it anymore.

Sometimes less is more and thinking about it only makes it worse. Learn to let go and stop thinking. Meditation goes a long way to reach this state.

trebory6 · 2018-07-22T15:56:45+00:00

So personally, and this gets me a lot of shit from guys but a fuckton of kudos from women, I always ask before I go in for the kiss. Its been majorly successful when dating for me. The trick is to ask in a way that’s confident and respectful but not unsure and insecure.

A lot of the progressive women really like it because in today’s sensitive societal atmosphere it gives them control and doesn’t make them feel obligated in case the guy gets angry. It’s also considered respectful.

Guys think it’s not alpha or whatever the fuck, but it depends on how you ask. Yeah, I mean if you ask them because you’re unsure, you seem like a dweeb.

But if you ask them because you actually respect them and don’t want to force anything on them, then it’s good.

It also depends on the woman too, the more traditional, conservative women tend to have the whole getting swept off their feet fantasy stuck in their head, so they’re typically non-communicative, have unrealistic expectations, and expect a fuckload from you and for you to overtly prove yourself all the time. I don’t go for that kind of women, they end up boring me after a while and the pressure to be some kind of Prince Charming is tiring.

vinsomer_ · 2018-07-22T16:01:10+00:00

Dude, the secret is to stay chill and pass that image to her. If she wanted to go on a date with you, its because she knows that something else will probably happen. Whe you stay cool, she will be comfortable with you more easily, and sometimes that can even make her to do the first move and kiss you (has already happened to me).

Now, if you go out with her in your car, or hers, use it for the kissing moment, because its a private local where both of you can be more shameless and make yourselves comfortable. Normally, when i'm on a date, i go for a move when i'm leaving her home, or when i'm openning the car door for her (i found out that the ladies love when you open doors and move chairs for them!).

Hope you find something useful in that advice, mate. Just remember: stay chilled and giver her a good time.

ImJustSo · 2018-07-22T17:19:57+00:00

Making moves is like climbing a ladder. If you were suddenly at the top, you'd freak out. If you work your way up, then it's all planned and at your pace.

That's what becoming physically intimate is like. You do what's comfortable and climb at a pace that works for you and the girl. Whatever she's receptive to let's you know that you've got a stable ladder and can move on. You still only move on at your pace, that's okay. She's only going to be stable at her pace, too. You just keep going for both of you, so that you can make it to the top.

remybaby · 2018-07-22T15:44:23+00:00

If you're having a sweet, romantic moment you can quietly say something like "I really want to kiss you right now" or ask "Can I kiss you?"

Works best during a long hug or while cuddling. Good luck!

RamenGod · 2018-07-22T15:42:40+00:00

Look at her in the eyes and if she starts looking at your lips, she wants you to kiss her. Thats when you slobber all over beautiful lips

GreedyiReidy · 2018-07-22T14:53:22+00:00

Yeah that's why in my joking kind of way I'll ask, do you wanna kiss? Might help, up to you I am from the UK so maybe kind of different if you're from somewhere else

RabbitEater2 · 2018-08-08T05:31:02+00:00

Learned this the hard way. Basically, if she's in a date with you, she knows what's up. If you escalate (light touching, eye contact), the next reasonable progression is to kiss. She expects you to.

I've never regretted the times I went for the kiss and got swerved, but I severely regretted the one time I knew I should and didn't.

rambo2326 · 2018-07-22T13:09:19+00:00

Kino is like figuring out where You're at without having to try and going for the close, use it as an indicator in how far you can push it.

I spent 9 hours dating a girl yesterday (tinderdate i had matched the same morning and took out for coffee 3 hours later). She gave me plenty of IoI's that it was going fantastic so i first started

laying my arms next to hers, no biggie.

Then when it got colder I just put my hands and arms on her lap, no problem..

Then eventually i just went underneath her dress.. no problem.

She didn't ask any questions, just proceeded to talk and eventually holding my hands, arms etc.. Gave her a neck massage (one of my kino games), start smelling her neck, and give her like a very sensual kiss and she ended up taking the initiative to start making out with me.

After that, I don't think there wasn't a spot I didn't touch. It was the most passionate night I've ever had.

Also - Don't worry too much if they are slightly resistant at the beginning. I honestly think Kino is for some girls aggressive (in a good way). They might feel slightly uneasy because they don't know how to react, are shy.. Unless she tells you to stop it, proceed to the next level.

If you are absolutely uncertain wether she likes you or not, the trust test is a fantastic way to start the kino. Say something like ''I'm actually curious.. Give me your hands!''. Then you say something like ''We look eachother in the eyes, this'll take a bit, I'm gonna see how you react''. Have her place her hands on your, squeeze them a bit and then pinch it quite fast after 5-10 seconds. The test itself is bullocks, but after you finish it just tell her it was a test to see if she trusted you, if she asks why, tell her that you weren't pleased with the results and will try again later on.

-Redfish · 2018-07-22T13:32:31+00:00

New Rule for you: Always go for a kiss on the first date. ALWAYS.

One day, you will not need this rule. But right now you do. You may get shut down, but you still MUST GO FOR IT.

Some other posters mentioned kino, escalating slightly with that first, and getting to holding hands. This is good advice. I usually structure my dates so there is an opportunity for a little walk. This is usually the perfect time to hold a girl's hand. If she's comfortable with that, then usually a kiss is no big deal.

There is a catch with hand-holding. Careful doing it with people from Latin / South America. My Brazilian ex-gf found it very odd when I held her hand on the first date, as Brazilians tend to only do that when seriously dating someone.

sircomeseyesd · 2018-07-22T16:38:56+00:00

Yeah man that's why it's exciting when you do it.

LordPrettyMax · 2018-07-22T19:31:56+00:00

A really good telltale sign is to just don’t say anything and look in her eyes. Just stare into her eyes for a good 10-15 seconds and you’ll just know whether or not you’ll be able to kiss her.

2018-07-22T23:55:13+00:00

Dont think, just do. When you feel yourself overanalyzing the situation tell yourself to cut it out and go with the flow. "Lie to yourself" and say she's with me because she likes me and wants to be with me. Keep thinking that way and eventually you'll believe it yourself

TheoreticalFunk · 2018-07-23T03:17:39+00:00

If you feel like doing it, do it. Worst case scenario things get a bit awkward and you have a story to tell later.

Life and burgers should be a little messy.

Dumbengineerr · 2018-07-22T13:13:51+00:00

Just look at her lips while she is talking and ask her “I wonder how it feels to kiss those beautiful lips”. If she is into you, she will kiss you.

Dumbengineerr · 2018-07-22T16:35:30+00:00

You are a male, you have balls! Just own it. And yes, I have multiple times. If the woman turns away or doesn’t want to kiss you then you have not built enough attraction or she is just not into you. Move on to the next one in that case. There is no point in investing your time anymore. This is all under the assumption that you are decently fit, dress well and smell good. I can’t stress the importance of using an after shave if you are clean shaven.

Title	I (M20) am afraid of making a move(go in for kiss) at dates
Author	rambo2326
Upvotes	64
Comments	52
Date	July 22, 2018 10:13 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/90wtzf/i_m20_am_afraid_of_making_a_movego_in_for_kiss_at/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-m20-am-afraid-of-making-a-movego-in-for-kiss-at.1450354 https://theredarchive.com/post/1450354

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