For Newbs and Intermediate Guys.

I want to break down an expound upon a concept I got from an online pickup mentor that helped me get good at game (Todd V, back when he was with RSD); and it’s on on what you need to know and understand to actually get to where you want with the girl you’re talking to . Understanding whether or not you need to build comfort with a girl, whether you need more attraction, or if either are even necessary to begin with.

COMFORT:

Building comfort is an element of several things. Time spent with a person, your level of authenticity and congruence (thoughts, words and actions being aligned), commonalities, familiarity, masculine/feminine polarity, and you just being cool and not fucking it up, being non-judgemental. Comfort does not turn a woman on. It just opens the door to do whatever she had in mind deep down anyway. It’s an opening. 

You can very well get laid primarily off of comfort. Meaning, you didn’t say or do anything stupid, didn’t weird her out, she was already horny, maybe not necessarily turned on by you, saw a chance, and she took it with you. Attraction was already there, or not needed. You just fill in the blank. Comfort is a window and a gateway to her intent and the possibilities, fantasies of her mind. What she might be willing to do. What she definitely wants to do. What she wants to do but isn’t willing to tell you.

Women only need comfort in so far as to know that you won’t force her into anything or kill her. Her internal beliefs have a bit to do with what she thinks she isn’t willing to do or wants to do yet, but in spite of that, girls will fuck you with a guilty conscience either way.

If you want a girl to be open to fucking you, she needs to be comfortable in the ways I mentioned before. Again, comfort does not make her want to fuck you, it just allows her, gives her room to be seduced and taken. Once she’s open or neutral to the possibility of fucking you, as in, you’ve provided her a safe space to be who she naturally is on the inside, now she needs desire. 

Earlier I said, comfort doesn’t turn women in. And I say it again. It doesn’t. You don’t comfort your way into doing an activity. Food, drinking, skydiving, playing sports, hiking, looking for a job, gambling, etc. Comfort doesn’t inspire action. It’s a sort of neutral openness. You can be comfortable riding a bike (familiarity), public speaking (authenticity and congruence), spilling your heart out to someone (not being afraid to be judged), but that doesn’t mean that you want to in that moment. 

That is why we have sexual tension. Tension is what creates desire. Tension is unresolved conflict in the mind. Now? Is it about to happen? I want it but not yet. This feels/sounds good but I can’t be sure. Tension is egoic frustration. Things like teasing, push pull (physically and verbally), buyer/seller dynamics (Is what you’re offering me good enough?), silence, hard or touchy questions, etc., they all help to create tension. 

So, when a girl tells you something like, “I’m not comfortable enough to do xyz with you yet. I don’t feel ready yet. I don’t know if I can with you. I gotta see. I’ll let you know, I gotta think on it”, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s not attracted, though we’ll get to that in a minute; it could just mean that you haven’t shown her enough of the previously mentioned traits for her to feel open and sharing of what she already wants to give. If she’s given you her number, she’s ever been alone with you or is willing to, if she knows you like her, if she doesn’t mind you being close to her or touching her, etc., she’s already thought about sex with you.

And although comfort is good, you need to be able to gauge whether or not she needs to see more comfort or needs more attraction. How do we know if she’s had enough comfort? Absent a lot of outliers, in general, if you’re running good game you should know whether she’s seen the following: the full range of your personality, spent a few hours with you, your behavior is consistent and not wishy washy, you don’t judge her, you run through a variety of topics quickly (creating familiarity), you’re dynamic, your masculinity (assertive, dominant, leading, stoic, generous, resistant, grounded, on purpose, free in expression, etc.). If you’re confident she’s seen all of these from you, and she’s still there, trust me, she’s comfortable.

