These lonely holidays are killing me. This year has been tough. I have no other family. So I feel alone. Kids are out of state. I get super depressed thinking about the old days. Easter brunch, hanging out and playing cards and games with the family. It’s all gone and just feeling alone. Found out my father in law had a stroke last week and is ok. Kids have been pretty quiet lately and wife has turned them against me. So we barely talk.

Went to see a band last night and had some drinks, didn’t eat and drunk cried in front of my work/friend and told him about how I’ve been contemplating ending my life. Embarrassing af and I feel shitty about it cuz we had a coworkers bf take his life last week. I’ve had two close friends pass from suicide and it triggered some heavy emotions.

I go to my divorce hearing on Wednesday and I’m hoping it’s finally over because it’s been delayed 3 times now and it’s just too much. Draining what little money I have left. I’m on day 7 of a 22 day work streak working two jobs usually close to 60hrs a week. I’m broke, lonely, tired, over worked. I’m working today which is good cuz at least I’m busy. My therapist has been a big help but those dark days hit hard and there’s days where I feel I’m myself and have this confidence and others I feel like I’m a complete loser.