Hey Brothers,

I've been following this sub for a good portion of my divorce and it helped me so much during 1.5+ years of nightmare hell. I would tell people "The guys in my support group say..." or "Lawyer, so and so happened to a couple guys in my support group..." Being a little more prepared with knowledge was truly helpful so I wanted to say thanks and provide some suggestions to help others.

My situation was SAHM, bunch of kids, mid-long term marriage, she was treating the kids and me horribly for years, and then went silver bullet demanding everything. The worst part was that she alienated the kids against me.

My whole life savings got obliterated on lawyers and I had saved that up one quarter and one dollar at a time. She had much lower legal fees and didn't go through any stress or inconvenience. There was basically no justice - she got away with everything and no official would investigate or hold her responsible for anything. I thought the years of detailed journals I kept would help, but didn't appear to matter at all.

On the plus side, I got lucky with a good judge who called BS on the injunction (3 month+ ex parte). That was the first big win. The second big win was the GAL she demanded. When the report said everything State standard, she finally had her come to jesus moment. We negotiated a settlement right before trial for the 50/50 I suggested since the beginning. (Before the divorce proceedings started I suggested we just be the best coparents possible despite our failed marriage, and not lose our life savings on lawyers. She decided to be a jerk and $100k+ went from our poor family to some well-to-do lawyers.)

One of the biggest things was the trial date. I think my lawyer wasn't on it and I had to wait like a year for trial due to the backlog, enduring a damn injunction because of it. Make sure your damn lawyer pushes hard to set a trial date as quick as possible. I would actually bring that up in the initial interview and get them to commit. Trial date is important for various reasons, but some big ones are that it stops the legal action, is the biggest incentive for mediating, and prevents extra BS.

A few other tips: 1) Until your ex and their lawyer realizes they aren't gonna win everything, they are gonna throw shit offers your way. Your lawyer may try to shine it up. Make sure you stick to your initial goals and say no if you legit haven't done anything wrong. 2) There's alot of talk on here about not moving out prematurely. While there is merit to that, it can work against you if she keeps trying to get you arrested or if she is purposely trying to destroy your life to get you to move out. Each case is different, but I probably would have benefitted from moving out sooner. 3) Reach out for support - get your free emergency therapy sessions from work, mention your divorce to your coworkers if you have no other support system - bunch of divorced coworkers were there for me, and lean on your friends and family if you are having a really tough time.

Now that I am officially divorced it looks all worth it and I'm much happier. I am living in a safe place with no negativity. My kids are starting to figure things out and are excited about coming over and spending time with me. I do whatever I want in my free time. My finances might be better than when I was married. I'm making friends and just got a couple matches on dating app that look like really cool chicks. I lost extra weight, got more fit, and everything just seems to be getting better all the time. If I can do it, you can too!