Dates go well but girls become flaky after?

RexTheOnion · 2020-12-26T03:17:35+00:00

So the obvious answer is the dates aren't actually going well, otherwise they'd want to see you again. My guess is they are confused why you aren't fucking them after foreplay.

MistahUndaCova001 · 2020-12-25T23:13:41+00:00

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2020-12-26T09:16:56+00:00

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UnnamedBN · 2020-12-26T08:28:56+00:00

Female here.

Not sure if it's just me but this is how I see it.

If a man takes me on a date, to a bar, then back home. And fool around. That just screams player to me.

Questions to OP:

Q1. Do you actually get to know these people when you are on a date?

Q2. Do you talk about yourself during the date or just constantly flirting from start to finish?

Q3. Are the girls you are bringing on the date - looking for sex or relationship?

Q4. What are you looking for? Sex or relationship?

GotDatObamacare · 2020-12-26T02:38:05+00:00

When you say hookup you just mean like oral?

Zcuzz · 2020-12-25T23:21:18+00:00

See if the same thing happens when you actually fuck them.

ImJustSo · 2020-12-26T13:39:01+00:00

If a girl says she's not sure she wants to have sex tonight, that doesn't mean she doesn't want to have sex tonight. It means she isn't sure.

It's her way of pumping the brakes and letting you know that you're fine right where you are. Stop moving things forward and stay right with what you're doing. Personally, I pump the brakes early when I sense that they're getting to that point. I'll just be like, "I need a drink!" Or to use the rest room, whatever. Anything to chill out and give her a chance to want more.

If she stops you from putting your hand in a more intimate place, then go back to kissing or touching what you already were touching or kissing. At some point, she's going to be demanding dick, because you're not just throwing it at her.

caesarfecit · 2020-12-26T19:17:13+00:00

Here's the best way I can explain it.

When a girl is attracted to you, she wants and needs to feel some sexual intent out of you to get aroused. This is what's behind Rules 1&2 - when she's attracted, she'll respond positively when you hit on her and she'll often not be terribly picky. When she's not attracted, she'll respond the exact opposite way.

What this means is for a guy, you have to walk a bit of a tightrope.

Obviously if you come on too strong, it'll make you look desperate and make her feel slutty or threatened. Not a good time.

But if you don't come on strong enough, she'll get frustrated and start second-guessing herself and her attraction for you. Also not a good time.

I suspect what's happening to you OP is this:

You're getting these girls attracted and feeling the chemistry, that's why you're ending up back at your/their place and fooling around. But a girl's instinct is to avoid having sex fast, even and especially if she wants it. That's why guys take the lead. Women want to feel desired, and like they can sit back and let you come on to them, so they don't feel responsible.

But if you let them talk themselves out of sex or negotiate you down to oral, you won't score gentleman points, she'll be disappointed that you didn't persist and let you talk herself out of it. Then she gets buyer's remorse and flakes because the sexual tension is broken, without the payoff.

My rule for dealing with LMR is advance until resistance is met. When she tells you to stop or pushes you away, you stop right away. But if she's just saying stuff like "oh this is bad, we shouldn't do this" or "this is all happening so fast" - note it but don't react to it. She could just be playing around or negotiating with herself.

If it really is just happening too fast, or she's caught up in her head, just change the channel and do something else, let her calm down, and she'll often give you an opportunity to re-initiate. And if she shuts you down before you even get very far and gives you shit tests, she's playing games and the juice isn't worth the squeeze, so to speak.

Personally, I hate this kinda sexual brinksmanship and covert negotiation, but it comes with the territory. Girls want to be seduced by attractive men, not throw themselves on some chode who has nothing better to do. So if you're too passive or appear to be less aroused than she is, she'll take the easy way out and not thank you for it.

The trick for dealing with this kind of situation is sorting out the three possibilities:

She really is unsure/anxious and just needs some time to get her head on straight.
She's not sure how much she wants it, so you persist and show her how much you want her.
She's just playing games and wants to string you along, in which case you just cut bait.

Neil1398 · 2020-12-26T16:13:22+00:00

This was happening with the last girl I was with. The key is you gotta pull back when they say “idk if I want to have sex tonight”. Don’t completely dismiss them. Just say “that’s fine”

Pull back a little bit, switch topics and then try again in like 5-10 minutes.

You’ll know if it’s a complete “no” girl because she won’t even let you touch her.

sturmsignal · 2020-12-26T20:17:51+00:00

I had a similar experience recently.

Firstly, it is true that you should have a sense if a girl has a bad character. You should feel when she uses the date with you for free drinks, validation or distraction. If you feel that, keep this date short and save your time and nerves. It will elevate your self confidence as well.

Secondly, you say these dates were over some hours. Perhaps too long. You can do that only if you feel really great with her. Otherwise, take a first date more like to get a first impression from her and to have a good time. Over-investing in the beginning can have a bad impression on her. If she likes you, she will want a second date. You generally can't win more with longer first dates than with short ones, as said, if there is not really a great flow.

Thirdly, don't be too compliant in the date. Don't agree to all she says or wants. Have an edge.

Fourthly, it is true what had been said that texting the very next day is bad. You don't text before the second day after. Why? Women need time to process this experience. Give her some time. You also want to give her the chance to initiate contact with you too.

Fifthly, perhaps most importantly. If you're curious why they changed, just ask them. They may tell you that they actually have a boyfriend and that they want to stick to him. Get your insights directly from them. If they refuse to answer for any reason, you're meeting the wrong women anyway.

Sixthly, don't underestimate their hormones. Much changes happen here, she may just feel that she hates everybody the next day. Here again, let it rest for a week or 10 days and follow up on her. She may feel better then.

Hope it was helpful.

amazon_forest · 2020-12-26T12:58:06+00:00

Don't text them the next day..

Wait a week.

Title	Dates go well but girls become flaky after?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	47
Comments	61
Date	December 25, 2020 11:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kk7vn7/dates_go_well_but_girls_become_flaky_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dates-go-well-but-girls-become-flaky-after.1507637 https://theredarchive.com/post/1507637

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