Laura Doyle during grad school?

PillUpAss · 2024-12-06T11:56:00+00:00

I don’t mean to under-engineer this but.. just have sex? If you are tired, then at least always please him when he wants it.

Yep, I’ve been in this situation and I’ve left a woman partly because of this. You are 100% correct to be concerned about your relationship.

Remember sex and respect are how men feel loved. Focus on those and you’ll amazed by the man you’ll get in return.

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Creative-Care4953 · 2024-12-07T14:51:23+00:00

I have a PhD and now on TT. I started my Red Pill Journey during my program when I started dating my now-husband. I am fully burned out now post-graduation and life did not necessarily get easier.

You are placing a lot of expectations on yourself. Don’t set a precedent with your partner that will only be more difficult to maintain as you are further in your career.

manolosandmartinis44 · 2024-12-10T21:32:36+00:00

I’d drop out if he proposed but he hasn’t

When I met my now husband, we were both doing our PhDs. After a few meetings, he agreed to propose once our coursework was finished. He did so.

I'm assuming your man isn't in a PhD programme of his own, so maybe propose that?

AutoModerator · 2024-12-06T04:04:57+00:00

Title: Laura Doyle during grad school?

Author Margareydragonslayer

Full text: Hey all, I’ve been following RPW for like ~7 years now.

This August I recently started a PhD program. For a variety of reasons I’m so worn out - I used to have a job and a solid salary and a comfortable life. Now I have to live in a very gross apartment and bike in the cold for 2 hours a day. I’m working on getting a car and a nicer apartment, but I expect to be harried and exhausted for at least another six months.

All this is having an effect on my relationship. My boyfriend was always more of a physical affection guy than a huge verbal communicator. I only see him on the weekends now that I’m in school and I think we’re both starting to feel unloved by the other and resentful. I know what this means - time to ramp up the Laura Doyle! It’s the main thing that works.

But now that I’m so physically exhausted and stressed from living in grad student poverty I’m not sure how to practice self care or get myself into a sexy mood. Even buying myself a sweet treat of watching a Netflix show for fun is hard because of the travel time to the store and how gross my apartment is. I’ve also been praying everyday and trying to practice gratitude for small things but ya girl is miserable. I’d drop out if he proposed but he hasn’t and it seems like it won’t come for a while now that our relationship is struggling. I also can’t ask him to make my life easier by buying me warmer gloves or helping me find a car or anything like that - he hates planning/ doing that kind of thing and it doesn’t come naturally to him.

Does anyone have any advice?

TLDR boyfriend is a physical affection guy and is now withdrawn because of distance, so I’m not getting my emotional needs met. Laura Doyle stuff usually works, but I’m in grad school and don’t know how to apply the advice.

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passifluora · 2024-12-12T01:12:33+00:00

I met my partner a year ago, when I was about to finish my second to last year of my PhD and head into summer. Before him, I had an "efficient"/symbiotic relationship with another grad student that was almost sexless. Before that, and overlapping, I had a bit of a drinking problem. Both "worked" in a way, but the grad student relationship was doomed and unsatisfying. On the flip side, a relationship with my future husband (I think I can say?) might not have survived. That's an idea I have mourned and have moved on from because I dont want to accidentally punish him for something in an alternate universe I imagined.

Since it sounds like you might want advice that takes the average of these two anecdotes I'd be drawing from, I would say in hindsight: when you have to prioritize, give people what they're asking for first. And yeah, like you commented earlier, limit your energy investment to your inner circle and prioritize family and yourself, then him! But you don't need to give him a play-by-play of how you're spending the rest of your time or else he will naturally compare the worthiness of that time to his own needs. The great thing about how minimal life is as a PhD student is that when you aren't focused on Priority C, you're probably focused on your only other priorities, A and B. All your priorities are worthy. So as long as you are showing up in the ways that make him feel most heard and desired and aren't doing anything shady on the side, he can assume that you're taking as much time as you need to tend to those other things. And he can get lost of that's still not enough! It's very hard to get into a PhD program and it is an investment in yourself that nobody can take away from you. It may even make you a calmer wife to have.

The advice to reflect the positive aspects of your PhD and why you love it is also great and something I try to work on. Even though I'm writing my dissertation and mostly need a shoulder to cry on. My partner helps me embody my inner science queen though and I love sharing things that light me up inside.

I have a medium-distance relationship with my partner that has only had to survive a year of PhD insanity. I also am at my peak in home decor by now; it would be so much harder during the initial transition! This PhD was a decision I made as a single woman that makes aspects of our relationship almost intolerable at times, but it's because parts of MY life are intolerably straining at times. But it's also a reflection of many of my best qualities and a source of passion, insight, logic, and community for me that I am very lucky to have. Sorry to make this about me, I hope something here is helpful.

Title	Laura Doyle during grad school?
Author	Margareydragonslayer
Upvotes	17
Comments	39
Date	December 6, 2024 4:04 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1h7sq4n/laura_doyle_during_grad_school/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/laura-doyle-during-grad-school.1537744 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537744

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