Is there a community for women who dated a normal guy, and then their normal bf turns hxc redpill and now having to deal with leaving them and the long lasting abuse the guy put them thru cause of the toxic red pill community?

AcrobaticRhubarb2147 · 2024-03-31T21:24:29+00:00

Read “why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft. You can find the book free online by googling. Essentially, he doesn’t really love you, he loves abusing you. The red pill ideology is attractive to abusive men because they can then justify why that you deserve to be abused. It’s there twisted logic. Understand something, he gets off on being mean to you. That is his joy

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2024-03-31T20:13:29+00:00

I really can not understand why some people, already in happy relationships, would start taking redpill advice. Most people, that know of redpill, do not differentiate between redpill and incels. Did he start because of political beliefs?

Allusionator · 2024-03-31T20:37:51+00:00

From my experience in this community I can sort of recognize two types of RP man— one is a youth/young adult who tries it for a year or two tops (looking for how to get a date, basically) and drops it, the other is a lifer. Ten years? You’ll find very, very few here who were in it that long and left. You say yourself, he was only able to stop two days? There is no happy future for you with this man. You may want to look for communities that support victims of domestic abuse, idk what his line was with you but being RP while dating and how you read makes me think you faced at least significant emotional abuse. Sorry, wish we could fix it, wish we could give him a great new job on the moon so you could be done. Stop going back, knowing literally nothing else about you I know you deserve better because anyone does.

fembitch97 · 2024-03-31T20:54:32+00:00

I don’t know if there is a community that specific, but r/women is very accepting and kind. You could also check out r/twoxchromosomes, that could be a good place to vent and they will get angry on your behalf haha

frkshow666 · 2024-03-31T21:43:42+00:00

I too am going thru this. I also curious.

AdComprehensive7939 · 2024-04-01T03:49:43+00:00

I don't know about specific communities but I can tell you I have seen quite a few posts like this on the 2x chromosomes sub.

Dapper_Hamster4698 · 2024-03-31T22:55:01+00:00

One of my guy friends who I wanted to pursue a potential relationship with turned into a major RP douche nozzle. He started disrespecting me like crazy. I’m still sad till this day about having to go no contact with him because our last fight got pretty ugly

BoxOfPineapples · 2024-03-31T23:03:50+00:00

Seconding r/women and r/TwoXChromosomes . Occasionally they pop up in my feed, and occasionally there are women who've been through the same thing sadly :(

xvszero · 2024-03-31T22:53:49+00:00

He's not going to be that man again. You have to move on.

ForsakenAd7480 · 2024-04-01T02:13:50+00:00

Red pill widows

Top_Radio_9436 · 2024-04-01T04:08:57+00:00

I'm sorry, but please cut your losses for your own good. You are feeling beaten down and broken because you are being abused. The juice isn't worth the squeeze on this one.

He fell for mysogynistic rage-bait which activated or amplified his insecurities. It was as easy as that to turn him into what he is, so he had issues under the surface that you were not aware of. I've lost quite a few friends to this trash.

Maybe though, he was always an asshole and just hid his true face. Abusive people are like that; they turn on the charm early in the relationship and do things to create dependency and then switch.

OkCool_strawberry · 2024-04-04T02:32:56+00:00

we don’t always get what we want. he won’t change back because you want him to. accept that the man you love is gone (was he ever there really? it takes a certain kind of people to accept Red Pill beliefs that long. humans devote themselves to ideologies because those ways of thinking resonate with what already is inside them) the way out is the way forward.

sister_long_pause · 2024-04-04T18:08:30+00:00

u gotta let him go sis youll be happier without the bs ik its hard ive been there. but i have no regrets abt letting it go.

Stargazer1919 · 2024-03-31T21:44:14+00:00

Yes, there have been stories like that in this very subreddit. If you do some searching you'll find them.

scatteredmatters · 2024-04-05T11:58:05+00:00

Send me a message I went through the same

IntoTheBlueWeGo · 2024-04-01T04:20:50+00:00

I was once radicalized into the red pill. I’m embarrassed to admit this, especially here, but it’s true. I want down a deep, dark rabbit hole that lasted years starting in my early twenties. Your question here essentially amounts to “how can I get him back,” and I’m here to tell you, as someone who’s been there and managed to climb out of that hole, YOU can’t.

Your man (ex man?) is suffering from a very pernicious type of radicalization. I say pernicious because The Red Pill has been so successful because it tugs on the marionette strings of frustration and resentment that literally ALL men feel, to some degree, at some point in their lives.

