Men who have been to therapy: How did it go? Did it help you in any way? What did you get out of it? Any tips for guys struggling with self- esteem or confidence issues?

TagaKnight · 2015-05-05T03:57:05+00:00

I was about to start therapy before TRP. After reading up on it and applying the principles to my life, I found that I was no longer depressed and that my confidence had increased dramatically.

Have you considered waiting a little bit and hitting the gym?

iq8 · 2015-05-05T06:39:37+00:00

There is no shortcut. There is no one you can pay that will give you that boost in confidence or whatever youre looking for. You need to do it the hard way, if youre not working out go work out. If youre scared of rejection, go get rejected. If youre poor, start focusing on making money. If you have a drug problem, get that shit fixed. Whatever it is (and you know yourself better) the only solution is for you to face it and youll realise sooner or later what a dumb fuck youve been for letting it bother you.

Blokshibe · 2015-05-05T07:28:29+00:00

After I came out of an extremely BP relationship a couple of months ago, I realised about all the personal problems I had. I started seeing a psychologist. After the first appointment, I discovered TRP. On the second appointment she basically told me what I read on TRP, but less extreme. She told me to start approaching. I have approach anxiety, so that has not been working that much. After more reading TRP, I started doing other things to increase my confidence first, such as changing my posture and staring down random people (I've already been doing martial arts for years, so I don't need/want a gym). I don't know how (and if) therapy will continue, but I think that talking about my fears will help me with them.

Doctorpepperpants · 2015-05-05T12:00:12+00:00

I've been to four, after well over $1000, all I've gotten out of it was an appreciation for meditation. I remember one session this therapist charged me $150 to literally stare into my ex's eyes for 55 minutes. In my opinion, therapy is for women, men need a male role model.

[deleted] · 2015-05-05T06:11:17+00:00

I keep weighing therapy in my head. I have limited money, should I be spending it on some expensive ass therapist or should I be using it to raise my value in other ways? It's a really hard decision to make. I am going to keep chugging along without the therapist, but I may have to set some mental goals and see a therapist if I can't hit those goals.

[deleted] · 2015-05-05T12:50:23+00:00

How did it go?

I put six in an Eisenhauer dollar at five yards with my Ruger.

NiftyDolphin · 2015-05-05T14:12:16+00:00

A good therapist will call you out on your bullshit.

One problem with therapy is that it's pay to play. You run the risk that the therapist is going to see what's ailing you, but will spoon-feed you advice over time so that they can keep collecting money from you.

Any tips for guys struggling with self-esteem or confidence issues?

See /u/iq8's post.

serious_bs · 2015-05-05T14:36:45+00:00

I've been to plenty of therapists, all about 'love' and 'being able to connect', self assurance, self issues, ..

I started going there once I had diagnosed myself with OCD: obsessive thoughts. Did my story, psychiatrist confirmed. Gave me some pills (anti depressants), sent me to a physiotherapist to do some mind & body stuff, sent me to psychologist. That one sent me to a sexologist, and after that, I went to a practitioner of alternative medicine who was waving his dongle and telling me something was wrong in my head.

Anyways, they couldn't really help me so then I started seeing red pill truths, which led me to the red pill.

After that, I've seen a osteopath (sitting job, ..) to help loosen my back, who then told me she felt I was tense, originating from my excessive thinking, being highly sensitive to stimuli (I hear/see/notice alot, even while talking, doing other stuff, I think alot, ..). She told me to do some meditation and that it would help me control my mind/thinking better.

I've seen plenty of people, and as I've read above, the only thing of worth I learned is to do mediation. There's plenty of quotes about your worries, in your case, the following stayed me the most:

"You wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought about you, if you knew how seldom they did"

This basically helped me with the IDGAF attitude (and as all of us can confirm, it's good for you).

Try to control your excessive thinking (mediation), try to get more self-esteem by failing, learn to fail. You imagine situations as being worse than they would be, making you fail before you even made the move. Do. Fail (or don't!). Learn. Do again. Succeed.

Don't be afraid to fail. Be more outcome independent: this you will learn by failing and realizing it doesn't matter at all. Most feelings of worth, you inflict on yourself. So what she didn't like you? Next.

This will probably all sound 'great', motivational, but probably you'll still do nothing. Try this (read it around here somewhere):

There's 5 seagulls on a wall, and one decides to fly away. How many seagulls are there? Still 5, 'cause deciding to do something, and actually doing something, are two complete different things.

Another motivational quote:

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

Don't expect mastery right away. Start with DO. Start with fail. Look back on the experience and realize nothing bad has happened. Read, apply red pill. Learn red pill. Hold frame. Succeed.

FinnianWhitefir · 2015-05-05T16:46:09+00:00

I got a ton of improvement when I found a proper objective strong make psychologist as a therapist. He was very good at calling me out on my bullshit and making me realize that I had all these unhealthy motivations and assumptions.

I had very bad social anxiety and self-worth issues, and it was very easy to see them for the bullshit they are after having a third party sit there forcing me to look at them and review them as an adult.

For me, and it sounds like you have something similar, there was this subconscious "I'm going to say something wrong, the person will realize I'm worthless, I'm going to be alone and unloved" which is exactly what happened in my childhood.

americnleprchaun · 2015-05-05T16:55:23+00:00

Helped me a lot. Helped to reframe automatic negative thoughts, and stop judging myself and my thoughts so severely. Everyone saying therapy is for pussies etc; therapy is for people who are suffering. I went to therapy for depression and had I not gotten the help I needed I am confident I would have killed myself. I would say therapy is most useful the worse off you are. That said, it's fucking expensive so if you're not struggling to make it through your daily life, I would suggest taking up hobbies like lifting and hiking.

Fastbac · 2015-05-05T22:25:50+00:00

I went because I was all logic and no emotion. I was missing all the subliminal communication between people. Going helped me see the colors in relationships after missng 80% of the communication. Pretty necessary in relationships.

The other thing my counselor did was made sure I didn't get oneitis after I started dating after my divorce. I went on over 40 dates and I found the dating pool to be essentially infinite.

My issues weren't huge but my time there was a big help for me.

[deleted] · 2015-05-05T17:05:07+00:00

I know this is TRP heresy, but I currently see a counselor, and it has helped quite a bit.

My brother died in combat, and the event forced me reengage with my absent father and his family. My stepfather was on his deathbed a few months later, which forced me to reengage with him and his part of the family, whereupon he died. Both of these events really fucked with my head, and I started to get self-destructive.

Listen. We get two mutually exclusive messages as men. Carry your burdens in stoic silence. Unload your emotions on a female to show them who you are. Neither of these things actually work.

The best therapy is to talk through shit with another man while involved in physical activity. Just having someone say, "Wow, that's fucked up" while you guys are building a fence can work wonders. But sometimes friends don't get it. Things like death are impossible for those who haven't been through it to understand, and self-reflection doesn't always reveal the obvious fact that you are in a tailspin.

As one commenter mentions, a good counselor will call you on your bullshit. He will help you figuring out patterns of behavior, talking through why you do the things you do and to become more aware of who you are in relation to the world around you.

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, then that was me. My counselor helped me see that I was still fighting the demons of my past from twenty years ago. Swinging at phantoms, so to speak.

A counselor won't fix anything. But my experience has been that they can be very helpful in showing you what is wrong and give you solid advice on how to address it. The work itself, of course, is up to you.

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