Need advice: I’m a woman and a hopeless flirt

Footsoldier420 · 2024-09-19T01:49:28+00:00

Just be yourself. Be comfortable. Only flirt with guys you're attracted to.

There's nothing to it. Banter, tease, hint.

Quartrez · 2024-09-19T01:49:32+00:00

I can comment on the "spark" thing, I think that's hollywood crap and you should not look for a spark, especially if it's the first time you're interacting with someone or like a first date. If it happens, cool, but don't rely on it or expect it.

As a guy, I've dated a couple women and I've NEVER had a spark on the first date, except for one girl. Another girl took like an entire month before I started feeling like yea, maybe I'm into her. (I'm not saying wait a month, but I'd give it more time than just that first impression. Let the feelings grow a bit.)

mredge73 · 2024-09-19T03:24:10+00:00

This sub is full of boring people who want to go on great dates. You should only accept dates with someone you are attracted to and know what you want before accepting it. A date is different from a friendly dinner, sex must be on the table (but never guaranteed). Go into the date as a woman seeking a man. Focus on making an emotional connection and avoid platonic topics. Lots of eye contact, and smile. Talk with your hands and touch him on his shoulder or forearm. Allow him to lead you by the hand as you walk together. Ask few questions and avoid deep topics. Laugh and have fun. Be prepared to kiss on the first date.

You don't have to tell him you are a virgin or haven't had a real boyfriend. You are both adults, know that he may be dating multiple women at this point and may choose the easiest one if he just wants a physical connection. Virgins are naturally bad at sex, so don't use the same strategy. You should be offering an emotional connection to counter this.

FreeTheMarket · 2024-09-19T02:39:31+00:00

Eye contact, don’t get overly invested in the guy you’re flirting with, say what pops into your head no filter even if it’s controversial, tease him, touch his arm. He should do the rest

NiceGuysDatingCoach · 2024-09-19T08:46:48+00:00

Three things:

"being a hopeless flirt" means that you flirt all the time and are very good at it
"I really don’t want to make a spectacle of myself" If you keep to that philosophy, you will never learn. Magic happens outside of your comfort zone
Be direct. Just tell guys straight up that you like them, invite to to make out, etc. Once you can do that, you can work on details.

2024-09-20T06:15:51+00:00

ok, here's a bit of a nsfw advice and also some friendly advice. I used to be in a similar position and it took me a heck of a long time to realize a few things, so I hope some of this saves you some time:

friendly advice: when you go on dates don't treat the guys as friend. be friendly, sure, but bring down your energy level. speak a bit slower than you usually would, move a bit slower, smile a bit here and there but do it in a coy way. try to touch his hand on the table. not all of this at once but get comfortable with this. It's going to be a bit awkward in the beginning but the longer you wait the more awkward it will be. Just see it as practice and don't hold on to the results.
nsfw advice: make a fake profile somewhere and start talking a bit dirty. Or dirtier that you usually would. You need to start exploring how you feel in this context and if you're not comfortable talking about it, chances are things could feel awkward irl. then it becomes a loop of not having sex cause you're shy but feeling shy is not making you get closer to having sex and time goes by and the performance anxiety gets to you. Trust me, 22 is not that old as you might think but I understand the pressure.
epilogue: The minute you own your narrative and talk confidently about your experience and what you want, things will completely switch. When I finally did that, my speech after a couple of dates was something like. Well... I have to tell you something. I haven't really had a lot of experience but I'm curious to try x, y, z, and explain if there's something that's important for you. Just talking about it helps everyone get in the mood and if they get turned off by any of this, they're likely not nice people, cause nice people care and make sure the other person feels comfortable in a scenario like this.

SoulDepletion · 2024-09-20T14:10:30+00:00

If you feel you're boring a guy as he gets to know you more, it's probably 1. You aren't interesting enough as a person (hobbies, lifestyle) or 2. Aren't allowing them to shine. A cute girl listening to my aspirations and shiz is more than enough for me to start feeling attracted to her.

Other than that, flirtation lies outside the boundary of conversational safety. Some men are too daft (or afraid) to pick up signals, so make sure it's clear in an authentic way. I'm sure you can do all types of searches, granted you aren't unpleasant to look at, in showing interest in subtly (key here). I'd go against the grain and say connection isn't solely based on flirtation but in the realization of similarity. Are the guys you're talking to actually found in places you feel connected to or is there a huge gap between who they are and you?

And three, don't get so desperate to go on a date just bc of family expectations and shame. It seems to me right now it comes less from what your heart wants and more out of fear. You alone know when the right time to start throwing yourself out there is.

H8beingmale · 2024-09-29T14:32:44+00:00

why the hell do women need skills for dating and attraction? it doesn't make sense

dagistan-comissar · 2024-09-19T06:05:01+00:00

also the "spark" is over hyped, even if it is there it is a fleeting thing and it will come and go. you might have a crush on someone, then go on a few dates and not feel any spark. and then on month 3 of the relationship start falling in love anyway. then fall out of love at year 2. and then fall back in love at year 3. It should not be the "spark" that holds the relationship together.

MysteryLiezer · 2024-09-19T15:54:40+00:00

You should start with not wanting to make a spectacle of yourself.

That sounds like fear, and fear is the literal antithesis of love.

Would you rather do a horrible job at actually flirting? Or an absolutely amazing job at not flirting whatsoever?

Independent-Crew-723 · 2024-09-19T17:58:36+00:00

You’re a woman, yo need no flirt

No-Preference8767 · 2024-09-19T12:13:57+00:00

Are you talking about in your extended friend group or strangers?

Nearby_Advance7443 · 2024-09-19T16:27:08+00:00

Lol I’m surprised by most of these comments. None of them has suggested what I think your main problem may be.

Sex appeal.

Being more visual creatures, we men are not scrutinizing your game very much. You have to be downright socially challenged to turn a guy off with your personality, and you don’t seem so. That in mind, it stands to reason you’re not turning guys on enough.

Put more focus into sexuality and your personal pleasure. Masturbate more. Watch porn and figure out what you like sexually. Buy more revealing clothing. Exercise (both for your health and your sexuality). Don’t be afraid to silently objectify men you find sexy while you’re out. That type of thing will put out vibes that excite men. One thing that a dating coach I saw said that absolutely works both ways for the two sexes, when you’re talking with somebody you want to fuck allow yourself to picture them naked and doing elicit acts with you. The person will absolutely feel that energy and if there’s attraction present your bodies will instinctively escalate. That’s just a non-flirting example.

Don’t sweat learning how to flirt, especially as a woman (meaning no disrespect). If you have a healthy libido and sexual confidence, most guys will think you being awkward is a fun contrast.

mister_k1 · 2024-09-19T01:49:14+00:00

getting game!!! lol

dagistan-comissar · 2024-09-19T06:01:21+00:00

not everyone is into flirting. flirting is a nice fun activity, but it is not mandatory.

Ok-Economist-5147 · 2024-09-19T13:59:00+00:00

When the right time comes , the right man will find you. God will send him to you. Don't waste your time on this. Most importantly, you seem like a good girl so don't lose your virginity before marriage because sex before marriage is considered sin and scientifically speaking it's proven bad and mentally unhealthy for relationship.

Title	Need advice: I’m a woman and a hopeless flirt
Author	Time-County4400
Upvotes	41
Comments	20
Date	September 19, 2024 1:43 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fk9jxa/need_advice_im_a_woman_and_a_hopeless_flirt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-advice-im-a-woman-and-a-hopeless-flirt.1530650 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530650

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