Other ways to know, generally: she’s willing to be alone with you, has been, or is alone with you, she gives you high amounts of compliance, she makes risky moves on your behalf, she tells you anything you want to know, she’s touching you or lets you touch her in any capacity, she shows you the real, full range of her personality, invests a lot of energy into interactions with you. If she shows you any of these, or any combination, my friend, she is comfortable enough to fuck you. Sex was already on the table. Also, if she’s showed you any of these things and still gives you the, “I’m not like that. I’m not ready. I’m not sure spiel”, it means she’s not turned on enough by you yet. 

ATTRACTION:

This will be a lot shorter. So what makes a woman to fuck you. Looks, status, masculine behavior. Traits and things that turn women on. Groundedness, assertiveness, confidence, a smooth talker, verbal wit, a quick thinker, stoicism, confidence, leadership, decisiveness, you being on your purpose, social intelligence, intense eye contact, calm deliberate movement, a relaxed resonant voice, freedom of outcome, non neediness, dominant behavior (taking initiative, leading, commanding, not waiting for things to happen and just fucking going for it, making statements, not qualifying yourself - as in explaining yourself, switching up your behavior to please her -), a soft touch, clarity of intent, pre-selection. There’s more but this is a brief list. All of these things, generally, turn women on.

And just by displaying these things she can want to fuck you. And if you’re doing all of these things, and she’s comfortable as explained earlier, she should be fucking you. But if she’s comfortable (as explained), and you’ve shown her all of these attractive traits and she’s still not fucking you, it just means she’s not turned enough yet, or, you’re an attractive man but you’re just not her type. It’s okay if she’s not down. You should be free of outcome anyway.

How do we make her want to fuck you? How do we drive her crazy? How do we test out to see if she’s just a time waster, needs, more comfort, or more attraction? The biggest rule: Make a move and see how she reacts. If she reacts positively to physical escalation, it’s only a matter of time. 

But like I said earlier, sexual tension. Cause conflict in her mind. Frustrate her ego. Make her indecisive. Put her in submissive positions. Make her feel like you’re either higher value than her, or like she’s in her natural submissive state. How? Again. Teasing does this (egoic frustration). Push pull (pleasant feel good touching and take it away. People miss good feeling things and want more on top of it). Verbal push pull (compliments and harsh words. Again and again and again. Push the limit on both. Make her love and hate you. Sex is in large about validation. Get her addicted to the feelings you provide her, the validation high on both ends). Buyer vs. Seller (Prove to me that you’re worthy. Flip the script on who needs to be chased. “I’m not just a piece of meat girl. I demand better treatment.” Mental reframing).

If you do all of these things, give and take, give and take, she’ll eventually go crazy and jump you, you jump her and she digs it, or she can’t take the temptation and dips off on you. How do we know whether she’s wasting our time or not? Is she ever gonna fuck me? Well . . . 

If you can never pin her down to commit to anything, even giving here comfort and attraction, she’s wasting your time, and she was never going to do shit with you. 

If you’re straight up honest about what you want from her and she disappears or says she’s down but never follows through, she’s wasting your time and was never gonna do shit with you. This is a big one.

If she only hangs with you on the condition that you spend money on her, do favors for her, that she can bring a friend, that is has to be in public, she has no intention of you fucking her.

If she keeps cancelling on you, won’t reschedule clearly, she has no intention of fucking you. You’re her validation - feel good guy.

If you always have to do just “one more thing” to get access to her sexually, she has no real intention of ever fucking you. 

    Summary: Comfort doesn’t take but 10 minutes to a few hours. Women love sex. They love to fuck. They decide very quickly, mostly, but can be hard seduced depending on their interest level; things like being neutral to you. If she’s comfortable and knows you like her, all you have to do is determine if she’s a time waster or just needs to be turned on more. That’s it. 

Finally, don’t waste time trying to seduce girls who are wishy washy about you and aren’t excited (unless you need the practice). Any girl who’ve I’ve had to spend days, weeks, years trying to get to fuck with me, the sex was never worth the trouble. But you know what was worth it and fucking amazing? A girl who was down from jump and already found me worthy. Love yourselves.