Men Aren’t Afraid of Opening Up. They’re Afraid of Consequences.

63daddy · 2026-02-04T16:25:14+00:00

I think more accurately: Men are afraid of opening up because of the consequences.

I remember hearing a recorded conversation of a man who was a victim of domestic violence calling a hotline and being told if the police showed up he would be the one arrested.

I’ve seen college men report harassment or assaulted committed by a woman, only to have the woman accuse him in response, she of course being the one to be believed, the male victim now the one facing possible expulsion from college.

When a man speaks up about violence he’s received, the response is often that he must have done something to deserve it.

Women often tell men they should be less stoic and more emotional, but are then called unmanly for doing so.

People act on incentive. Men have learned that opening up often isn’t in their self interest so they don’t. If we want men to open up more, we need to discourage the negative implications for doing so. Given feminist disinformation efforts and a gynocentric culture, that won’t be easy.

brainhack3r · 2026-02-04T17:39:06+00:00

My ex said that she found it disturbing that when something bad happens, I don't cry.

Because of the fact that I don't show emotions when something bad happens, it kind of makes her scared of me, and she says she thinks I'm kind of a psychopath.

Anyway, flash forward a couple years and our dog actually ate some of my Adderall. My bag was on the floor, and he just kind of broke into it. The next thing you know, he'd started chewing some pills.

I thought he was gonna die, and we rushed him to the vet. It turns out he was just fine.

But I was really busted up about it. I thought I killed my dog, and I started crying and I got really emotional.

She broke up with me over it. She said it made me look weak, and she needs a strong man that can protect her.

We were having problems anyway, so I just agreed and moved on. But this is the kind of insanity we deal with. Don't take advice from women on how to be a man. Just be a man.

Pepsimax88 · 2026-02-04T17:07:26+00:00

I don't open up anymore as its used as a weapon/insult against me the next time there is any kind argument.

Or its gossipped about to her other friends.

Dont know which is worse, both such a massive betrayal

tweak8 · 2026-02-04T16:22:22+00:00

It's not quantifiable, but in our culture, men are held to standards and responsibility to what they say or do at a much higher standard. You'll see many more men claw down and lock up or get nervous than women, because they don't get the free pass for mistakes. This amplifies to situations where they never got negative feedback, but start to think the standard they are judged carries to everything, which is kind of does.

Not only that but you can be a social pariah in ways women never can. If a woman is dumb, makes mistakes, or shy, men or other women will consider it cute. Men are supposed to fill up so many characteristics of perfection that women really can just brush off.

It's pretty wild how many men dive into these books to analyze ways and methods down to a science almost, yet are considered "low emotional IQ", yet women never have to do this and seem to glide around any social situation and there are basically no self-help books for it. Tolerance for social errors is just a tight rope used to keep men controlled. You'll see the same emotions across genders, yet it's only men's emotions that drag out any consequences for it.

Likewise, you'll see the top 1% men not give a shit about looking deeper into what they should do. It comes down to perception. You perceive this woman above yourself so in your head you are trying to make everything perfect when you come across, perhaps this likely carries towards holding emotional suppression because you are fighting an uphill battle trying to sway an opinion made up already. Yet this goes away when you're talking to some girl who is unattractive to you.

Women make their judgments based on immediate interactions and, just by you trying too hard signals to them they are above you. They are designed to filter men. Try and fix whatever makes you insecure the best you can before going into the dating pool. Is it money? Save up and work to a job you can speak and feel like it's worth something. If it's your looks, work out, skincare, clothing, hair styling. For me, the emotional reservation came after the insecurity. Really any girl that is going to change their mind with the smallest issue was never going to care about you in the long run, just that's their excuse to trade up. Whenever the guy they actually want comes around, they'll accept him no matter how much worse he is that you think you need to improve.

Capital-Box164 · 2026-02-04T18:32:05+00:00

I opened up and got gaslit with how I should go to therapy and how I need to change myself. Now I rot on reddit.

Blazerhawk · 2026-02-04T20:18:18+00:00

I agree with a lot of this. Emotional repression doesn't happen in a vacuum. It happens over time. One thing I would consider is that it is often learned well before a boy reaches their teenage years. It's learned in elementary school where teachers often just treat boys as problems to be solved.

HardlyManly · 2026-02-04T15:20:19+00:00

Hello everyone.

