How do I let go of my incessant need for “closure”?

DaygameCode · 2024-08-15T22:07:10+00:00

You need to work on your self-esteem and stop the unfair practice of using women as objects to measure your worth.

You have to understand that your worth isn’t determined by what other people think or say of you, but by the values you hold, your integrity, your resilience, your self-respect and your personal growth. No one else can define your worth, but you.

And until you don’t understand this, you will continue to look needy and insecure in women’s eyes and thus they win be turn off by that.

A relationship does nto exists so that you can find out if you are worth somethings or to get clarity on whether you are worthy or not. As long as you continue to approach dating in this way, most women tend to ignore you because that vibe is always projected even without you realising.

Women don’t have to reassure you that you are worth something and asking them for reassurance only reinforces your lack of appeal to them. Your traumas should be treated in a therapy session, not treated by girls that turn you down or ghost you.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-08-15T23:09:50+00:00

Sounds cliche but… love yourself, make peace with yourself. You can’t love others if you don’t start with yourself.

Pamper yourself. Buy expensive stuff for yourself. Treat yourself with fancy delicious food. Expensive clothing. Start working out, get a better body, a better mindset. You deserve all this because you love yourself. You want to be better.

Nobody else will do it for you if you don’t do it for yourself. Your self value depends on how you perceive and do for yourself. Not depending on what people say about you.

Believe me, when you start doing this for yourself, you will see significant changes on how others see you. I’m not saying you do it so others will change their mind. That’s just the fruition of you loving yourself. The goal/objective is you. A better you.

alphaonthecomeup · 2024-08-15T21:58:50+00:00

Let go of the closure thing. It doesn’t exist. Women will never tell you the truth. Not all, but the majority are too weak to tell you to your face what the issue is. Sometimes shit isn’t even your fault. Outside things happen sometimes that have nothing to do with you.

Choose people who choose you and try your best to forget those that choose wrong ;)

Get back into the gym and crush out 50 pull ups

Westernation · 2024-08-16T03:57:34+00:00

I took up contract killing.

mister-castorini · 2024-08-16T00:54:40+00:00

Honestly, who cares about what women think.

Wean1eHu11 · 2024-08-15T23:10:14+00:00

Talking from personal experience, Getting closure will only make you feel better for as long as it takes for your brain to spin it into “ oh man so if I just done x it would have been different “ and then you need more closure to confirm whether or not it would have been true that doing x would have different. You just end up in a feedback loop of self pity.

As the saying goes “grant me the strength to change the things I can, the courage to accept the things I can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two “. The reality of dating is that some things are in your control, but a lot of it is just straight up due to the serendipitous and whimsical nature of the universe

SURFcityUTAH · 2024-08-16T02:15:10+00:00

You focus on improving yourself as much as you can. Wanting closure is wanting one more chance to convince her she should want you and appreciate you. When I went through this I would think about how she is probably banging a dude right now as I’m wishing I had closure. I stopped thinking about anything to do with closure. Chicks get closure by letting a new dude get closer.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2024-08-15T22:36:42+00:00

What they think of you is none of your business, the more you latch on to that, the better you will be.

What does knowing why actually do for you? The right situation won’t leave you feeling like this and it’s blessing that they did this before you invested more time and money into a relationship that goes nowhere.

As mentioned, you need to improve your self worth, because honestly, when one door closes, 5 more open up behind it.

MrDownhillRacer · 2024-08-16T14:26:02+00:00

I find it cathartic to immediately share my insecurities and literally letting them know “hey, I know im ugly, skinny fat and corny.”.

Sounds like you want them to feel sorry for you and to feel bad for breaking things off with you. Like, "I'll pretend to have high confidence and be normal because that's how you get girls, but as soon as they dump me, I'm free to drop the façade and dump all my self-loathing on them so they realize how they hurt a delicate little flower and feel awful about it and validate my feelings."

And it's like, yeah, ghosting people is a garbage move, but it still doesn't license you to trauma dump on them and they didn't sign up for this shit. All it does is reinforce their choice.

You should stop doing this. I would say "you need to learn to get validation elsewhere," but I shouldn't give advice I don't know how to follow myself. But at the very least, we have the power to not do corny-ass shit like this.

OkProfessional9405 · 2024-08-15T22:29:52+00:00

Once you realize half the time women are playing multiple guys and it more than likely wasn't you. She just wanted your attention on days she was waiting for the guy she wanted.

ColdEstablishment172 · 2024-08-15T22:33:22+00:00

Did you at least sleep with them?

Title	How do I let go of my incessant need for “closure”?
Author	uwearmeout
Upvotes	13
Comments	21
Date	August 15, 2024 9:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1et7bj1/how_do_i_let_go_of_my_incessant_need_for_closure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-let-go-of-my-incessant-need-for-closure.1527388 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527388

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