Will showering a woman friend with attention and getting mad at her for our friendship being one sided make her think I have an inexperienced dating life and a lack of experience with women?

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-02-13T12:27:53+00:00

Don’t shower anyone with attention and messages.

She told you she was overwhelmed and you didn’t listen so she had to tell you again.

She’s not concerned with your lack of experience. She’s concerned for her own safety.

creamerfam5 · 2025-02-13T05:18:48+00:00

Um, showering a woman with attention and getting mad that she doesn't reciprocate it will make her think you're entitled in the scary way. She will not so much be worrying about your experience in dating, but whether or not she's gonna end up on r/whenwomenrefuse.

Fine-Equivalent-6398 · 2025-02-13T12:20:58+00:00

Why are you showering another woman with attention, while you have a partner?

lethatshitgo · 2025-02-13T04:48:30+00:00

There’s a lot of good YouTube videos and books on the art of not giving a fuck, I think that’s actually a name for one of the books. I think you should really spend a lot of time looking into those ideologies. Caring what people think about you to this extent is exhausting.

As for bitterness towards women, I don’t really have an answer for that. I’m a woman, so I just don’t understand it. I’m assuming you’ve had a decent amount of bad experiences, but depending on how old you are, there’s no way you haven’t met a good woman. You said you have a partner, right? So you know that there’s people out there who are good. Lean into that, and you’ll keep attracting that.

As for your friend, it sounds like you have a lot of unhealthy attachments and projections going on here. I feel like I don’t have enough information, but I don’t fully understand why you’d be expressing anger towards them. If someone is not able to put more effort in, you can’t change that. There’s no point in putting even more effort in to try and fix that and then turn around and use it against them. Especially if you have a partner imo. If you notice an imbalance in a friendship, just pull away your energy. You don’t have to shower your friends in attention, some people literally don’t want that and it’ll make them pull away. Imagine that’s how she feels, and then on top of her feeling smothered, now you’re mad at her too because she can’t meet your expectations that she didn’t even know that you had.

Redpill ideology creates this idea that people think of others in these boxed in ways. That certain things point to certain feelings. At the end of the day, the truth is, most people care a lot less about you and what your doing than you think. And when you think about that, it really lifts a weight off your chest. Give yourself the freedom to not try so hard, to not have expectations for yourself and especially on how others are thinking and behaving. Let people be, and let yourself be. That’s the best advice I’ve got.

But seriously, check out some YouTube videos on these kinds of topics. I remember stumbling across a few gems that have helped me with my people pleasing issues.

Edit: I wanna add that critiquing modern day feminism is honestly very common and normal. I question it myself sometimes. But remembering the basics, like that women deserve equal treatment, we deserve to be seen as whole as a man. We deserve to vote, have access to USA’s rights and freedoms, we deserve to work, and we deserve to make our own financial and life choices. Remembering the basics of the original feminist movement, and if you agree with that, that’s how I’ve helped my own issues towards modern feminism. You have to figure out what your own values and beliefs are, or else you’re not even your own person. After I got out of my abusive relationship with a red pill man, creating a literal list of my values has helped me navigate life a lot.

treatment-resistant- · 2025-02-13T05:12:49+00:00

I get the impression you care about others' perception of you because you perceive those things in yourself and view them negatively. But I might be wrong - how do you perceive your life? Do you think you are inexperienced, unhappy or unsuccessful?

brahmidia · 2025-02-13T05:47:36+00:00

Look up "consent is like tea."

If you're freely giving someone positive attention or anything else, it has to be a gift freely given with no strings attached. Nobody wants to feel like they owe you something just because they acquiesced to your advances, that's weird and sucks. The r/WhenWomenRefuse link is a good one to check as well: not all attention is positive, a lot of it is unwanted.

bakewelltart20 · 2025-02-13T13:55:38+00:00

Why are you obsessing over a female friend if you have a family life and partner?

That behaviour isn't going to make her think 'inexperienced' it's going to make her think 'scary,' you come across as a potential threat. I'd be backing away from that sort of 'friendship' very fast.

I've have this happen with a male friend. He had told me that he wasn't attracted to me at all, I wasn't attracted to him, we were platonic friends for years. He had a girlfriend for much of that time.

This made it difficult to understand why he got so upset that I wasn't paying him 'enough' of the attention he obviously felt entitled to, for some unknown reason (?)

He was sending me lots of links re topics wholly irrelevant to me. I had told him that I knew nothing about the topics and wasn't interested in it, but he carried on sending them. When I didn't have a response to them he started ranting at me, calling me a bitch etc, before unfriending me.

I'm unlikely to bump into him in person now due to us both moving, which is good.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-02-13T18:12:12+00:00

You should not be showering anyone with attention, it's overwhelming and feels like a chore to pay attention to. Treating reciprocation like it's an obligation is offputting. It's not an economy thing and it's not a transaction. It's not about looking inexperienced with women: it's just plain offputting and projects red flags, and turns your text messages into a chore to read. You are turning yourself into more maintenance than you are worth. Do you have any friends that message you long annoying rants and 20+minute long YouTube videos of people ranting about BS, and expect you to pay attention to these? That's how it comes off if you shower someone with attention and treat them like they are obligated to respond with the same amount.

Also, look: these women are friends. Who cares what they think about your experience level? And even if you wanted to go out with them, you are projecting a needy controlling self instead of a partner.

manyseveral · 2025-02-13T18:22:48+00:00

It's weird that you'd be critical of feminism for this, since from your post it sounds like you are the issue. Not everyone has the mental energy to respond to messages all the time, even for friends, and from your description it sounds like you know you were being excessive since I love checking in with my family and while I was dating, my partner, but there's a limit as to how much as person might have the energy to handle. Either find friends who have desire to communicate with a similar frequency, or maybe get more friends so you can fulfil your social needs by speaking to multiple friends, without exhausting one person. Also if you don't want women to think you act like an incel, maybe don't act like one? You can be dating and still have the same weird values that lots of incels hold, especially the blaming feminsim part for you not being mindful that your friend was overwhelmed with the amount of messages and attention you were giving her. Maybe spend more of your time and attention on your family and partner too, I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

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