I hope it is ok that I'm posting here not as a divorcee, but the partner of one. I read the rules and saw nothing against this.

So, I'm dating a man who is separated (3 yrs), soon to be divorced. He has told me things about his previous marriage that make my head spin. Yes, I'm getting one side of the story. But given the fact that most of this his ex-wife's children went no contact with her, I'd say that speaks to her character.

First off, she is a textbook Narcissist. She is obsessed with self-image and thinks she is above everyone. The rules don't apply to her. The works. This all ultimately comes from trauma and insecurity, but she has done nothing to seek help. She refuses to believe she has any sort of problem and doesn't care about hurting others.

She abused her ex-husband (my partner) emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, and any other way you can think of. She took all his revenue from his small business and disallowed him from paying taxes. He was also not allowed any input when it came to parenting. She isolated him from all family and friends to the point he had no escape from her. Both due to the fact that she took all his money and put it in her personal bank account, and he would have no one to stay with if he left.

She is a teacher, but is also employed to house and care for 2 special needs adults. Despite her name being on the paperwork, much of the work fell on my partner's shoulders. He would constantly have to cut his work hours short to take them to Dr's appointments, etc. He would then be chastised for not bringing in enough money from his ACTUAL job. He was also disallowed from seeking any employment that might be more lucrative because then he couldn't be flexible enough to drive the 2 men to their appointments.

To make matters worse, she steals money from the 2 disabled adults without their knowledge when funds are low. She took several thousands from their bank accounts to put a down payment on a house. Given they were never able to afford the house to begin with, this manufactured a lot of money problems. She still takes money from them.

Their 2 adult children (in their 30s) live at home, but were not required to contribute financially at all. They had many arguments about this. Their son does not work, claiming he has PTSD from being fired from a previous job. Both children are shut-ins and also rarely contribute to household chores.

She treats their son more like a spouse than she ever did her ex-husband. She would never discuss financial matters with him, but would with their son, for example. There is also an inappropriate closeness/enmeshment. For whatever reason, at age 34, her son wears diapers. Essentially she allows her 34 year old son to stay at home playing video games all day while he pisses and shits into a diaper.

When her ex-husband (my partner) brought up divorce the first time, she convinced him to give it 6 months so they could try counselling. He went along with it, just hoping he could save money to leave during that time. They then never went to counseling because she declared it a waste of time. He left about 3 months later.

She was extremely uncharitable during the separation. She had left him with a hefty tax debt and initially promised to pay it in the separation. She welched on that, and settled on giving him only ⅓ of the amount owing. Meanwhile she lives in a million dollar home. Obviously my partner was not able to hire a lawyer, so she had her own lawyer type up a separation agreement that stipulated neither of them could come after the other for anything. Which she felt was "fair." Yeah, hardly.

She still has some of his belongings, like family heirlooms, and refuses to give them up. Any contact he tries to make to retrieve these items is ignored or rejected. Obviously, she will have to speak with him at some point to settle the divorce. He's hopeful he will be able to hire a lawyer because he has a MUCH better job now. I hope so too, but in a sense he's still having to play catch-up because of the tax debt she left him with.

Well, that's most of the story. I guess I just wanted to vent. Sometimes I feel like ripping my hair out because I can't believe someone could be this terrible. If any of this sounds made up, I promise it isn't, I've seen proof.

I'd also appreciate advice from men who were in abusive marriages on how to support my partner. I can see how this has effected him. He is great and we're very in love, and he tells me his life with me is so, so much better. I feel very sad that someone so amazing was treated this way and forced to hide his personality.