Why you have no energy to go out and meet women

A lot of men think it’s fear stopping them to go out to meet women, but many times it’s something completely different which has nothing to do with women and in this post we will take a look at one of the most destructive habits that is killing your dating life that you are most likely not aware of.

There was a guy I was speaking with who said that he didn’t wanna go out to meet women after work because it was mentally exhausting, so he couldn’t overcome his fear.

I thought that it was quite interesting, so I wanted to break it down deeper.

I asked him, okay, how much energy do you have at 5 pm or 6 pm when you finish work to meet women. He said very little.

Now here I started to suspect that there might be something else going on other than I have fear of talking to women. So I asked him, why do you have no energy?

He said he’s a developer, so he works remotely, so he’s tired from work and doing all these tasks.

Then I asked him, okay well how do you take breaks on your work? Because everyone takes breaks. He said, well I’m mostly checking phone, news, Reddit.

And I immediately knew the problem.

If you finish work and you are lethargic and you have no energy, and because of that you don’t wanna go out and meet women, it’s not a fear issue but an energy management issue.

Because there are two completely different problems.

You can have no approaching anxiety at all while being in a lethargic, unmotivated state.

On the flip side, you can be in an excited, upbeat, positive state and still afraid to talk to women.

A lot of you guys are confusing the two.

You can absolutely have approach anxiety and fear but what you cannot have is being in a negative and unmotivated state. And a lot of men have no energy at the end of the day because they don’t know how to manage their energy.

So let’s learn this because it's very critical.

How to manage your energy

You know dopamine, it’s basically a chemical that says what you need to pay attention to.

Now dopamine baseline is how good you feel doing normal things when nothing else is happening (or nothing exciting is happening.)

If you have a high dopamine baseline, you’re focused, you don’t crave your phone, work is very easy.

With a low dopamine baseline, you find everything boring and you need extra stimulation, for example with your phone.

Usually you start your day with a high dopamine baseline.

Then you start work after a while want to take a break and you’re like okay, let’s check the phone.

You get a small spike in dopamine, but in reality there’s no reward. And then your dopamine baseline actually goes down.

Here two bad things are happening.

First of all, you are lowering your dopamine baseline, which is decreasing your motivation. Second - you are getting addicted to checking whatever it is that you were doing, like checking your phone.

When you do this throughout the day, at the end of the day, 5 pm or 6 pm, your brain is cooked.

You’re not motivated to do anything, let alone talk to girls.

Managing dopamine baseline is critical if you wanna have energy at the end of the day and go talk to women or do anything.

Here’s what I personally have done

First, I have turned off all my phone notifications.

Then what I do is I turn on my internet three or four times before 6 pm. When I do, I check all my messages and I respond. Then I turn off the internet again.

The second thing that I try to do is I try not to check any messages or social media before 12 pm.

The third thing, and this is very critical, is what you do on breaks.

When you finish a work task, you take a break.

Now instead of grabbing my phone, I have substituted social media with music. I just listen to some music playlists on Spotify or SoundCloud. Sometimes I read Kindle.

This allows me to keep my screen time below two hours a day. Most of that is WhatsApp, ChatGPT, Notes app, or Spotify.

I’m by no means ideal and I’m not a monk, but this is much better than most people spending four hours on Instagram reels.

Hence most days I feel pretty good at 5 pm, and I have the energy and motivation to go out and meet women. I highly recommend you to do this as well because energy management is extremely critical.

And what was interesting is that when I told this to this guy, he’s obviously a smart guy, he’s a successful developer and he has a very good life.

Even with that, he said he felt humbled because he thought he knew a lot of stuff be he clearly was missing some important pieces of information.

The reason this is important is that many guys completely misdiagnose the root cause of their lack of dating success.

This guy thought was it because of his fear but actually it was just the fact he was destroying his energy throughout the day with phone.

Now you might think that your problem of not getting dates is because you don't know what to say, but most likely it’s something completely unrelated to that. So find people to keep you honest.