So, I recently started writing articles on Men's mental health. I wrote this one in particular after working with (and reading) a lot of men’s stories where the pain is real, but the conclusions can drift into places that ultimately make things worse. My goal wasn’t to tell men they’re “right” or “wrong,” but to walk that fine line between validating emotional experience and not validating harmful narratives that can grow out of it.

I’ve also worked with groups and colleagues (I'm a therapist) who genuinely wanted to engage men in healthier ways, but often fell into leading with guilt, moral pressure, or behavior correction without first acknowledging what men were actually feeling. I saw that over time, many men simply disengaged from those spaces, often saying things like “I guess I’m the bad guy just because I’m a man” or “I’m not going to be lectured for an hour every week like a kid.” Regardless of whether those reactions were fully accurate, the outcome was the same: withdrawal, resentment, or silence.

What I’ve seen again and again is that if we skip validation and jump straight to correction, accountability, or “here’s what you should think instead,” nothing really changes. The emotions just go underground and resurface elsewhere, often in more polarized or dangerous narratives. For me, healthy change starts with taking men’s emotional reality seriously, without letting that pain harden into stories that hurt them or others. I’m curious how others here think about navigating that balance, both personally and when engaging other men.

PracticalSock5373 · 2026-02-05T00:23:35+00:00

Yes, women often THINK they want a man to open up, but in far too many cases they prove afterward to be unable to handle it maturely, or to handle it responsibly either.

Unfortunately, if men do open up, there are typically only four possible outcomes, but only one of them is good while the other three usually lead to the end of the relationship.

So, with only one possible "good" outcome out of the four, and three "bad" ones, it's no wonder many men are so reticent to actually do it, to truly open up and reveal their deeply held feelings to a woman they love.

The four common outcomes are as follows:

Outcome 1) She's a very emotionally mature person and his revealing his doubts, weaknesses, fears, etc. actually brings them closer. This is the result we all wish for but don't often count on. This us the only good outcome...and the rarest.

Outcome 2) Her fantasy of him as ultimately strong, confident, sure of himself, courageous, etc. is shattered by discovering men have all the same doubts, fears, weaknesses, etc. just like she does, and she now sees him as less masculine, losing her attraction for him in the process. And once she no longer finds him attractive, the relationship changes and it's then only a matter of time before it eventually ends for good. She was really in love with her fantasy of him, not the REAL him. Once she knows he's not the fantasy which she "really" loves (a man who doesn't a actually exist), and that the true him is really someone else entirely, she doesn't feel the same anymore for the REAL HIM. HE'S not the fantasy she's in love with but a only real person. I can't tell you how many times I've seen women lose their attraction for their husband/boyfriend once he's finally opened up emotionally and revealed himself to her. And it's really heartbreaking to see.

Outcome 3) She learns his weaknesses and is still attracted, but when she's angry she then uses what he revealed to her against him to really, truly, deeply hurt him. To a man this is the equivalent of if a woman has always trusted a man to protect her and he suddenly attacks her unexpectedly with violence during a disagreement. Once attacked, she will never look at him the same way again, never truly trust him to always protect her, but now sees him as another possible attacker. When a woman who a man trusts not to be a threat to him attacks him brutally (and attacks him exactly where she knows she will do the MOST SEVERE DAMAGE), his trust in her is then utterly broken, he realizes that opening up to her is merely ARMING HER AGAINST HIM for the future, and can never trust her with his true feelings ever again. She's already PROVEN that! So, he emotionally closes up to her...and for good. She is now a THREAT in his eyes. Once he loses his trust in her and sees her as a threat, it's only a matter of time before he moves on from a woman he can never trust and must always be cautious to protect himself against.

Outcome 4) She takes what he told her in strict confidence, expecting it to remain always only between them, and shares it with her friends. Once more, he feels utterly betrayed by her. He has revealed his fragility, his weaknesses, doubts, and greatest fears with a person he trusts to be protective of his emotions, and never to arm other people outside the relationship with his weaknesses, to give strangers ammunition that can be used against him to inflict REAL EMOTIONAL DAMAGE. He shared closely kept SECRETS with her, trusted her with them, and she spread them to people way outside of his trust. He knows he can never trust her with his feelings ever again. And once again, the relationship's days become numbered.

If outcomes 2, 3, or 4 have happened to him in the past, he'll usually never risk taking THAT chance again. And outcomes 2, 3, and 4 have happened to PLENTY of men.

