What are the biggest mistakes most men make in their first year of marriage?

Praexology · 2025-09-08T18:36:45+00:00

Allowing your wife's discomfort/boredom to prevent you from doing things that are important. She's isn't right simply because she's upset.

tropicsGold · 2025-09-10T03:53:30+00:00

You are going to make lots of mistakes that hurt her feelings just because you are a clueless new husband who doesn’t know any better.

Counteract that by over achieving on everything else. Take good care of her. Take her on romantic dates. Be the best husband she could ever dream of.

DarthBroker · 2025-09-08T11:50:54+00:00

Not married (in LTR), but know people who are. From what I see, the war of attrition against your desires versus hers. Everything starts out fine and then over time, the guys concede everything to what the wife wants. As I’ve been told, it’s just “easier” to let her have what she wants. You have to make sure that you are getting what you want/need out of the relationship and say no sometimes.

acbagel · 2025-09-08T14:36:26+00:00

You will still want to focus on yourself too much, especially with time, routine, hobbies etc. It's painful to die to yourself. You will have to rely on God to change your desires. Doubly so when children come into the picture and NUKE your time and energy. There will be pain points and tension through each stage, be patient with your spouse and with yourself. You will set expectations for them too that they won't be able to live up to because they're going through the some pain of molding to being one body as you are.

But I assure you, NOTHING in life will sanctify you more than marriage and children. I am 8 years married now with 4 kids (plus two more with the Lord) and I am unrecognizable to myself (in a good way) compared to how I used to think and behave. You will grow in ways you never thought possible and never imagined. You will feel guilty when you fail, and humbled when you succeed.

I wish you the best brother! May God bring you joy everlasting as you emulate Christ to the world by dying to yourself and loving your wife.

DonnieWearsVelvet · 2025-09-08T14:18:39+00:00

You have a massive opportunity - many guys come here to course correct after a decade or two of drifting in the wrong direction… way more effort to fix. Prevention is better than cure.

Here’s what I’d do in your position: work on myself more than my wife does (physical, mental, spiritual) Realise the state of my marriage depends 100% on me Learn to pass frame tests (I’m guessing these have been minimal so far). Set the tone in the bedroom… if it’s not satisfactory realise it’s on you to fix. Read all the sidebar materials . Realise female emotions aren’t the truth - it’s what they feel at the time. Have a life aside from your wife… gym, hobbies, friends. Don’t be lazy in the home… have high standards for cleanliness, chores, food, etc. Be a fun person at home. Don’t overshare your emotions.

Most of this is in the Sidebar anyway… read and internalise

Proper_Screen · 2025-09-11T17:07:22+00:00

If you haven't learned to STFU, do it quick.

I can be pretty sarcastic and teasing. My first year of marriage I hadn't learned yet what's okay to tease about and what isn't. By now I'm much better at knowing what's okay and what isn't okay, but until then it's best to STFU.

I can also be very passive-aggressive. Women are *super* sensitive to that. If you want to be a "I say what I mean and I mean what I say" kind of guy then any kind of passive-aggressive BS must be eliminated.

Save the drama for things that matter. Don't create unnecessary drama because you didn't STFU and said something dumb.

steadfastkingdom · 2025-09-08T13:21:41+00:00

Sidebar

Nodeal_reddit · 2025-09-08T12:45:06+00:00

The first year of marriage is all about setting expectations. My advice: fail early and fail often. Her expectations will be so low that you will be able to delight her later on without even trying.

/s

WanderingWombat_ · 2025-09-09T17:37:11+00:00

Read "The Great Sex Rescue" by Sheila Gregorie to learn about how abysmal female sexual pleasure rates are in Christian marriages and how insanely high female sexual pain rates are—then learn how to not add your wife to those statistics. You are gaining an ezer kenegdo, a "fitting ally" when properly translated, not a sex doll that also does dishes. 1 Corinthians 7 says that your bodies belong to each other, that mean she has just as much right to say "don't to that to my body with your body" as you do to say "do this to my body with your body".

Speaking of dishes, make sure you guys are on the same page about how you will create a household together. If you're wife is also earning a wage (as the proverbs 31 woman did!) then she shouldn't be expected to do 100% of the homemaking alone too. That's a quick path to burnout and resentment and, importantly, it's not loving your wife like Christ loves the church.

Also, find some men with genuinely happy wives and learn from the both of them. Don't just take advice from redpill bros online. Finally, Check in with your wife regularly, leading conversations in which you can both express the things you love about each other and the marriage and ways in which the other can better show love to you.

Positive-War3957 · 2025-09-11T15:19:27+00:00

Don’t forget yourself and remember, if you make your spouse a celebrity, she will consider you a fan

masturkiller · 2025-09-08T14:10:11+00:00

The first year of marriage is not a time to go back to old habits. Please go out of your way to do things for your partner, be consistent, and take on your share of responsibilities. If she cooks, you wash the dishes, or vice versa. Take out the trash and clean up when she is not around. Fix things, etc.

theamazingswayze · 2025-09-10T15:06:50+00:00

Don’t do it

Title	What are the biggest mistakes most men make in their first year of marriage?
Author	Brodienotcody
Upvotes	15
Comments	15
Date	September 8, 2025 10:31 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/1nbk5cv/what_are_the_biggest_mistakes_most_men_make_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/what-are-the-biggest-mistakes-most-men-make-in.1561543 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561543

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