Characterizing RedPill men as abusive is a gross and frankly irresponsible oversimplification and misrepresentation of what they are and the ideology that possesses them. They are ideologues. They have fallen prey to a virus of the mind that is distorting their perception of the world. The fact that this process often co-occurs with abusive behavior within relationships leads others to falsely equate the two as synonymous and interchangeable. They are not.

However, radicalization and the perpetration of abuse, while different, share many of the same solutions: accountability and deprogramming.

My accountability was when my ex-fiancé of over five years got sick of my shit and dumped me. I took her for granted, among many other things. This breakup was one of the most emotionally traumatic experiences of my life, and that’s saying something, considering my best friend hung himself a few months prior. It took me two years to fully recover from this relationship ending so abruptly. During this time, I both attempted to cope and failed to cope with the emotional consequences of my actions.

I enrolled in a batterer’s intervention group, voluntarily, to see if they could help. I don’t want to throw shade at the abuser rehabilitation community, but with all due respect, I will humbly argue that these groups are a waste of time at best. Almost all attendees are there mandatorily under a court order and do the bare minimum to get through the course so they can go back to their lives and continue abusing. Furthermore, most attendees are very high in disordered personality traits like narcissism and psychopathy, both of which are very well documented to be extremely treatment resistant, since they are ego-syntonic. In my group, most of the attendees weren’t intellectually muscular enough to rationalize their repugnant behavior with an ideology as nuanced as TheRedPill. Needless to say, I knew my solution wasn’t there. I made it five months into my group before I couldn’t deny to myself any longer that my participation was actively damaging my efforts to seek rehabilitation, so I left.

Another group that I attended that I will sing the praises of until the day I die is anger management. Understanding ones own abusive behavior stems in part from knowing where it came from. For me, it was my narcissistic father who beat me, who ruled my childhood home with an iron fist, and my codependent and manipulative mother who would never respect my boundaries and often make sexual comments about my juvenile body.

Anyways, anger management was a much needed software update that taught me from the ground up how to control my emotions, identify my triggers, as well as how to politely express to others what I want and need, in addition to to articulating boundaries. I cannot recommend this enough.

I also sought out professional therapy from a licensed clinical psychologist, who specializes in treating both victims and perpetrators of abuse. My shrink correctly identified my medication noncompliance with my bipolar disorder as a tremendously aggravating factor that negatively contributed to my behavior within my relationship. In addition to challenging the false core beliefs TheRedPill had instilled within me, she also used a therapeutic technique called cognitive behavioral therapy to reiterate the importance to me of staying on my meds.

I know this is a lot and if you’ve made it this far I’d like to thank you for reading. As a takeaway, from a former RedPill guy, hear this:

Allowing him to return to you absolves him of being held accountable for his deplorable behavior. He NEEDS accountability in order to start healing, and by taking him back, again and again, you are ENABLING him to remain abusive and radicalized.

You cannot fix him. That is waaaaay above your pay grade, so don’t even try. Even if you were a clinical psychologist, the fact that you are the subject of his attachment system makes it impossible for you to reach him, even if you knew what to say.

He needs to re-learn that women, fundamentally, are not subordinate to men, nor should they be. Equality doesn’t mean the sexes are literally the same, it means they are naturally endowed with the same degree of moral worth and inherent value as human beings.

He needs a professional therapist, one who is experienced at treating men who suffer from his strain of distorted thinking.

I want to be very clear when I say this, especially to all of the women reading this comment: feminist ideology is NOT the solution to this man’s problem. As someone who dealt with this during my rehabilitation, believe me when I say that attempting to use feminist concepts and ideas to challenge him, or to serve as an alternative to his RedPill ideology will only further entrench him in his poisonous worldview.

In summary, get the fuck away from him. You sound incredibly codependent and like you completely lack boundaries and self respect, so therapy should definitely be on your to do list. I say this with love.

Good luck OP.

_-1334 · 2024-07-01T02:39:56+00:00

The community you're seeking are the friends that you had before you met him.

My advice is to go no contact and try to forget the torment. Try to forget about figuring out Why. Spend some time with the people who make you light up. Focusing on him is just going to hurt your head and heart. Even if there's some stuff that you agree with, overall the redpill community is toxic. You don't have to confine yourself into any mold for anyone. Go get drunk with your bestie and meet up with yourself again. <3

Aggravating_Basket23 · 2024-04-03T14:11:13+00:00

But what about him? Why he became red pill? He certanly had a good reason to go that way, I'm sure it doesn't popped out of the blue.

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