Thoughts on kissing & touching on a first date

Quirkychickenfrog · 2025-01-23T07:34:03+00:00

I’m going to be honest and say this man is probably only interested in sex with you if you clearly communicated your discomfort and he kept trying to touch/kiss you.

Hartley7 · 2025-01-23T13:58:00+00:00

I’m sorry dear. This is a huge red flag because he was much too handsy and he also wouldn’t respect your boundaries. A true gentleman wouldn’t have been all over you and he wouldn’t have pushed you like that either.

This man was also trying to create a false sense of intimacy by using pet names immediately.

He could be lying about wanting children and marriage just to get you into bed. Future faking is very common. It might be helpful to listen to your gut. It doesn’t seem like you are comfortable with him.

When I was single, I had to walk away from a lot of men I was seeing because they were too pushy about physical contact and sex.

PhilosopherOne5332 · 2025-01-23T05:35:42+00:00

I’m glad you have set your boundaries and addressed it. I feel like some women allow men think it ls ok to do these things to us on first dates “if it’s unwanted.”

blackbarb1e · 2025-01-22T15:34:01+00:00

Personally I find kissing to be fine. But, I was always taught that if you have no intention of sleeping with a man, you should not tease him with very hot and heavy touching like the passionate tongue kissing you mentioned. Usually this leaves the gentleman frustrated, even if he initiated it. It’s all up to your comfort level :) Tell him gently and with a big smile that you’d like to take it slow if need be ~~~🩷🩷💞

Jenneapolis · 2025-01-22T16:39:40+00:00

Men are told they need to escalate on a first date or the woman will move on so many feel like they need to be touchy. It’s not right or wrong, you just have to decide what you’re comfortable with and communicate it in a way that is not hurtful to him (if you still want to continue seeing him again).

In my experience, most first dates involve the guy trying to do some sort of touching and most go for a kiss at the end. That’s why it’s on us to decide what we’re comfortable with.

TheBunk_TB · 2025-01-23T19:11:52+00:00

Escalating to the 4th Quarter/second half of the ball game, to use sports parlance.

throwaway_lalaland · 2025-01-29T00:05:39+00:00

Generally speaking, if a guy is very handsy on a first date or ignores your physical boundaries, he probably isn't looking for anything serious with you.

Personally, I think it's okay to kiss/make out on a first date. If you're not comfortable with that, then you don't have to. Just know that the faster you escalate kissing, the faster you escalate everything else. If you want to pace yourself more, it doesn't have to be a super loaded conversation where you lay out what you will and won't do like an ice queen. Here's what you can do: you can kiss lightly on the first date, make out on the next few dates, go to second base on the dates after that, and slowly round out the other bases on the rest of your dates. If he asks why you haven't had PIV yet, you can tell him that you're not ready yet or have the conversation of wanting to wait until you know each other better or whatever your boundary is.

The key is to have some progression of physical intimacy each time you see each other but to balance that with your level of comfort. That way, you're both happy. Just remember that you have all the control here :)

leosandlattes · 2025-01-22T18:50:34+00:00

Men are taught to escalate and probably have some instinct to escalate. Understand that a lot men these days are also wary of being "beta buxxed" - meaning a woman chose him without actually being attracted to him because she wanted stability and marriage. They want to be sure that the woman they are dating desires him like he desires her.

Of course, you shouldn't do anything you don't want to. And there are ways of conveying desire without engaging in the activity necessarily. For example, if he touches you it's ok to be responsive - shivers, eye contact - and then coyly move his hand to a more comfortable spot (but still on your body so that it does not feel like a rejection). My point here is that you do not have to be cold in communicating that you aren't comfortable with this, especially if you like him.

I made out with my boyfriend on our first date, and slept with him on our second. Generally I think touching and kissing is fine on a first date.

Haitian-Soursop · 2025-01-23T13:53:34+00:00

He feel like he gotta do that cause he paid for stuff for the date .. he’s deff a weirdo and a red flag

Amanda5Nicole · 2025-01-28T00:36:33+00:00

Important clarification. A boundary isn't just you saying I don't like that behaviour. A boundary is: I don't like that behaviour. If you x, I will y. Ex: I don't feel comfortable with kissing yet, I can let you know when I do. I know that you are and that's valid, I just have different values. You don't have to understand, but I'm asking you to respect that. If you don't respect that, I will end the date and go home.

Seems like you communicated your feelings, which is important, but there's gotta be action. If there's no follow through, the other people will just walk all over you.

Also the fact that he tried to minimize your feelings, he was listening to respond, not listening to understand you. 🚩🚩

AutoModerator · 2025-01-22T08:47:30+00:00

Title: Thoughts on kissing & touching on a first date

Author Consistent-Citron513

Full text: I (33f) had a date with a 30m. We've been talking via text/phone call for about a week and met for the first time earlier today.

By day 3 of talking on the phone, he was already calling me "baby" & "sweetheart". I wasn't comfortable with it and asked him to stop calling me "babe" & "sweetheart" because I felt like it was too soon. He said okay and hasn't done it again so far. Today, we had lunch, went to a game store, and to a lounge/coffee shop. The conversation was laid back & lighthearted. He paid for everything and opened doors, which is are two of my "checkpoints" for a gentleman. He also walked me to my car, which was another bonus. We had a great time & planned to see each other again when he is off next week. The only thing I thought was weird was that he was very touchy feely (cuddling, touching my hair, back, neck, hips, thigh) and kissed me several times. Not just pecking kisses, but tongue. I know there are some people who like & maybe want that on a first date, but I had mixed feelings. I have been in other serious relationships, but in the past, touching and kisses didn't start around the 2nd date & usually increased by 3rd date.

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CountTheBees · 2025-01-23T09:24:06+00:00

Generally, women date slightly older and men date slightly younger because men tend to want to settle down later in life than women do.

Have a read of these articles on Rules Revisited:

What Men Think About Older Women

Some Older Women are Smart

They're cynical but a good exposure to the way a lot of men think... Disclaimer: I had a chat to my partner about this and he said that not all men think older women are unsuitable for LTRs. But he's with me, 21 years younger than him...

Heavier questions which should probably come out before another pash session: does he want children, do you? If so, do your timelines for children match up? If he wants marriage, what age would he like to get married at? Is he dating seriously or for fun? (If he says "both" then it's not a good sign unless you enjoy a challenge!)

Title	Thoughts on kissing & touching on a first date
Author	Consistent-Citron513
Upvotes	11
Comments	40
Date	January 22, 2025 8:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1i76u68/thoughts_on_kissing_touching_on_a_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thoughts-on-kissing-touching-on-a-first-date.1541841 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541841

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