I keep going back to the well

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2026-03-15T14:08:14+00:00

You cant make it right.

Women use emotions to make decisions, men use logic/rationale. She's done. The sooner you move on the better.

I put my Ex in silent and no notifications mode on my phone. She txts me, I have no idea. I txt her (something about our kid) - I have no idea her response until I check my phone for that specific message. This helped me a ton. Her calls go through - but we rarely call each other anyways.

I still do that - A women just broke up with me (last month.) I sent her a few txts and calls to see if there was any way back to a relationship. She was done. I deleted all her contact info.

It sucks, because as a man - we sometimes think ... If I say this, if I change that, If I do this ... we can rekindle. But the reality is - women emotionally disengage months before the split and are done - well before they communicate it.

The only way to not go back to the well - is make is as difficult as possible for you to access the well.

123flocko · 2026-03-14T03:05:05+00:00

Thank you for the kind thoughts and perspectives. I appreciate you all.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-03-13T22:32:18+00:00

You need to realize that she's one-of-a-million not one-in-a-million. Your scarcity mindset with women is going to keep you from moving forward with your reconstruction.

PostTrenchesDad · 2026-03-13T20:25:37+00:00

You keep going back to the well because you're not trying to make it work with HER. You're trying to make it work with the version of her you wish existed. The one who would meet you halfway. The one who would actually change. The one who would choose you and your son.

That version doesn't exist. This took me a while to understand as well.

The real version is the one who made you leave with your son. The one who fails miserably at working things out. The one you've tried to understand for over a year.

You keep calling because you're hoping this time will be different. It won't be.

Here's what you're actually doing:

Every time you call trying to "understand" or "make it right" - you're giving yourself permission to stay stuck. As long as you're "trying to understand," you don't have to accept it's over.

What helped me was to stop trying to understand her. You'll never understand her because you're not wired that way. It makes sense to her and it's the only person it needs to make sense to. Focus on understanding yourself instead.

Why do you need her validation? Why do you keep going back to someone who made you leave with your son? What are you avoiding by staying stuck on her?

The books and therapy gave you the tools. Now you have to actually use them.

Start accepting she is who she is, and that person isn't good for you or your son.

It's going to hurt for a while. But staying stuck hurts worse.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-03-13T19:04:45+00:00

I feel you man. Some relationships are like that. I think it’s when you give more than they do. When you get used to being treated poorly it does something to you. Trauma bonds or something like that. I hate to say it but I think it’s like giving up a drug. The only solution is the give it up completely

RelationshipIcy2226 · 2026-03-17T15:45:44+00:00

I hear you. And I get it because I’ve been in that place, too. That feeling of being stuck on someone who hurt you, but still wanting them desperately, even when logic screams otherwise… it’s brutal.

Here’s difficult, honest truth from experience: it’s not about what you allowed her to do to you. It’s about the depth of attachment you built over years. When someone you love deeply violates your trust, or becomes unsafe for your well-being, your brain still craves the connection because it’s wired to hold on to that love, not the hurt.

Title	I keep going back to the well
Author	123flocko
Upvotes	7
Comments	8
Date	March 13, 2026 6:51 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rsw36z/i_keep_going_back_to_the_well/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-keep-going-back-to-the-well.1575423 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575423

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