The saddest part in such cases is that after it's gone badly once before, the more he loves a woman, the more he treasures her, the least likely he'll be to take the chance of losing her too by opening up ever again. If he REALLY, REALLY loves her, he may NEVER risk it!

Once men learn how terrible the repercussions of opening up to a woman they love can be (three in four chances of ending things badly between them for good), the more likely they'll keep their emotions hidden.

I don't think a lot of women are truly prepared to really learn that men (especially THEIR OWN man) feel everything they feel, for women to have their sometimes astoundingly unrealistic fantasy about what men are, about them being these strong, silent, powerful, fearless beings who are always sure of themselves, who are never subject to all of the negative emotions, fears, doubts, indecision, etc. that they are. Many aren't prepared to have this imaginary image they see revealed to be nothing but a pure fantasy.

And few women understand the grave responsibility that goes with asking a man to open up emotionally to her. Or the perils of ending their relationship if she's not going to respond in the manner of a deeply nature adult. Most don't truly understand that if they're not going to react with outcome 1, they will respond on a way which will end their relationship.

When a woman assures a man that he can trust her, REALLY TRUST her with revealing his true emotions to her (and make no mistake, unless a man has been led to believe he CAN TRULY trust her, he'll never open up), and she then breaks that sacred trust, there's no going back. Not ever.

So, if any women reading this THINKS she wants a man she loves to open up to her, she needs to consider whether she's actually, really, truly 100% certain that she's honestly up to the very deep responsibility she'll need to live up to after he's done so, and that she isn't merely in love with a pure fantasy she's conjured up in her mind. Like the line in the movie, "You want the truth? You're not READY FOR THE TRUTH!" She needs to be sure the line doesn't describe her. If she's not ready, not up to the task, and she pushes him to open up to her, then responds with outcomes 2-4, what sadly will happen afterward is ultimately her doing.

persistent_issues · 2026-02-04T16:59:40+00:00

The key is not to open up but to strategically arrange witnesses. During a particularly rough patch with an ex, I was chastised by a lady friend for being distant and reserved with my ex. I tried to explain that I was protecting myself from violence and she just scoffed and belittled me for such an absurd accusation. Later my ex rushed up on me from behind, jumped on my back and started fist pounding me in the head. I did nothing so as not to hurt her. My lady friend pulled my ex off me, apologized for not believing me, but then stopped hanging out with us altogether. The embarrassment of finally loosing her shit in public for a change caused my ex to mend her ways and she never laid a hand on me again. The reason my ex was so violent was because she resented the fact that I was constantly being hit on even though I dutifully rebuffed all advances and was loyal…but I guess I was a bit to humorous about it all.

We split a long time later for completely different reasons though.

Interesting2u · 2026-02-05T07:09:38+00:00

She doesn't want a man. She wants a puppet and wants to pull the strings in your relationship.

JohnTumbleweed · 2026-02-05T09:14:13+00:00

This comes to speaking up for ourselves too. In work environments, women have been extremely rude to me in meetings and no one say anything. But if I spoke up it'd turn into whoa whoa whoa like I was the problem.

I had this exec who would be petty and passive aggressive in meetings toward me. Just absolutely waste time making snide comments every chance she could. I'd just keep it moving because I knew if I spoke up - only I'd be looked at negatively and everyone else was pretending like it wasn't happening.

In one meeting, she started taking over me and continued to speak at the exact same time as me until i just stopped and she continued talking. I just excused myself from the meeting and told them they had it under control. And I actually got asked, "What was your problem in the meeting?"

My only recourse was to send an anonymous complaint to our CEO and CC the head of HR. I kept it non specific. I explained how she was wasting time in meetings making snide passive aggressive comments. He behavior has improved dramatically.

But it's insane we can't just speak up for ourselves when women are involved.

UWontHearMeAnyway · 2026-02-05T02:26:20+00:00

That's the same thing... if you're afraid of consequences of doing that, then you are afraid of that. I'm afraid of heights. I'm afraid of falling to my death. Same thing.

But, I also add: what's wrong with that? Nothing

Title	Men Aren’t Afraid of Opening Up. They’re Afraid of Consequences.
Author	HardlyManly
Upvotes	382
Comments	36
Date	February 4, 2026 3:19 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1qvrb9k/men_arent_afraid_of_opening_up_theyre_afraid_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-arent-afraid-of-opening-up-theyre-afraid-of.1572699 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572699

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