Just got the papers back

CrazySanta7 · 2025-05-06T15:57:14+00:00

Figure out your part on the marriage breakdown even if you think it's 100% her fault (cheating, etc). Work on those things. Healing takes months, if not years. If you are not doing it already, start physical exercise. In marriage, i stopped hanging with friends, stopped going to the gym as much, etc. I got lazy, plain, and simple.

Women....hmm. i found out hooking up with a bunch of women does not help much. Either does going out drinking like you are 21. I do not recommend either, at least not from a healing standpoint.

Don't get married again. A long-term relationship without government involvement? Maybe. If you get married, get a prenup (and not all are guaranteed). This is not about hating women. This is about protecting yourself. No way am i staring over for a 2nd time. In this modern age, social media (etc.) Have ruined relationships/marriage.

Get the support of some a few key people and i wish you good luck.

crager34 · 2025-05-06T15:41:05+00:00

NOW you can heal. It’s going to be even more of a roller coaster of emotions because the admin work is done. The heart and brain work is where the weeds are.

Did you like yourself before marriage? Find him again. If not, find a create your new self. It takes time. How much time differs per person but count on at least a month of recovery for every year of marriage. You will get there.

Reading posts here and participating is cathartic as well.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-05-06T15:12:57+00:00

Where do you want to be in 5 years? More importantly, WHO do you want to be?

It seems that most men I talk to coming off a divorce are focused on getting laid or finding a new relationship to instinctually fill that hole they feel. That should be secondary to identifying and pursuing your purpose, to building a band of brothers around you, and to becoming a physically and emotionally healthy human. That all has to come first so you know what kind of woman fits into that life.

For more info on this, I highly recommend a book called Gatekeepers by psychologist Shawn Smith.

FUMoney · 2025-05-06T15:08:19+00:00

Never get married again. That will be an enormous improvement.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2025-05-06T14:26:48+00:00

This is something I tell every divorced guy I meet, and it's advice that it tough for some to swallow. As you're looking to improve yourself, the one thing you should consider is what role you played in the failure of the marriage. No matter how small, evaluate how you contributed to the failure, then work on that in your own life so that you don't make that mistake again.

Title	Just got the papers back
Author	Longjumping-Tea7222
Upvotes	13
Comments	10
Date	May 6, 2025 2:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kg5mkf/just_got_the_papers_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-got-the-papers-back.1551597 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551597

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