Hey all

So, a couple of weeks ago my wife left me by text message. We'd had an argument and she wanted some space (which I gave her), then text me to say she didn't want to continue in our marriage anymore. Unfortunately no talking or suggestions of couples therapy helped - she said when we had conflict, she didn't feel emotionally safe or respected as she felt I reacted defensively and it made her own response to be one of arguing back herself, or feeling like she had to back down. She said she'd warned me several times, but she had to leave to be her best person.

I've been really, really struggling with the feelings of betrayal of her leaving - we were together a decade and married for 5 years. I'd supported her through her depression and dealing with her narcissistic parents and I felt that when it got difficult in our relationship here, she didn't give that support back. She said to me she'd mentioned it several times over the years, but it was always in the middle of arguments. In texts I'd get things like 'I'm so happy in our relationship' and 'we've come such a long way in our communication this year, I'm so thankful and proud'. It has confused the heck out of me. One of the things she said I did was control her - things like asking her to say 'love you' when we went to sleep, I had to justify to her why she should say it back to me. She took that as me trying to control her - but to me, those are just compromises you make in a relationship....AMIA here?

Honestly, I feel like my life has flipped in a single day - it went from (what I thought was happily...) married, trying for a baby, to 'I want a divorce, no therapy, no trying, I've warned you in the past'. I'm aware I am defensive in arguments and it's something I'm going/trying to work on but my therapist I'm seeing said everyone is to a certain extent and it takes two to communicate effectively. Honestly, I feel absolutely gutted and I'm alternating between feeling sick to the very depths of my stomach and so angry that this is happening with someone I thought I'd be spending my life with.

The biggest issue I have is the feeling of the loss of my entire life. I don't have many friends at all, and my life with her was what I thought was perfect - she was my person (my best friend) and I was hers, she was the single person who made me happy, where we shared the same life vision, spare time ideals, ways to relax, everything. I thought that was reciprocated too, maybe it was, but I'm having a real struggle to envision what life will be like now. I'm not a 'manly man', I wanted a simple life doing things like birdwatching, going for walks and making nice food rather than going for meals. I thought I'd found the perfect person to share that with, but the thought of doing those things alone for the rest of my life fills me with sadness.

I know it's about trying to keep busy etc but I'm really struggling day to day...I don't quite know what to do. I work from home so the loneliness is quite bad, too, plus my family live a long way away! I try to go and play football but honestly, I feel empty when I'm there, like I'm just pretending to be a 'normal' human and I can't wait to get home and just be alone and unhappy again...