Does anyone struggle with the seemingly contradictory mindsets of dating and attraction?

lookma24 · 2024-05-19T23:35:56+00:00

Dominant is not controlling. It’s the carrot 🥕 not the stick.

Think taking the lead. You are having fun and inviting her to join.

If she doesn’t want to follow, don’t lose frame and simp for her. Keep leading. It doesn’t have to be aggressive.

Basically all "decision points" between you and a woman should come down to "this is my choice, if she says no, I have other options."

Examples:

The weather will be stellar I’m going hiking, you should join.

There’s a great exhibit at the museum I am seeing tonight. You should come.

You don't ask her "Do you want to go on a date? Where do you want to go? When are you free?"

You ask her "let's do this at this time on this day" and she has the option to say yes or no, and she has the ability to say yes provide alternative days/times; if she just says no, you have other options ready.

If she says no, don’t get butthurt. You already gave amazing plans and there is an abundance of other ladies. That’s the go with the flow part.

Hortos · 2024-05-20T00:13:25+00:00

The number one thing you need to remember is most of the advice on this stuff is based on a lot of approaching or matches like tons and tons it’s a numbers game. So the people who you do eventually attract will actually be into you instead of forcing it. As you get better you get more interactions and your skillset improves.

TRTGymBro1 · 2024-05-20T10:51:53+00:00

Tattoo this on your forehead:

Women NEVER want what they CAN get and ONLY want what they CAN'T get.

Expressing interest is fine. Chasing is not. Chasing is when you are trying to convince her or prove to her that you want her to pick you. People chase others because they believe the other person has something they need.

The way to counter this is to sit down and be crystal clear about what you want and what kind of woman you want. Do you want a ons, FWB, serious girlfriend, a harem? Decide what you want and then decide what your criteria for women are. What do they look like, act like, what her values are, how she treats you, how she treats others, etc. If one of your criteria is "girls who don't make any effort to reach out to me", then by all means keep pursuing her desperately. But hopefully this is not one of your criteria.

When you know what you want, you become the selector because now you are screening women and filtering them. They do it to us all the time, but if you do it first, they have no choice but to fall into the role of the one who is trying to prove to you that she is worthy of your time.

DaygameCode · 2024-05-20T00:38:40+00:00

A lot of advice around attraction says: “Be abundant” “Go with the flow”, “if she doesn’t text back then don’t put yourself out”.

Be abundant means that you don’t get caught up over pursuing an specific woman for months like she is the only woman in the world, when nothing happens or being obsessed with getting a result from her that never comes or which is taking longer than reasonable.

If she doesn’t text back you don’t wanna double or triple text sure.

But a lot of dating advice is about being bold, dominant, “go after what you want” type attitude. It’s hard to explain exactly but that’s my best summary.

Being bold and dominant and going for what you wants is about being shameless and daring when flirting with a woman and taking the lead.

That doesn’t mean that you use this as an excuse to chase like she is the only woman in the world for months, and keeping yourself waiting exclusively of ever neglecting opportunities with other women.

Going for what you want should not be confused with being needy or a try hard who can’t take no for an answer. It just means that you see a woman you are attracted to you approach her, it doesn’t mean that if the woman is constantly giving you excuses or not responding your calls you keep chasing because you mistakenly think “you are just going for what you want”.

Seems more like you don’t truly understand or assimilate the concepts and have a vague idea of what they mean.

InstructionAbject763 · 2024-05-20T00:43:34+00:00

It's super simple

People give attention to who and what they like and want

Women get more sexual attention than men so it means less to women.

We don't care.

So, the more attention kinda just makes you another sales man of sex.

So, so long as you show enough interest to let them know you like them, but stay back enough to give her space

I explain it to men as men often make women feel cornered emotionally and physically and sometimes make it feel very hard to be able to say no or leave

So when a guy acts interested but basically gives us every opportunity to leave and or say no, while satisfying all her core Tennants, then she will say yes.

I want to feel safe enough to say no, bit I want you to make me want to say yes.

And you do that with giving me the ability and option for a no pressure no if so be it, but act and show me what you're able to give (good sex or a good relationship)

Edit: and both men and women need to not fuck with people who don't initiate conversation

Both parties need to initiate to degrees

The man needs to start the majority of it in the beginning as usually the man is the one who wants the woman first based solely on appearances. It's his job to engage her and then when things start happening it does become her job to reciprocate levels of attention and initiation

Also, lots of women won't initiate and may just say yes to sex or a date if you ask, because they care about casual sex only and have way more options than you do, so do not care as much as keeping your attention with talking and texting

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-05-20T00:52:51+00:00

It's easy to have both mindsets when you understand the idea of consent.

Yes, go for what you want. But do NOT force anyone to go with you. That's what creates an abundance mindset.

Dandys3107 · 2024-05-20T06:42:21+00:00

You start small and gradually escalate intimacy depending on girl's reactions. If she is not really responsive, you play it cool and let it go without much struggle, if she shows interest or at least some promising odds, you need to boldly continue with your game. You should be fluid with your mindset and attitude, but at the same time you need to embrace a "no" scenario without getting bitter or delusional.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2024-05-20T15:29:08+00:00

Those are two sides of the same coin. Be bold, dominant, centered, and go after what you want. And part of that is knowing who you are and what you want. And what you want is someone who really turns you on, and who you laugh with and go on amazing adventures with and can also manage life together with. That's what women want, too. And part of being bold and centered is accepting that things are the way they are, without trying to change them to become different. If you keep pursuing someone who isn't responding with playful joy, then you're trying to change things. It shows you're afraid of what is, afraid of this girl not liking you or wanting you, and you want it to be somehow different. The real courage comes from caring deeply about the person (because everyone's worthy of care), but not caring whether she's into you or not. So this one doesn't like you? So what? Who cares? This is a race where the only winners are the ones who are running because they love running, not because they are trying to get somewhere fast.

DrJulianBashirhere · 2024-05-20T00:15:05+00:00

A very crude metaphor- Think of it like being a Roman general, to take over a city and then to occupy it takes different mindsets. Once a woman is in love with you then you have to do things a bit differently. The goal here is to have emotionally enriching relationships with another human being.

atomant88 · 2024-05-25T23:35:23+00:00

stop trying to be fake homie. dont do what doesnt come naturally. be yourself and be confident in that. im clingy AF. the people who like me will like that. the people who dont like that wont like me anyways. why try to be with someone by being fake? you end up with someone who doesnt like the real you. or more likely you send mixed messages and you get no one

Specialist_Gap_8844 · 2024-05-20T00:13:33+00:00

Moi je vois plutôt ça comme des comportements qui sont propre à chacun.

La manière d’être là dessus est clairement un trait de personnalité et doit justement rester naturel et non forcé ou adapter à une norme.

Sinon toutes les relations seront fondé sur une base de triche et finiront par découvrir le vrai visage de l’autre plus tard.

Tu vois ce que je veux dire ?

Title	Does anyone struggle with the seemingly contradictory mindsets of dating and attraction?
Author	Wean1eHu11
Upvotes	19
Comments	12
Date	May 19, 2024 11:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cw1bfz/does_anyone_struggle_with_the_seemingly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-anyone-struggle-with-the-seemingly.1518957 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518957

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