Starting divorce proceedings, need advice

Karate_Andii · 2026-02-20T13:24:20+00:00

I went through a divorce with a young kid and no money for a lawyer at first, so I reached out to legal aid services in my state which helped me file a response to the temporary order for free. That bought me time to stay in the house while we worked out details amicably. Look up what to expect when hiring a divorce lawyer through low-cost clinics; it clarified the process and protected my rights without breaking the bank.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2025-09-06T02:37:40+00:00

Just realize all women are capable of going bat shit crazy for no reason at any time.

Do not under any circumstances lay a finger on her. If she attacks you physically, let her beat you up. You should only protect yourself and fight back if you feel like she is going to break one of your bones or kill you.

SirLawnsALot · 2025-09-03T02:52:03+00:00

Things to do immediately

Take videos and pictures of the house, inside and out.

Change information to EVERY single account. This will take several passes. You need to be thorough as hell. Lock her out of funds that are yours. Don't forget to clear out digital wallets. Don't steal from her but don't let her have access to your $/information.

Take any valuables (guns gold jewelry cash heirlooms) and hide them at friends/relatives houses. Don't move out.

Stop having sex with her. Don't be in the same room as her. Don't talk unless it's directly about kids. Look up Grey rock, yellow rock, and BIFF communication methods. If she gets "heated" record immediately. Record and save all heated interactions.

Start journaling and documenting everything.

Get clean. She will use anything against you.

STFU. Hit the gym.

Expect a silver bullet divorce. Expect accusations of sexual or physical violence. Filing first, documenting and recording interactions may save your ass. Know that she will lie cheat manipulate ad nauseum and the courts won't care.

Unless she's beating the children while a cop watches or the kids are in the car for a DUI, she won't lose her parental rights or suffer true consequences. On the flip side, you will be heavily scrutinized and pay out the rear for every sneeze during this process.

Start taking over activities for the kids. Be present. Be at doctor's and school appointments. Be super dad. Don't bad mouth her in front of the kids and ignore when she does it about you. This always bites the disparaging party in the ass .

Fight (through your lawyer) for your 50/50 and don't give in.

Good luck.

(This is c&p from myself in another similar post)

bluephotoshop · 2025-09-02T22:59:28+00:00

Or you can just STOP paying the mortgage. Make her cover it. Like others here say, go cold turkey with her. Don’t discuss anything with her except your 5 year old. And get a lawyer!

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-09-02T15:10:04+00:00

What’s interesting is that most days were cool. She leans on me for things we talk we eat together. We go on errands together still.

You're walking a fine line of being taken advantage of and also having to put up and act so she doesn't go crazy here.

Can you get a line of credit for a lawyer? Even one, at the end, to look over what you're going to sign? You MUST run it past someone because people bake in all sorts of BS when someone doesnt have a lawyer and it screws you later on.

Another thing is that she doesn’t want to sell the house until March, which means I would technically still have to pay half the mortgage and that means I wouldn’t be able to pay for rent so I would be couch surfing for a while. I don’t want that. I know I could technically not pay the mortgage, but that’s just gonna screw her over and obviously our credit.

You're still thinking like a married person and she is 100% taking advantage of that. Wake up. She filed for divorce which means she does not want to be married. She cannot keep the part where you do all the lifting fiscally and you're out of her life.

What she wants ends at not being married. The expectation you leave, pay for everything, and are ok with it is asinine. She cannot have it both ways.

Either you BOTH pay for the house (as she gets half the equity) or you fast track selling it NOW so you can both move on. Do not do what is best for her, only what is best for you and your kid.

Simple-Town5250 · 2025-09-02T11:41:18+00:00

Man that’s rough. I’d stop hanging out with her like things are normal because that just makes it messier for you. Those temporary orders are serious so you really need some legal help, even if it’s just legal aid or a free clinic. Keep everything calm and focused on your son, don’t miss your time with him, and start figuring out your housing now so you’re not stuck later. You’re not crazy for wanting it to be amicable, but protect yourself first.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-09-02T08:10:40+00:00

You could be a victim of a strategy called a "silver bullet" divorce. This is where one party uses a single event, like a bad argument, to file a court order to gain an immediate and powerful advantage, such as getting sole possession of the house. BE CAREFUL it can get WORSE !! Clik on link above to anticipate next steps & way to protect you
-Once you're out, she becomes the primary caregiver by default. You're suddenly the "weekend dad." or "walking purse" & asking for50/50custody will be difficult.
- Her 👹lawyer might tell her to drag this divorce out for years for Free housing and financial support
- Worst case: You pay for a house while she brings in the new BF (real example: Sarah Jane parkinson bring home his BF with his 3 kids)

STOP taking legal or financial advice from her

You said "No alimony no spousal support no child support. 50-50 custody." the "no child support" part is a major red flag.In virtually every state, child support is a right of the child---> IT IS A LIE!!!! and if not, she can ask it at any point in time in the future.

The Financial Lockdown This is the most critical financial advice and can save you tens of thousands of dollars. The moment you are physically separated, you must act swiftly.

Split Your Income: Reroute your direct deposit to a new, individual bank account in your name only.
Order all 3 Credit reports on yourself (Experian, Equifax, TransUnion) for free from this link and freeze your credit so no new loans can be opened in your name
Freeze Joint Accounts: freeze all joint checking, savings, and credit accounts. This prevents your ex from draining savings or running up new debt in your name. Or If large joint balances exist, talk to your bank today about placing a 2-signature requirement
Before leaving: create a video/pic tour of the house in case she steal/hide expensive stuff in her new place take whatever you CANT accept to lose bc u never know when u could come back IF you could come back...

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You did not got one but close one but highly recommend following it: Protective Order, the Big Test

Communication & Documentation In a high-conflict divorce, every word you speak or write can and will be used against you. From the moment separation is on the table, all direct, casual communication must cease..... NEXT HERE

Stay 10feet away from her and NEVER be alone with her in private.Bring a witiness when u need to see her or hidden record at least

URGENT! Locate the temporary order and the divorce petition. Find the deadlines. !!!
You need to tell tjhe judge: "You need to tell the judge: " am willing to continue paying my share of the mortgage, but to do so, I must remain in the home. The alternative is for the home to be sold now, or for my wife, who will have exclusive use, to cover the payments."

About the order to leave the hous CANT ignore it. You need to respond before the deadline. Tell the court you can’t afford to pay half the mortgage *&*rent somewhere else, it would leave you homeless.

Since you can’t get a lawyer, start with Legal Aid or the family law facilitator at the courthouse. If that’s a dead end, look at online legal servicesn they’re not perfect, but way better than going in blind. Remember, this isn’t a marital argument anymore, it’s a legal fight, and you need to use every tool you can.
Get a AI subscription: 20/30$ a month(chatgpt or grok pro version). It will help you a lot to explain any paper you received or do thing yourself, bc anyway u cant afford an attorney or just very sparly.

Title	Starting divorce proceedings, need advice
Author	mipalamb88
Upvotes	8
Comments	11
Date	September 2, 2025 3:42 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n69c0f/starting_divorce_proceedings_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/starting-divorce-proceedings-need-advice.1561064 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561064

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Communication & Documentation In a high-conflict divorce, every word you speak or write can and will be used against you. From the moment separation is on the table, all direct, casual communication must cease..... NEXT HERE