People do not abandon the people they love.

When someone leaves and you are in shock, lost, confused and trying to find closure. Know this to be the truth, the facts. If you’re wife left and didn’t choose to work through her issues with you or share with you how she felt to try to make things better. She was using you.

For context, men do this too. Think about this when we see it in others. Its sometimes easier to pick up, because we rarely give them the opportunity to toy with our emotions and there is less of a connection and loyalty to most.

Apart from this, somewhere along the way we learned that giving in and not respecting ourselves/ boundaries, allowing the closest to us to use us was/is how our idea of “love” was earned.

Therefore, we build our relationship with others on self abandonment and begin to lose respect for ourselves. Others can perceive this, consciously or subconsciously. Like a wounded seal, we can become a toy that is easily manipulated, used, abused.

This isn’t only life, it’s nature. Our lack of self awareness and respect has allowed others. And, in this case, our SO to leave us in a state of confusion.

When/if we wake up, we realize that it was our lack of self love and compassion that caused us to self abandon all along. So, what’s the solution? It’s you. Only your ability, or lack of to address the core issues can solve this. Spending time alone and journaling every day will help in more ways than you can imagine. Yes, therapy helps and yes, community does too. But, nothing is a substitute for self care and self worth.

I’ll end it with this:

People abandon people they are using.

Don’t abandon yourself.