One thing divorce taught me about being a father

heavywafflezombie · 2026-04-05T05:32:30+00:00

Just want to admit I feel like I’m blowing it as a dad. Still married but heading that direction, communication is not good with my wife and I know they are tired of me arguing with her.

I’m trying to figure out how to slow down my nervous system and be the calm consistent dad they need me to be even when I feel so anxious around my wife

darmitage55 · 2026-04-04T21:39:14+00:00

This is so well said. Research actually backs you up: kids' long-term outcomes are most shaped by the consistency of even one parent. Not perfection, not proximity. Just showing up reliably, over and over. That dependability becomes the foundation they build everything else on. You're giving your kids more than you probably realize.

Pmoneywhazzup · 2026-04-04T15:14:51+00:00

I disagree with you regarding kids not remembering what parents repeatedly say. My parents divorced back when the mother would typically receive full custody and the father would receive “visitation” rights. I remember everything both parents said about the divorce as an 8-year old child and beyond. I also remember everything both parents said about visits, money, etc. and what actually occurred. Kids are sponges. They remember everything, especially about stressful situations.

Resolutionary_10 · 2026-04-04T12:58:41+00:00

Few people talk about how divorce and two households can be an opportunity for either party to become a better parent. It doesn't "force" this---because some people don't improve, they actually regress as a leader for others. At least 75%% of the men I work with in separation and divorce improve their emotional intelligence, their parenting confidence and closeness and making sure their actions match their values (mind you: these are people who seek this out and pay for guidance on how to do it---they aren't a normal sample). Still, choosing to use the separation as the chance to grow in your leadership to your kiddos is pretty inspiring---news we want to spread. So many people think that the world is getting worse---I still see examples every day of people like you who choose to take a rotten situation and become a better human because of it.

EmotionSix · 2026-04-04T12:42:30+00:00

You nailed this. Consistency is one thing kids need most. Sometimes this comes at a cost to the parent but it’s the sacrifice we like to make for them

StillMaterial5215 · 2026-04-04T12:40:52+00:00

I needed this today too. STBXW just wants to go out, party, f around with AP and have myself and her parents take care of our 7 and 5 year old daughters. She simply does not care.

I on the other hand WANT to be there. I’ll take the brunt of everything if it means stability and protection.

pezgolf · 2026-04-04T12:15:07+00:00

Thanks for this. Just ended a relationship because my partner was bad for my kids (kids from a previous marriage) so that I could be more consistent for them and they could have a more consistent and tension-free existence. Ending the relationship has been so hard because I was in love, even though it was prob toxic to me too. Thinking about my kids not having to feel the anxiety from the chaos is the only thing that helps right now.

Title	One thing divorce taught me about being a father
Author	Fit-Plenty8777
Upvotes	29
Comments	15
Date	April 4, 2026 12:08 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sc7kxm/one_thing_divorce_taught_me_about_being_a_father/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/one-thing-divorce-taught-me-about-being-a-father.1577125 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577125

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