Hoo boy. About two months ago STBX declared she wanted a separation, possible divorce. Lotta gaslighting, emotional abuse towards me. Read her journal and there was an emotional affair. Offered reconciliation 5x, she tanked her credit so I signed a 3 month lease. AP flew out on a one way ticket and moved in two weeks into that.

Thanks to social support, lots of reading, and therapy I’m in a good place. Ready to move on. I’ve financially separated us, turned to grey rock communication, stopped supporting her. I’m living and working on the marital home, working out and building muscle, still working, and I’m 5 months from my masters degree. This isn’t the life I chose but gosh darn it, I’m making the best of it for me and my kids.

Right now the kids stay with her and AP while I work and they sleep over Mondays and every other Thursday as I either work until 6, or have school until 6. Rest of the time the kids sleep and wake up in the marital home and I get them all weekend. Neither STBX nor AP are working. I estimate they’ll be broke in a month or so.

Kids told me tonight that she introduced AP to her family and are talking about moving over an hour away of state to grab her late grandparents house, which presumably would be gifted to her. I’ve been waiting for her to file as this all only went down less than 2 months ago, she’s been involved with him maybe 5 or 6 months. I’ve felt pretty strongly that it’s her responsibility to dissolve this as it’s been entirely her choices that have brought us here.

Im in a true no fault state. Previously consulted with two family attorneys and they both told me the same. Expect 50/50 custody, child support to equalize household income, and split all assets. Her moving out of the area has to change that, right? We really don’t have much money left, but I know I can afford all the bills and probably childcare moving forward based on my income.

Question is, do I need to file now? File after she moves out of state? Ideally I’d like to gain as much custody as I can. I’m in a true no fault divorce state, and ideally she would just leave the area and I could raise my kids myself.