Being liked for my personality instead of my appearance

Justwannaread3 · 2024-09-15T03:04:40+00:00

So compliments about your appearance are “genuine” but compliments about your personality aren’t?

I don’t understand this at all.

Your personality is who you are! Your physique is just the meat suit that carries the brain that is you.

GladysSchwartz23 · 2024-09-15T03:01:15+00:00

If people like your personality that's a REALLY GOOD THING actually!

TelevisionGloomy5458 · 2024-09-15T21:41:36+00:00

Now you know how women feel. We think men only like us because we are pretty, not for our personalities

flipsidetroll · 2024-09-15T06:52:03+00:00

Your posts on the other sub show you are very much NOT ex red pill. So either you are looking for comments to back up your ideologies or you are looking for comments to use as content.

But I’ll answer as if you are ex red pill. If you were a fat teenager, I can guarantee that first comments you got were from other boys bullying you. So how is it that you don’t hold it against them? Instead you blindly believe men on the internet? Seems you should be more angry with men than women. Same as short men being angry at women. When most likely they were bullied by other boys first. I can never understand this.

And can you imagine hearing people say that “yeah, swole has a good bod, but he’s as exciting as a damp tea towel”. Or “He has zero sense of humour”. Then you’ll be upset over those comments. We all have insecurities. Every single person. We just have to realise they are ours alone and most people who care about us don’t even see them.

SufficientDot4099 · 2024-09-16T03:10:54+00:00

Well if they're complimenting your personality that doesn't mean it's instead of your appearance. They probably like your appearance too.

the_unraveling · 2024-09-16T17:36:57+00:00

The flaw RP puts in your head is that it’s either/or. I’m sure dudes that have perfect bodies get told by women they like them for their personalities too. If someone likes you, it’s 99% a combination of both.

Hope that helps!

cat_on_a_spaceship · 2024-10-01T08:29:39+00:00

Old post but I want to reply because I can relate to an extent (am a woman). I was never bad looking, but I was at best cute in a plain way, which lack of effort was a large component because I felt that my other aspects (my personality, competence, etc) were more important.

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now husband), who due to some trauma, had various quirks like being very emotionally detached and also being very poor at expressing himself, which included explaining why he liked me. Like it was always “because I do” or “I don’t know”. At some point it was hard for me to convince myself he actually loved me.

Somehow, I got the idea that I wasn’t good enough to deserve better compliments/treatment, and I already knew I was a good+fun person (aka personality), so I ended out hyper focusing on my appearance. I went all out and actually became very good looking. Made a bunch of new friends and went out more too, basically new character arc.

My boyfriend meanwhile was going through his own character arc where worked out his own mental issues and became a lot more expressive. He apologized for how it was for me in the past and started being able to tell me why I was special to him, mostly about my personality.

His words were so sincere and loving, but for almost a year, I felt incredibly uneasy and apprehensive because it felt like a big part of me, my looks and the effort it took, which everyone else appreciated so much, was being “wasted” in the relationship. Also the nagging feeling that it was insincere. Like I actually felt so bad and I had this whole arc where I didn’t even care about my personality anymore.

Long story short, the phase passed and I’m glad I went back to the “old me.” Retrospectively I realized my whole appearance obsessed phase was leftover severe copium from not being treated well enough by my boyfriend during a period of my life when (in my head) all I had was my personality.

With a combination of time and logic, I’ve accepted that I was always good enough to be loved and the situation was really not about me, but my partner. And I feel genuinely happier nowadays because I actually feel lucky to be me. I have a great life and it all the foundations came from who I am as a person. Stuff like my appearance getting better is just building on top of that foundation (and I’m way more chill about it nowadays). Basically, i learned to love myself again and I’m saying you should be able to too (eventually).

Sagecerulli · 2025-04-15T02:52:47+00:00

That sounds really rough, and I'm so sorry.

*As a woman* I'll say that looks do somewhat matter ... but at least for me, I usually start seeing people I'm attracted to as beautiful/attractive after I have an emotional connection with them. And the looks that matter aren't always (or ever) 6-pack abs; they can be other things -- like gentle eyes, or the way that a person's face lights up when they are excited.

Maybe this makes me demisexual & I'm a minority, but I think a lot of women are less immediately turned on/intrigued by visual stimulus than men are. (I'm friends with a few transwomen who have confirmed this, because the nature of their desire changed after going on hormones). Also, I think women might feel more pressure to feel "yearning" rather than "lust" and thus give less verbal feedback on physical appearance?

That said, though, you should absolutely be proud of your body. If you've accomplished something and it makes you feel more confident, that's great -- and it definitely impacts how you show up in a space, the vibes you give off, etc. Plus exercise has a ton of benefits that will make you more attractive in a secondary way -- like having better mental health.

Title	Being liked for my personality instead of my appearance
Author	SwoleAustralian
Upvotes	8
Comments	34
Date	September 15, 2024 1:44 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1fh1jgj/being_liked_for_my_personality_instead_of_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/being-liked-for-my-personality-instead-of-my.1530356 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530356

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